“I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach!” - Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

Today, I will write only a brief message as I am enjoying the holidays with my family and spending time with them is my priority. People of many faiths and beliefs celebrate at this time of year and whatever your own beliefs and celebrations, I hope you this season allows you to be with those you love and brings you joy, peace, and love. I hope that it also brings you closer to “that still small voice” within you that helps you find and honor your own deepest beliefs and values.

We have had a white Christmas here at our home, which we call Whisperwood, and it has been so lovely to have time with family here and to travel to spend time with family living not far away. I’m also glad that the Internet allowed us to have a video visit with my sister and her family in Helsinki, and that we are looking forward to a similar visit with dear friends in Canada soon! As we look forward to the beginning of a new year a few days from now, I hope that year will bring us all peace, love, joy, and the personal growth that helps us become our own best selves for our loved ones and the world. I wish you each a very Happy New Year, indeed!

“To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don’t grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.” - Alan Watts

When I began writing these essays, I thought about the sorts of things I would write and decided that, along with reflections on things I have learned at work during my career, I would also allow myself to write about things I have learned by living these years. Occasionally, as I am today, I’ll write one of these broader reflections. Today, as we are in the midst of a season when our fellow humans celebrate holidays inspired by many ways of believing, I’d like to reflect on faith.

If this sort of thing isn’t your cup of tea, I certainly understand! I’ll return to topics more closely related to what I’ve learned in the course of my career in IT next week.

I remember an excellent college course I attended on consciousness and the professor began his first lecture by reviewing the definition of consciousness with us and using that as the basis for the discussion that followed. With that in mind, I’ll start today by looking at Webster’s definition of faith:

1 a :  allegiance to duty or a person :  loyalty

  b (1) :  fidelity to one's promises (2) :  sincerity of intentions
2 a (1) :  belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) :  belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion
  b (1) :  firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) :  complete trust
3:  something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially :  a system of religious beliefs <the Protestant faith>

Each of these definitions has some meaning for me. I do try to be faithful in the sense of the first meaning. The sense of the word “faith” that I most want to focus on today is that in 2 b: a “firm belief in something for which there is no proof” or “complete trust”. I struggled with this idea for many years because I kept trying to find something to have faith in that I could know for certain from empirical evidence. It was only when I sat by my dying mother and held her hand that I finally realized I could not expect to find proof for that which required faith.

One of her concerns at the end was for my soul. I wanted to reassure her but I also wanted to be entirely honest with her. I found my answer when I realized that, although our religious beliefs were not entirely the same, there was something we both believed completely without the need for proof. My mother had a deep Christian faith that she would be saved and enter the kingdom of heaven. I have a deep faith that there is something fundamental, and beautiful, that can never die and that goes on, connecting us to one another in a way I cannot know or explain, forever. She believed that God is love and I realized as I waited with her on that last night that our two beliefs were the same in some essential way. This allowed me to gently squeeze my mother's hand and assure her that I did  believe, that I had faith, that we would be together again even after death. The relief on her face, and the peaceful look that followed, will be what I remember most from that night.

I explored the teachings of many faiths, in the third sense of the definition above, as I searched for answers as a young man. I read Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Taoist and other texts and atheist, humanist, and existential philosophy. I also read works on comparative religion and theology by Krishnamurti, Bonhoeffer, and many others. 

In the process, I came to realize that to find the truth I am looking for, I'll probably have to look where I haven't looked before, or look in the same old places with new eyes and a new heart. While I don’t intend to discuss my own specific beliefs here, I did find that the most important ideas seemed to be present in all these faiths and beliefs. I also took comfort in my exploring as I realized that millions before me had sought after truth and found it it shining the same light through these, apparently, different windows.

I have long been attracted especially to the mystic traditions of various faiths. The writings of Christian mystics like Thomas Merton ring true for me as do Celtic notions of a mountain behind the mountain and a cloud behind the cloud. I’ve found that ring of truth in reading about the Sufism of Rumi, Omar Khayyám,  and the Nasrudin stories, about the Buddhist  beliefs of Thích Nhất Hạnh, D.T. Suzuki and, Alan Watts, the Tao of Lao-Tzu, and the Jewish Kabbalah of Rabbi Israel ben Eliezer Baal Shem Tov, and Martin Buber.

I feel a great affinity for the mystic goal of human transformation, variously defined in different traditions, and the notion that is is possible to find a union with the absolute, the infinite, or God. Mysticism has been defined as “the pursuit of communion with, identity with, or conscious awareness of an ultimate reality, divinity, spiritual truth, or God through direct experience, intuition, instinct or insight.” Very seldom have I had that direct experience, but when I have it has been transformative and even years later it feeds my faith.

I struggled for years with the conflict between dualism, the idea that the body and mind are separate and the promise this seemed to hold that something could go on when the body died, and the non-dualist views associated with my scientific training and understanding that held that the mind and body were one and inseparable. I finally found a different non-dualist understanding that everything is one, beyond notions of space and time, and goes on despite the appearance of life and death. After years, the old Zen koan, “What is the sound of one hand clapping” stopped puzzling me and made me laugh with joy instead.

