"Yesterday I was clever and tried to change the world. Today I am wise and try to change myself." - Rumi

As of yesterday, I’ve been retired for three months and I thought I’d share a few thoughts about my experience in retirement so far. Some things are about as I’d expected, some of my expectations have been unrealistic, there have been a few surprises, and it’s clear that I am still settling into this new stage of my life. Whatever my normal pattern will be in retirement, it’s pretty clear I haven’t really established that yet. I’m sure that pattern will evolve over the course of the years ahead in any case.

One of the most wonderful things about retirement is how much I am enjoying it, and especially having more time with my loved ones. Being able to drive off into our mountains together, including trips to Yosemite, is great! I found myself sitting with Sue and our two sons on a weekday afternoon just visiting and spending time together, and realized what an amazing gift it is to have this time with each other. None of us has had the restriction of traveling only on weekends this summer, and it has been great to be able to visit family, and take a trip to the coast. It’s been very lovely to get away with Sue for a few short trips to some of our favorite places, and to share some new adventures. We are both loving the freedom to do things spontaneously in retirement, too. To simply wake up and say, “Let’s go!”

Among the expectations I had that have proven unrealistic is that I thought I would have even more time and flexibility than I do. While the freedom I have to choose how I spend my time is amazing, the number of things I’d like, or need, to do with that time is astonishing. I find that I am beginning to realize just how right my retired friends have been when they’ve told me “I don’t know how I ever had time to work!” We are getting a lot done around the house and yard, and it’s great to see so many projects we’ve wanted to work on getting done. I’m also getting time for woodworking, and some more time with music.

I also find that the amount of time I need to spend with the administrative details of life is greater than I imagined. Arranging things that involve others outside our family, such as auto repairs, doctors appointments, financial matters, and similar activities can keep me pretty busy at times! I still don't have my home office settled, and haven't really settled into a pattern for how to spend my days. I'm not worried about that, and I'm sure I’ll find a pattern, and that it will change over time. I am looking forward to seeing how I continue to adapt to this new combination of freedom and different responsibilities. I am also more rested, have more energy, am more relaxed, and I don’t have to try as had to be pleasant. I do sometimes still find myself amazed not to have to go back to work on Mondays!

It seems that time is moving faster in retirement. I’m not quite sure how best to describe this, but it feels as though the end of the day arrives sooner than I expect it to, and that weeks move by more quickly than when I was working. This really isn’t a bad thing, just a difference. Even if the days seem to fly by more quickly, I have more options for what to do with my time, and I don’t have the feeling of having to get everything I want to do done over a weekend or in the evenings. Sometimes, I feel like I'm late getting back from vacation, and that there will be a price to pay in unread email, and work that has piled up during my absence. I find myself looking for the something that is missing, and realize this is me wondering where the things are that I was so frequently stressed about before.

I have been glad to keep in touch with colleagues from work, and have enjoyed the opportunity to have lunch with some of them over these past months. It’s also been great to go back to the university to attend retirement celebrations for some special colleagues, and to wish them well in this next chapter of their lives. I even went back to work for one day to act as a consultant as the team I had been working with did strategic planning for the years ahead. I admit that I don’t miss the day-to-day demands of my job, and that I enjoyed spending time working with these fine people again as they looked at the bigger issues and opportunities. I’ll always feel grateful to have worked with them, and to have been able to finish my career feeling proud and happy of the work we shared together. I still smile each time I think of the great send off they gave me!

One part of a daily pattern that has begin to take shape for me is time for exercise, and time out doors. I had talked about swimming in the lake near our home and my wonderful partner, Sue, gave me a gentle nudge not long after I retired by reminding me I could actually do this now. It has become a special, relaxing, peaceful, and invigorating part of almost every day when we are at home. I think this daily activity, and time with nature, is an important part of how rested and energetic I feel these days. I’m also proud that I swam a mile earlier this month for the first time since I was 15! I love that my new commute is to the lake and back, and I’m looking now at what I will do for a similar daily activity during the colder winter months.

While I haven’t found more time for some of the more reflective aspects of my life, yet, I do find myself spending some of my swimming time in reflection. As always, our times in nature often find me in a reflective mood. Recently, as we were walking and beachcombing along the Northern California coast, I found this quiet and peaceful time helped me reflect on love, prayer, and faith. I know that some believe that we can draw things into our lives by thinking of, or praying for, them. I believe that most of the time, we don’t change the universe around us with our thoughts and prayers so much as we change ourselves, and how we see and relate to all that is around us.

I’ve read about the idea of attracting abundance into our lives. I don’t think we bring more pennies into our lives by thinking of them, but that we remind ourselves to see those that are already there more readily. In a much more meaningful and important way, I find that thinking of, and praying for, my beloveds helps me be more readily and keenly aware of the beauty, wonder, grace, and love they bring into my lives. Attending to their love, kindness, intelligence, warmth, creativity, compassion, and courage I feel my love and appreciation for them grow naturally stronger.

I do find myself praying for blessings for my loved ones, for their wellbeing, and for healing when they are ill or hurting. There, I feel myself entering into the realm of faith. I cannot explain how my thoughts and prayers for them could change their lives directly for the better. I know they help me keep my own actions and choices better aligned with what is best for those I love. Beyond that, I find myself thinking of the common belief that seems to be present in all our spiritual traditions in a love that weaves our universe, and all of us in it, together. Somehow, we are one beyond the limitations of space and time, and I have faith that through our love we always will be.

As I look ahead to my retirement years, I find myself thinking again of the stages of development defined by Erik and Joan Erikson and the choices they use to describe these. I am traveling through the later portion of my adulthood, with its choice between generativity and stagnation. I am approaching my old age with it’s choice between integrity and despair. I hope that I will continue to choose to emphasize what is positive so that I may live my live with the care and wisdom they associate with the healthy choices of generativity and integrity. While it is undeniable that the years take things from us, it has been my experience that they give us far more.

© 2017 James Michael. The text of this work is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0