"We take care of our health, we lay up money, we make our room tight, and our clothing sufficient; but who provides wisely that he or she shall not be wanting in the best property of all--friends?” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

As I return to work after our recent vacation with dear friends, I am very aware of what matters most to me in life. My idea of a successful career is one where the work I do provides enough for my family and time for me to spend with them and with friends.

A neighbor of mine recently lamented that too many of us strive for financial success at the expense of all else. He said to me “It seems the goal is to work hard and die rich.” I said to him, that I’d prefer to work hard enough to support what really matters and die happy. I'll never be wealthy but, if I am successful, I will live a life that is rich in the love of my family and friends.

Another friend recently asked me how I know whether I am successful, how this has changed over time, and what were the main things I have learned in the course of my career that made a positive difference. I thought her questions were very good and I enjoyed thinking about my answers.

For me success has come to have a lot to do with balance. While I have had other executives tell me that work/life balance just doesn't seem possible, I'd consider surrendering on that issue to be failure. So, I consider myself successful when I am able to provide excellent service to my university, balancing requirements with resources, while remaining fully present and engaged with my loved ones. Ultimately, I am a man who works in IT and success means giving the life I live with my loved ones first priority.

My definition of success hasn’t really changed all that much over the years. I've always valued family first. Very early in my career, success for me was more about finding ways to move up the value chain at work so that I could earn a better living. There were also times later in my career when I got out of balance trying to provide more to the university than was reasonable. Working an average of 50-60 hours a week in an effort to meet the expectations of "doing more with less" during a budget crisis contributed to some health problems and helped me refocus on a healthy balance.

Some of the key lessons I’ve learned are these. Ultimately, we can only do so much. Taking time to understand priorities and set clear expectations is valuable and necessary. I can remember saying to a new boss of mine "What we can do, we will. What we can't do, we won't". Sometimes it's that simple.

I've always struggled with saying "no" and that is still true today. What I have managed to learn is how to shape what I am saying "yes" to instead. When I can't say "yes" to the initial ask, I can talk about options and what is possible, or what is a reasonable step toward the ultimate goal. Most often, we can arrive at something that is helpful, appreciated, and achievable.

Roy Disney said, 'It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.' I've learned that this is entirely true. We strive to do what is right and that simplifies so many things. Part of this is remembering that we are people working together to accomplish meaningful objectives. Doing what is right with a group of people you respect can be very rewarding.

The greatest measure of success in life for me is love. My purpose in working is to care for those I love and to afford myself the opportunity to express and experience love in my life. They say you can't take it with you, and I'm sure this is true of material wealth. When I die, the things I have accumulated will be left behind. I believe there is one thing that goes on and that is love. The love I've shared with my loved ones will continue, both here on earth and on out into the universe of whatever comes next.

Most of this is a deep mystery for me but I'm quite sure about the infinite permanence of love. In love, my beloveds and I are together everywhere and always, even beyond the end of space and time. We always have been and we always will be. The appearance of separateness is an illusion associated with the way we experience the universe as human beings. I believe there will one day be a physics and cosmology that help explain this. For now, it will seem like metaphysics. So be it.

This past week has given me time to spend with some of my dearest loved ones, time to relax, and some quiet time to reflect. I return to work with renewed energy and a renewed awareness to why I do the work I do.