For me, the closest I can experience to the reality of this oneness is the numinous feeling of wonder that comes when I am close to nature, gazing at the starry skies, floating on my back in the cool lake, breathing the spray and listening to the roar of the salty ocean, walking through the living forest, or standing on the peaks and meadows of our beloved mountains. Most real of all is the experience of oneness I feel in the quiet moments of closeness with my beloved ones.

My faith is in the something fundamental that connects us all completely to each other, and to the universe around us. Something that has no beginning or end but simply is beyond all space and time. The something we experience as love. Of love, I need no proof. In love, I have complete trust.

I wish you all great joy and love during this holiday season whatever your own traditions may be. I stand in blesséd wonder at the way we are all one everywhere, and everywhen. Today, on this shortest midwinter's day, I look back in gratitude on the past year and forward grateful to be starting another circle ‘round the sun with my loved ones. Soon, there will come the sweet quiet after the holidays that has always been such a special, peaceful, time for me. I wish you all Peace in this new year.

"If the other person injures you, you may forget the injury; but if you injure him you will always remember.” - Khalil Gibran

Today, I’d like to share some thoughts about a topic I’ve struggled with over the years. Regrets. I have mine. Things I’ve done and things I’ve failed to do. Things forgiven but not forgotten and things not forgiven including some I am still working to forgive myself for.  These have helped to shape the person I’ve become over the years and influence my choices and actions today.

Frank Sinatra, who would have turned 100 this past Saturday, famously sang Paul Anka’s words, “Regrets, I've had a few; But then again, too few to mention”. There are even some people I know, respect, and love, who say they have no regrets. While I hope this is true, and that they live more at peace with themselves as a result, I admit I can’t quite understand how that would feel.

For me, regrets are an inevitable part of living with my own human frailty. I am far from perfect and make mistakes that I regret. There are things I’ve done that I wish I hadn’t, things I’ve failed to do that I should have done, promises I’ve broken, things I wish I hadn’t said, and moments when I could have spoken but remained silent.

I look back on things I’ve done that I am ashamed of and I know I would act differently if I had the chance to do them over. There were times when I acted in anger, impatience, or disrespect and now I wish I’d shown better self control. I have acted in ignorance and wish I knew then what I know now. I have made promises I should not have made and regret the hurt I caused when I could not keep them.

For all the regret I feel for things I shouldn’t have done, I regret more keenly those things I have failed to do that I wish I’d done. There were times when I could have done more to stand up for what I know is right. I missed opportunities when I could have acted to prevent trouble, to bring joy, or show love. I could have made time to relax with people when I chose to work just a little longer on a task that could have waited.

I have specific regrets related to my work. I’ve had to layoff employees when I wish we had done more to avoid this necessity. I regret the times I have not been able to find the right way to inspire an employee who was struggling, and the times when I haven’t stood up to oppose actions by executives that I thought were wrong. When I have stood up, I wish I’d managed to succeed where I failed to make the case for a different course of action that would have been better for my colleagues and those we serve. I regret times when I said yes and should have said no, and the impact on my family, and my health, as I put in longer hours under greater stress because of these poor choices.

Most of all, I regret the times when my action, or failure to act, has hurt my loved ones or prevented me from being more loving toward them. I wish I could say I had never acted in anger, ignorance, or disrespect toward these most precious ones in my life. I wish I had taken advantage of every chance to act on my love for them; nurturing, comforting, supporting, and loving them with all my heart. During a period as a young adult when I was estranged from my family, I wish I’d found my way home sooner. When faced with a choice to give my time to them, instead of to work or myself, I wish I had chosen them more often. I often say “I love you”, and yet there are still times when I wish I’d found the best words, and even more the best actions, to show my loved ones just how strong and true my love for them really is.

For me, to have regrets seems to be unavoidable. What is more important is what I can do in response to my regrets. I can learn better self control to help me avoid mistakes I’ll regret, and learn to be more courageous in speaking up for what is right, and what matters most. I can work to make amends for the harm I’ve caused either by my action or inaction. I can redouble my efforts to do what is right and I can work to treat myself fairly as I seek to grow.

I can be be honest with myself about my role in the things I regret. I need to accept responsibility for my role, recognize when some aspects of regrettable situations were beyond my control, and work to forgive myself with the same grace and open heart that I bring to forgiving others. I can look for the precious second chances I receive and make the most of these.

May I make the most of the lessons my regrets can teach me. May I make amends for the harm I’ve done whenever I can. May I find the strength to be gentle with myself as I live with my regrets and the grace to forgive others and myself. May we all.

Nothing so conclusively proves a man's ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself.” - Thomas J. Watson

Although my essay today talks about two kinds of sheepdogs, the picture above is not of a sheepdog. This is is our sweet little dog Zoe. I don’t think she’d be interested in being anyone’s boss, but I do think there is something to be learned in considering the two kinds of sheepdogs and how we might compare their approach to their jobs to the different approaches people take to being bosses.

