"A man, after he has brushed off the dust and chips of his life, will have left only the hard, clean questions: Was it good or was it evil? Have I done well - or ill?” - John Steinbeck from “East of Eden”

I am a man who has worked with information technology and, more importantly, with the people who provide and use IT services, for over 35 years now. Some of those years were spent in government and banking. Most of them have been spent in higher education.

I plan to leave this career in 2017 after spending my 60th birthday working here at the university. When I account for, holidays, I estimate that there are now 100 Mondays left in my professional career. I’ve decided to write once each week until those Mondays have passed and to use these essays to reflect on my career.

I’m interested in exploring what has mattered about my work, how I feel about what I have done, and how the way we work together shapes our lives, the lives of our coworkers and those of our loved ones. I expect I will write some about what it will mean to me to retire and about how I hope the work may go on once I do. Most of what I will write about will deal with my 15-plus years working as an IT manager as this has been the most demanding work I have done.

I don't know whether these thoughts will be valuable or thought provoking for others. Ultimately, this blog is a public journal and an opportunity for me to reflect on the challenging, satisfying and troubling aspects of my professional life. I am sure some will disagree with my views on management and leadership and that is entirely appropriate. Even with all the best thoughts and advice of others, and the results of research and scholarship on these topics, we each have to find our own way. Hopefully, we can all look back on our choices with few regrets and make peace with our mistakes.

I will not be writing about the university or my views regarding the specific directions we have pursued, and will be pursuing, in delivering IT services for our students, faculty and staff. My thoughts here are entirely my own and not intended to reflect the policies, opinions, or positions of anyone at the university where I work.

I'll start my thoughts today by reflecting on one of the quotes I've used most often in talking with others about my work. Asked, “Are you a basketball player?” Bill Russell replied, "No. That’s what I do, that’s not what I am. I'm not a basketball player. I am a man who plays basketball." I think Bill Russell is a great man and his words have helped me again and again to keep in perspective this difference between what I do and who I am.

I do not work in my passion and I will write more about that another time. My career in IT has been a means for me to make useful contributions and to earn a salary that has allowed me to support my family. I am not, Jim Michael, the IT manager. I am a man who has made his living managing IT professionals. When asked what I do, I usually tell people my title and then explain that all it really means is that I take care of the people who take care of the computer services at the university.

I am glad that I have worked for over 25 years of my career in education. I appreciate the lessons I learned, and the colleagues I had working in government and banking. Still, looking out the window and seeing the students is a very real reminder of how the work we do here can touch lives and make a difference. I feel as though I am surrounded by peoples' children and by their hopes and dreams. I am also glad to be exposed to the thoughts, the ideas and the variety of opinions across the range of academic disciplines on campus. My work here has been many things, including rewarding and stressful, but it has never been boring!

I bring the man that I am to my work each day and that carries both benefits and liabilities. I am intelligent, caring and very emotional. My intelligence has been a great help in this work and has generally been appreciated by my colleagues. My emotional intelligence has been an asset and I believe it has helped me as a leader. One of the things I have most enjoyed in my work is helping people to come together by exploring how their diverse points of view can lead to better outcomes. It's great fun to see people who thought they disagreed discover that they have been arguing for the same ideas but from different perspectives.

Other aspects of my emotional connection, and commitment, to my colleagues, my values, and the work we do have been a mixed blessing. At times, I've been criticized for my choice to focus on how my colleagues, and those we serve, will feel about the consequences of decisions we make. At the same time, I have been looked to by others in leadership to help consider these impacts of our choices. One of the best days I remember in my work as a manager was the day I realized that my boss had begun to value my emotional insights and to see that these added value to the intelligent consideration I gave to the more pragmatic aspects of a problem.

My best efforts often derive from my caring deeply about the impact of our work but this is also the source of the deepest worries and conflicts in my professional life. I have learned that indifference is not an option for me. If I don't care, I cannot engage in the work. Still, I have learned that I must find ways to give my best and then let go. To accept that I have done my best and move on, or to rest before reengaging.

I am an optimist and this is both one of my great strengths and one of my great weaknesses. My glass is not simply half-full, it is often overflowing. My optimism helps me enter into my work with energy and a belief in what we can achieve. It can also lead to unrealistic expectations and to great frustration when seemingly senseless obstacles prevent our realizing the full potential of our aspirations. I have learned to value the insights of my more realistic colleagues and to listen for their calm voice of reason and to let it temper my enthusiasm. I have also learned to guard against cynicism whenever it appears. For me, it is poison

While the greatest part of my time has been devoted to my professional life, it is in the quiet of the morning and the precious hours after the day's work is through that I find my joy. In music, nature, reading, working with my hands and, most of all, in my relationships with my loved ones I find my passion and my purpose. I am grateful that my work has allowed me to live this most genuine part of my life and I hope that the retirement I have earned will be long and happy as I give more attention to what matters most to me.

If you have read this far, I hope you found something meaningful above. In future weeks, I will write about many other aspects of my professional journey including authority, discipline, mentoring, respect, communication and satisfying those we serve. I wonder what other topics I'll explore as I strive to find 99 more meaningful things to say! I welcome your comments. Please feel free to disagree. Thank you.