Years ago, I enjoyed reading some research about two broad types of sheepdogs and their different approaches to herding and protecting the flocks they serve. The article I remember reading was probably published in Scientific American in the 1980s or 90s as I used to read every article in that magazine each month in those days. The general point of the research was that sheepdogs could be separated into two broad groups based on the way they were perceived by, and responded to, the sheep.

One group of sheepdogs includes breeds like the Border Collie, Australian Shepherd, Belgian Sheepdog, and Shetland Sheepdog. These are herding dogs and sheep tend to respond to these breeds as they would to wolves or other predators. They represent a potential threat and the sheep form flocks and move away from the “wolf” allowing the sheepdog to herd them. The other group of sheepdogs includes breeds like the Polish Lowland Sheepdog, Komondor,Great Pyrenees, and Maremma Sheepdog. These are guardian dogs and sheep tend to respond to them as if there were part of the flock. They are introduced to the sheep as puppies and bond with the animals they will spend their lives guarding.  

Before writing any more, I’d like to be very clear on one point. While I’m interested in the comparison between sheepdogs’ herding and protecting strategies and the approaches bosses take to directing, developing, and serving the people they work with, I’d never suggest comparing employees to sheep! The people we work with are each wonderful, complex, human beings in their own right and each deserves our respect and our best as bosses. I also think sheep get a bad rap when we use them as a stereotype for human’s blindly following a leader or trend without thinking critically. My wife is a knitter and fiber artist and I rather like sheep! They can be quite intelligent in their own way. Each spring as I see the new lambs with their mothers on the green hills near our home, my heart is warmed and delighted by these tiny reminders of the coming of spring and of how life and love continue.

This also seems to be a good time for a quick story about how I seem to collect odd bits of information like this. I’ve always been interested in pretty much everything and used to read the encyclopedia as a young boy. Our own boys used to kid me by calling me The Keeper of All Useless Bits of Knowledge until the day one of them mis-spoke by calling me The Useless Keeper of All Bits of Knowledge! That name has stuck and we all get a good laugh out of it. Now... back to those sheepdogs and to bosses.

Just as sheep relate to some sheepdogs as they would to wolves or other predators by acting to reduce or avoid the threat they represent, employees respond to some bosses as authoritarian figures who must be obeyed in order to avoid negative consequences. These bosses usually have a very top-down style of leadership, seem to engage line employees less in strategic planning, and set the direction for the organizations they lead based on their own ideas and instincts. I've also experienced some of these bosses as seeming to be somewhat separate from the teams they lead.

In contrast to these, there are bosses who have a more bottom-up style and see themselves as serving the teams they lead, and are part of, by engaging them in planning how their team can best contribute to the goals of the organizations. These bosses find ways to understand the abilities, interests, and needs of their employees, and to utilize, and develop, these to achieve objectives. I think that employees are more likely to follow these bosses based on loyalty and shared interest.

My style of leadership is more closely aligned to the second type of sheepdog and it has mostly served me well as I’ve managed IT professionals. Most often, the subject matter experts in each area have a deeper understanding than I do of options to achieve our objectives that are practical and effective. By seeking their engagement, respecting their contributions, communicating functional requirements, and leading discussions of potential innovations, I’m confident we achieve better results together than if I were more of a top-down leader.

I imagine there are times when all bosses must rely on authority, command, and control and I’ve had to use this approach at times, too. In situations where I must discipline an employee, where I am directing resources to achieve objectives under deadline, or coaching as opposed to mentoring, I can be very specific in the direction I provide and the expectations I establish. This isn’t my preferred style, but I use it where appropriate. I expect that my more top-down colleagues use a bottom-up approach at times, too. Having both approaches available and seeking the right balance is probably wise.

What kind of boss are you, or what sort of boss do you imagine you would be? To what extent do your employees identify with you and choose to follow you because of your shared values and interests? How much do you think you’d need to rely on command, control and authority?

Metaphors like this one, where we separate things into one of two categories, can be useful in helping us look at significant distinctions in style or approach. They are also inherently limited as the systems an behaviors we confront are almost always much too complex to be simplified in this way. I'd be interested in hearing from you to learn where you think this metaphor proves useful and where it breaks down. I'm also glad I have some warm, hand-knit, sweaters as winter approaches!

“You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometime, you might find you get what you need” - Mick Jagger and Keith Richards

“Tell Me What You Want (And I’ll Give You What You Need”) - Patrick Simmons

Today I am looking back at our Thanksgiving celebrations with family and friends and feeling very grateful for all the special people in my life and for the time we spend together. These dear ones have helped shape who I am. They, and the memory of dear ones who have passed on, continue to shape who I become as I grow forward in this life. I’ve had an informal list of “people I’d like to be when I grow up” and so many of my loved ones are part of that list. When I live up to their inner beauty as people, I am truly at my best.

When our loved ones in Canada celebrated Thanksgiving in October, I wrote an entire essay reflecting on all I am thankful for, so I will take a different direction today. As I think about Thanksgiving, I am aware of how often our gratitude for what we have leads us to think about what we want and what we need. When we are fortunate, we find that all our most significant needs are met and that we also grateful to have much of what we want in our lives.

Throughout my career in IT, I’ve often found myself thinking about this idea of what we want and what we need as I’ve worked to deliver the technology and services requested by the people we serve. There are always limits to what we can provide whether those are financial, technical, security, or capacity challenges. Very often, the conversations we have about budgets, priorities, and service come back to how we can listen to what is wanted and deliver what is needed.

The practice of systems analysis has always been a favorite part of this work for me and I am looking forward to doing more work of that nature in my new role beginning this week. Ultimately, this is a process of understanding what systems are in place to deliver needed services, and what capabilities and results are desired but not yet available, and creating an appropriate functional description of what is required. I enjoy the process of looking at systems to define and understand their component parts and then proposing functional requirements for needed changes.

Most enjoyable for me is the process of talking with those who use the system to understand what they want and need. These conversations can help us understand, and agree on, what is truly needed, what capabilities would be nice to have, and what features really don’t need to be pursued as a priority at the current time. My preference is to keep these conversations, and the requirements they help to create, at a functional level that focuses on what the desired results would look like and that doesn’t attempt to define how these results should be produced. It is also helpful to understand how soon the results are needed and how much the organization can afford to invest in achieving those results.

Once we have agreed on some initial set of functional requirements, we can approach the specific IT professionals who have the skills and experience to propose solutions and ask them to suggest how we can best meet these requirements. This is the beginning of a facilitated dialog between the users of the system and the IT staff proposing solutions. Through that process, the proposed design can be refined and this is where we really sort out what is truly needed. This is also where we learn how to improve our process for creating functional requirements. For example, when the IT staff say they wish they’d been approached earlier in the process, I know there’s room for improvement!

I see this whole process as an important aspect of customer service. It is a way for the IT team to really understand what the customers want and need. It is also an opportunity to help the customers understand the trade-offs between the time and money they can afford to invest and the capabilities that IT can deliver. IT needs to hear the voice of the customer and to provide useful information that helps inform the decisions customers make about what the want and need. When we are successful, we focus our resources on what really matters and create much greater value.

I’ve found this is as true in our personal lives as it is in the professional realm. When I was young, there were times when I wanted many things and often found myself frustrated trying to find some way to obtain and achieve all these. As I’ve grown, I’ve learned more about the wisdom of Thoreau’s advice that we should simplify our lives and expectations. When I focus on the fewer, truly important, aspects of my life, I can give more energy to these and my experience is much richer and more meaningful.

This is also very true in education as the faculty and advisors who help students pursue their goals and dreams listen to what these young, and not so young, people want to do with their lives and help them get what they need to prepare for each new step on their journeys. Much of our current focus on student success in higher education comes down to how we can more effectively help students choose the right course of study, pursue that coursework in a way that is most likely to result in successful learning, and take appropriate corrective steps when they encounter obstacles. I am particularly interested in how we can provide career counselling throughout this process to help ensure our students are on a path that will help them succeed, and make a difference, in their chosen fields. Even more important to me is that they receive a rich and balanced education that prepares them to live full and rewarding lives.

The two quotes I chose to head this week’s essay both ring true for me. I’ve always found the Doobie Brothers quote the more hopeful of the two and the Rolling Stones’ more pragmatic. I also think they work better together, just as we work better together to pursue our goals. Ultimately, I can’t often keep the promise of Patrick Simmon’s words to “give you what you need” by myself. If you can tell me clearly what you want, and you’re willing to try with me to get what you need, I believe we can get there together.

“When one has once fully entered the realm of love, the world - no matter how imperfect - becomes rich and beautiful, it consists solely of opportunities for love.” - Søren Kierkegaard in “Works of Love”

As I started to write today’s essay, I had this feeling I might have already written about the topic I was pursuing earlier in this series. I looked through my earlier writings and, sure enough, I’d already written about my favorite quote that isn’t a quote; the paraphrase from Søren Kierkegaard, “Presume love in the other.” While it seems I can always find something more to say about almost any topic, having written about this already, I began searching for another subject for today’s essay.

As I thought, it occurred to me that the reason that idea from Kierkegaard means so much to me is that it is about the most important thing of all. Love. This gave me the chance to share another favorite quote from Kierkegaard at the beginning of today’s essay and lead me to a topic for today. Remembering what really matters. This always seems simple to me in principle, but I know that in practice it can be a real challenge. There are so many things I need to do, so many people’s opinions, needs, thoughts, and feelings to consider, competing priorities, and my own human weakness and ability to get distracted. In the crush of the moment, it is so easy to be swept up in the urgent and immediate demands that press on me and too easy to skip taking time to put them into perspective.

These challenges exist in my personal life as well as my professional pursuits and I always find that I’m better off when I do take a moment to “come up for air” and take in the broader view. This almost always reduces the feelings of pressure and frustration that come with competing demands and limited time. It also results in my making better decisions about how to spend that time. Of course, the demands of my work impact the time and energy for personal priorities, too and I wonder how this will change in retirement. I am hopeful that I will have more time and energy to devote to what really matters.

All of the “things” that matter most to me aren’t things at all. Having time to spend growing closer to the beloved ones in my life, family and friends, and time to just relax and enjoy each other. The wonder I find in wilderness and looking up at the vast night sky. Opportunities to travel and see more of this beautiful planet we live on and meet its people. Striving for a richer understanding of the universe around us and the world of feelings and ideas. The beauty we create through craft and the visual arts, music, dance, theater, poetry and literature, and the chance to be creative myself. My values and spiritual beliefs.

Caring for how our babies and children grow surrounded by love and safety, yet with chances to explore their worlds and take some risks as they learn what matters most to them and set out into the world. The joy they help us rediscover and the way they make life sweeter. Growing as a person as I age and gain new perspectives. The precious dance of relationship with my dearest ones and especially with Sue who is the special one who has chosen to share her life with me. Love above all.

It’s also helpful for me to remember and reflect on those things that don’t matter so much to me and on the choices I’ve made to honor my priorities. I don’t care very much about money and even less about having power. My decision to choose a career at the university is consistent with what matters to me as it allowed me to trade less money for more time with my loved ones. I’ve made career choices that traded more power, and pressure, for some better chance that I may stay healthy to focus on what matters. Sue and I made a choice many years ago to trade more money for the opportunity for her to leave the classroom, volunteer in her passion for Yosemite and children, and stay home with our boys as they grew into men. We’ve never regretted choosing what mattered most to us.

I’ve written about the way I bring reminders of my personal life into my workspace, and reminding me of what matters most is one of the most wonderful things they do for me. Being able to look up, and around, to see this tangible evidence of what I care about really helps me regain my focus and get back on track. Morning text messages with Sue, lunchtime writing to friends, sharing “likes” and posts with friends and family on Facebook, and visiting on Skype, all help me stay in touch with the ones who help make what is most important truly matter for me. Even missing loved ones who live far away helps keep me in touch with this. I know I’m lucky to have these special people who matter so much to me that I miss them when we are apart.

Sometimes, the things that matter can even seem like distractions. As I write today, I have our less-than-three-month-old puppy in my lap. He was napping until a moment ago, and now he is “helping” me write. His name is River, and his picture is at the top of this essay. I’m not always successful, but I try to remember that some “distractions” are actually moments when what really matters is tapping me on the shoulder and reminding me to give my time any energy where it will do the most to make my life, and the lives of my loved ones, richer. I’ve taken some time out to play with River, he helped me see that was what really mattered, and now I’ll finish this essay!

As I’ve been writing today, I found myself remembering the people who helped me learn to value what really matters. My parents, sisters, mentors and friends. I especially remember the advice of my grandmother, Mimi. She helped spark my lifelong love of books and shared her wisdom me with. When I was struggling, frustrated, and sad about something that had happened in my life, she asked me to think about how much it would matter to me in a year. She was teaching me to think about what really mattered and to put things into perspective. Mimi also assured me that, no matter how hard things might seem at the moment, everything always turns out for the best. I’ve learned that, as long as I looked at what really mattered, and gave things enough time, she was right.

What matters to you will differ from what matters to me. I think the important thing is to know what matters, to expect some of this to evolve throughout your lifetime and some aspects to remain constant, and to find ways to keep what matters in mind as you make choices about your time and priorities. May you find ways to spend your energy where it matters most to you.

“Try to understand men. If you understand each other you will be kind to each other. Knowing a man well never leads to hate and almost always leads to love.” - John Steinbeck

Early next month, I will take on a new assignment at the university. I think I’m ready for this change and I appreciate that my new boss has been very interested in my input as we talked through options for my new role. I believe I’ll be able to be useful in this interim capacity and I’m looking forward to a new opportunity to make a difference working with a group of dedicated professionals.

This has me thinking about the sort of bosses I’ve had and the sort of boss I am and I will share some thoughts about that today. I’ve had several very good bosses, some pretty bad ones, and many that were good solid leaders and managers. During my career in IT, I’ve had between 15-20 bosses over 36 years and I’ve watched many others in action or worked with them during my years in management.

While bosses have different styles, strengths and weaknesses, there are some basic functions we are all called on to perform. We are expected to provide vision and direction to accomplish the objectives of the organizations we serve and to participate in planning to identify these. We make decisions about priorities and how to accomplish these through work assignments, budget management, and technology that will help deliver results. We monitor the results and making appropriate adjustments. For me, some of the most satisfying work of being a boss has been coaching, mentoring, and facilitating professional development for our team members. I enjoy recognizing people for their contributions and expressing appreciation for their efforts whether successful or not. I don’t enjoy addressing performance issues with counseling, discipline and other measures, but it is part of the job.

One of the most significant functions a boss provides is communication. Ultimately, I think it is this, and the ability to think through what is communicated, that distinguishes the best bosses from the worst. Good communication is critical if we are to understand the goals of the organizations we serve and to share these with those we lead. It is only through effective communication that we can set direction, make clear assignments, and understand the feedback we get from staff about what it will take to achieve our goals together. It is especially important that we listen effectively so that we can communicate the ideas, and needs, of staff as we report on the progress our teams are making toward our goals.

The best bosses I’ve had have been very good listeners who were genuinely interested in the well being of the people they were leading. These were the men and women who had the greatest impact on my development and the ones I still think of today when I am faced with challenges. They tended to give away the credit for success to contributors on the teams they lead and to take responsibility when the team was struggling to deliver results or made mistakes. I trusted these people and had confidence that they trusted me. They were leaders who inspired me to give my best and to go the extra mile when needed. They built the strongest teams.

The worst bosses I’ve had were either not well suited for leadership positions or arrogant and not good at benefiting from others’ contributions. They tended not to communicate clearly what was expected, or only what they wanted and not why it mattered, and sometimes failed to communicate clear and accurate information about the needs and challenges of the team to our executives. The weaker bad bosses I had didn’t engage well with their teams to develop, and pursue, effective approaches to the work we were called on to complete. The “stronger” bad bosses I’ve had tended to advance their own ideas without considering input from the team and to take credit for the results in ways that didn't strengthen that team.

I’d like to think that most of the people who’ve worked for me would consider me to have been a good boss. I know there are a few who will consider me pretty bad and I hope there are more who would consider me very good. I’m sure I am not the best judge of what kind of boss I’ve been so you should consider this as you read my thoughts about that today. I am usually harder on myself than just about anyone else, and I’m sure I have some blind spots where I simply can’t see what it’s like for others to work with me.

On the bad end of the spectrum, I’d say that I have had to learn not to hold people to the same standards that I apply to myself as these are often too demanding. I think I’ve learned this lesson but it did cause me quite a bit of frustration earlier in my career. While I can expect too much, sometimes, I am also too accepting of less than stellar performance. I am not fond of conflict and can be reluctant to confront staff who need to improve the quality and/or quantity of work they complete or the attitude they bring to the job. I struggle with people who don’t take advantage of opportunities to change when they need to and it can be difficult to find effective strategies to encourage these adjustments. I’m not a very competitive person and I hope that hasn’t been negative for those I lead. Sometimes I wonder if I should have fought harder for them. I also tend to be protective of my team members, and I’ve been told I can be overprotective and put my team's well being before the needs of the organization.

In the middle of the spectrum, I have needed to learn to delegate more effectively and I think I have made progress there. I could be better organized and, while I can play some of the political games well, I generally despise them and will never be a natural winner at those. While I want to help them, I can’t always accomplish the things my staff wish I could. There have been times when I was sure individuals deserved to be better paid, teams needed more capacity, and budgets were not adequate to support the level of service we wanted to deliver, and yet I was not always able to secure the funding, and other support, we needed. I have been successful in dealing with some performance and discipline issues, but I struggle with this aspect of my work and I’m sure I could improve.

At my best as a boss, I listen well and genuinely care about the people who work with me. I support their growth, look for ways for them to use their skill and experience to do what they’d like to do, and help them find opportunities for professional development. I mentor, coach, and help them find satisfying ways to make a difference. I am a bottom-up and not a top-down manager. I see myself working in service of those I lead as we work to support the mission of our university. I prefer to provide our teams with a clear understanding of what is needed and then look to them to define creative and effective solutions. The ideas we explore together are almost always better than those I come up with on my own. While there is always room for improvement, I think I am a good communicator and this helps me be a good boss.

In early December, I will have a new set of teams to lead. For the first time in my career, the scope of my responsibility will be less with this new assignment. I am looking forward to this chance to focus on a smaller part of our department’s mission. I’ll be working more closely with the teams that support our faculty and staff’s end user computing needs and the specialized computing needs of our schools, colleges, and administrative divisions. Friends and colleagues have said this assignment is a good for my personality and management style, and I think their right. I hope I can be a good boss in this new role. I’m looking forward to what comes next!

“It is utterly false and cruelly arbitrary to put all the play and learning into childhood, all the work into middle age, and all the regrets into old age.” – Margaret Mead

My thoughts today are inspired by comments on the life of Dick Hitt (1938-2015) published by SHARE last week. (http://www.share.org/p/bl/et/blogid=2&blogaid=411) Dick passed away one month ago yesterday and, though I don’t believe I had the pleasure of meeting him, I owe him a lot. You see, Dick started a tradition at SHARE that brought me, and thousands of others, a lot of fun as we worked for that great organization over the years. Today, I will share some thoughts about the importance of finding ways to include fun times with colleagues along with the serious business of the work we do together.

We come together at work to accomplish the missions of the organizations we serve. Most of our time is spent focused on the priorities and projects we need to address and we each bring our own roles and tasks, skills and experience to this work.  While we come to our work as individuals, most of what we accomplish is done as members of teams. These teams grow stronger as we learn about each other and come to establish relationships of mutual respect and trust. Taking time to relax and have some fun together can be a great way build these relationships and really get to know our colleagues as people.

We can share little daily celebrations, like Friday morning donuts and coffee, pizza parties to celebrate the completion of a project, events to welcome new employees, and to recognize colleagues as they move on to new challenges or retire. Several of the teams I’ve worked with have been great at potlucks and really knew how to have fun with food. We’ve enjoyed informal get togethers over lunch, lunch-time card games in the staff room, and happy hours after work. These don’t have to cost a lot of money, and just a little encouragement, or flexibility, from management can go a long way to encourage this kind of camaraderie.

We can also plan bigger, more structured, events to bring people together including team retreats that include fun elements, work parties, picnics, and award events. My first mentor was especially good at this and I’ll never forget the time he had us all spend an afternoon together at the horse races held at our local county fair. This wasn’t recognition for any particular accomplishment, it was just a way for him to thank everyone for their good work and give us a chance to relax together. Everyone had a great time and there was lots of laughter, some friendly competition as we tried to pick the winners, and the kind of casual visiting that helped us learn more about each other.

He also held several parties at his home and encouraged us to plan a weekend barbecue at one of our local lakes where we could bring our families and enjoy the food, games, fishing, and water skiing. This group enjoyed playing softball together and weekly happy hours where those of us who wanted to could gather to relax after work. This team worked in IT in the financial industry. The work could get pretty intense and include long hours and weekend work. We were fortunate that the corporation provided flexibility to managers, and some financial support, to  encourage opportunities for the team to relax and have some fun. They also held very well-planned annual award events.

At the university, I’ve been fortunate to work with another group that is great at potlucks! Our executives sponsor an annual day for staff training and recognition that includes some fun sessions, too. They sponsor annual holiday parties, and tailgates before several of our home football games. They planned and funded annual picnics for a number of years and I hope we will see that tradition revived now that we are emerging from the financial issues of these past years. The vice presidents I’ve worked for have also been good at including some fun activities in leadership retreats. I particularly remember a hilarious croquet match we had during a break from planning for the upcoming academic year. Being a state-funded organization, the university hasn’t enjoyed as much flexibility to provide support for fun activities as I found in the private sector, but they have worked to find creative ways to support these that respect the constraints we must honor.

Of all the organizations I’ve worked with, SHARE was the very best at including opportunities for fun as we completed our work together. Except for the association management staff we retain, all the SHARE workers are volunteers and I think SHARE really understands the importance of helping to engage, and reward, these folks and to create strong teams who know how to have a good time together. There is a lot of truth in the joke that SHARE folks will work for food!

The organization plans fun receptions, luncheons, and other events for volunteers at their semi-annual conferences and brings the senior leadership team together to combine work and fun at planning meetings held at some great locations like San Diego and Tampa. They also make sure to include fun activities, and some great meals, when the volunteers gather to work on conference planning in Chicago.

My years serving on the SHARE Board of Directors included some wonderful opportunities for fun. Our meetings were associated with some amazing sightseeing together in places like Santa Fe, New Mexico, Banff, Alberta and Gleneden Beach, Oregon. We had opportunities to include our families as we gathered for conferences in places like Washington, D.C. and San Jose, California. I remember great boat tours in Seattle, Washington, Victoria, British Columbia, and Portsmouth, New Hampshire, a scavenger hunt in Quebec City, and so many wonderful meals together filled with laughter and opportunities to learn about each other.

SHARE is also excellent at recognition celebrations and the roasts for our outgoing Presidents are among my favorite memories. My wife and I made some great friends in the process of this work including another couple who we learned we really enjoy traveling with. Even though our years actively working for SHARE are over, they have become two of our dearest friends and I’m so glad we continue our travels together. I look forward to doing more of this in retirement!

Opportunities for fun include traditions that emerge from within our teams. One of the best I had the opportunity to experience brings me back to Dick Hitt. At the SHARE meeting in Atlantic City in 1968, he sat down at a piano in the hotel and began to play. Soon, he was taking requests from others at the meeting. Before long, a sing-along was in progress and some clever folks wrote topical lyrics dealing with the HASP (Houston Automatic Spooling Program) system they’d been working on and paired these with the tunes from old standards. This combination of work and play was such fun that the sing-along soon became a regular feature of SHARE meetings. As the week of working and learning together came to a close, the SHARE folks would gather at the evening reception and raise their voices together in song.

From the first time I attended SHARE, in the mid-80s, I enjoyed joining in at the sing-along and I’m happy to say I went on to write, or co-write, a number of songs for the event. I also had the opportunity to play guitar for several sing-alongs over the years. I have many happy sing-along memories with master of ceremonies Robert Rannie, Model 88 operator (pianist) Anne Caluori, and singers including Charlie Lyman, Steve Ryder, Janet Sun, Brian Peterson, Lynette Pope, Bill Horton, Karla Houser, and all our SHARE friends.

HASP became JES2 and the event became known as the JES2 Sing-Along. SHARE volunteers added many traditional elements to the event over the years including the singing of “Side By Side” by each new Board of Directors, the SmithBucklin staff singing “Climb Every Mountain”, and a chorus line dancing to “Yellow Submarine”, with customized lyrics for all of these popular songs. The picture at the top of today’s essay is of that chorus-line silliness.

I don’t often use the metaphor of family to describe the relationship of work colleagues. I’m not convinced you can make this happen in the workplace, but I do think that sort of closeness is possible between work colleagues when it emerges from genuine friendships, trust, and love for each other. SHARE is the closest thing to family I’ve experienced in the workplace and that is very special. I’m certain that our ability to work and play together was central to what we were able to create together. I think we do well when we look for opportunities to add fun to our work.

“Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars.” - Henry Van Dyke

The past two Mondays, I’ve written about some rather serious topics so I thought I’d lighten it up a bit this week by sharing a few thoughts about some things I do to help myself stay balanced, and focussed on what really matters, in the workplace. I hope you’ll find some ideas here that could work for you and I’d appreciate your sharing other ideas that have helped you in your workplace.

The underlying theme behind any ideas like those I share below is that most of us are healthiest, and best balanced, when we work to live and not when we live to work. Things that help our workplace reflect who we are, and what matters most to us, can help make our workspaces more comfortable and welcoming. They can serve to remind us of the people, ideas, and feelings that give our life its greatest meaning. They can also help us connect with our coworkers by providing some insight into who we are.

For me, what matters most in life is the relationships I have with my loved ones and friends, the beauty, peace, and wonder of the natural world, and the ways we use art to share our feelings and impressions with others. When you look around my office, you’ll see family photos, paintings and photographs on the walls, plants growing, books on topics that interest me, and personal keepsakes that carry special memories.

I know that some businesses and organizations have policies that limit the personal items employees may include in their workspaces. While I understand the motivation for these in ensuring that public spaces shared with our customers represent the organization, and in ensuring that the workplace is comfortable and welcoming for all employees, I think that policies like these need to be written and enforced in a way that allows people appropriate opportunities for self expression.

In my office, the vast majority of items serve both to create a positive work environment and as reminders to me of what matters most. The plants are not only green and beautiful, but some have special personal meaning like the philodendron that has been in my wife’s family for years that my brother-in-law gave me, and the creeping charlie that has been in my family since the 1970s. The paintings and photographs are beautiful in their own right and most are the work of my uncle or brother-in-law, or keepsakes from special trips. In fact, one of my uncle’s paintings depicts our family home when I was in college and includes this very same creeping charlie hanging from the eaves.

My bookshelves include books on, and in, the Irish language, musical scores, the Tao Te Ching, poetry and other personal interests. The “wallpaper” pictures on my computer screen are a rotating series of photos of my loved ones and of special places we have traveled together. There are photos of our sons, and a photo of my wife and I in Yosemite Valley on our wedding day with Bridalveil Fall in the background. You’d be amazed how quickly the other tourists clear a space for a woman in a wedding dress to have her picture taken!

The keepsakes in my office are there to remind me of what matters and they help keep me grounded and acting in accordance with my values. Seven weeks ago, on September 14, I wrote about the Jar of Life story that I first heard from my sister, Nancy, and the jar of golf balls on my desk reminds me of this. The desktop rock garden pictured in the photo with today’s essay includes rocks and shells from many special places we’ve traveled and each holds a special memory for me. I can even remember the moments when loved ones handed me some of these.

We all have difficult times as we pursue our work. Having these reminders around me can be so helpful when I am feeling overwhelmed, discouraged, or simply unmotivated. They provide me tangible evidence that the work I do serves some higher purpose, that I am a man of principles and beliefs, and that I love and am loved. Sometimes I’ll pick up one of those rocks and remember the feeling of first taking its weight into my hand from the warm hand of a loved one and it is just as if they are there ready to take my hand and encourage me. Having the plants to care for can be a wonderful source of peace and relaxation, too. There are also times in every working life when we feel joy, accomplishment, and pride in what we have done. Having these reminders of the greater life I live beyond my work can make those moments sweeter still.

My office is something of a work in progress as I add new mementos from special moments. I hope to incorporate many of these into an office space in my home that I will use in retirement. I even have some ideas I’ve never acted on in my current work space. It’s clear that I enjoy words as a way of sharing and remembering ideas and quotations that capture important feelings and ideas particularly well.

I remember a wonderful space in the Land Pavilion at Epcot where the walls are covered with quotes. In this waiting area for the “Living with the Land” boat ride, there are wonderful quotes everywhere you look. These have changed over the years and this doesn’t surprise me as there are so many great ideas to share. That place inspired me and I’ve often thought I’d enjoy finding some way to include some of my favorite quotes in my office space. Maybe I’ll find a way to do that as I create an office space in our home.I think I’d have to find a way to allow these to change, too, as I have so many favorites!

We are each so much more than what we do for a living and what we do can also be an important part of who we are. I know that surrounding myself with positive images, reminders, and feelings has helped me be my best. I’d be curious to hear from some of you whether this has been the same for you and to know what other ideas you’ve found to include these in your workspaces.