“In times of stress, the best thing we can do for each other is to listen with our ears and our hearts and to be assured that our questions are just as important as our answers.” - Fred Rogers

As much as I would like to have found a way to avoid stress in my life, this has never been possible for me… so far. I am an optimist after all. Certainly, stress has been a significant part of my career in IT and learning to cope with it effectively continues to be one of the most important learning experiences in my working life. Remembering what really matters, the love I share with my dear ones, and the feelings inspired by peaceful places is a daily part of my life today and that is making a big difference.

From the beginning of my working life, and well before I got into IT 36 years ago, there were sources of stress. I’m sure this is true for all of us. From the speed and accuracy pressures associated with my work as a fry cook and bank teller, to the time management issues associated with working more than one job at the same time, and personality conflicts with coworkers, there were always opportunities to experience stress. As I began my work as an assembly language programmer in the banking industry, project deadlines became a part of my daily life. When I became a systems programmer the stress came from the possibility of affecting many people when I made a mistake.

The demands of working in situations where creative solutions to key problems must be found quickly can also be challenging and exciting in positive ways. As a young man, the times when I’d work all weekend with hardly a catnap to complete a conversion affecting two large financial institutions, or all night troubleshooting a major issue just in time to get the online systems back in operation before the branches were to open were exhilarating. Today, I still enjoy helping our staff think through difficult problems to find good solutions. Still, these high-pressure situations can create stresses that are unhealthy; especially when they are not well managed.

I choose to take a technical position at the university over staying in banking partly because the stresses associated with the job were less. I’m happy with that choice nearly 26 years later and I think I have avoided some stress as a result. Even so, project deadlines, system outages, and competing priorities can be a source of significant stress at the university. I am particularly conscious of the impact these can have on the managers and staff I have been leading. The years of the great recession, with their layoffs and tight budgets, put great demands on our teams at a time when the financial crisis was creating other stresses in their lives.

I have made a point of encouraging all the managers and staff I lead to look for ways to keep their lives in balance and helping them manage the stresses of our shared working lives. I’ve encouraged people to take time for important events in their family’s lives, to take real vacations where they can disconnect from work, and tried to help them keep the unavoidable work crises in perspective. I make a point of emphasizing how effectively they use their skills and experience in these situations and of remaining optimistic and confident about our ability to find and implement solutions. I encourage my colleagues to take advantage of the various wellness programs and activities offered by the university that can help manage stress and increase balance.

For me, the greatest stress began as I accepted a role in management. While I think I have been a good manager, and leader, I also think this requires me to work in ways that are not entirely aligned with my natural strengths and puts me in situations that I find uncomfortable, and stressful. As a manager, I feel I am called on to do work that directly affects the lives of the people who work for me and I take that responsibility personally. The pressure of change, and the increasing stress, as the scope of my role as a manager increased and I was responsible to some extent for the well being of many more people has been a real challenge for me. The difficult economy and limited resources added to that stress.

One way I tried to deal with this was to work more. It was not uncommon for me to work 50-60 hours a week as I tried to meet all the expectations of my vice president, and the needs of my managers and staff. This turned out not to be a very good strategy! I developed some medical issues that are directly linked to stress. Fortunately, most of these are more of a nuisance than a risk, but I know that poorly-managed stress over the long run can lead to serious consequences and that approach was simply not sustainable.

One of the stress-related health issues I suffered was more serious and I learned an important lesson the hard way. I won’t go into the details but this resulted in my missing months of work, caused some permanent damage, and it was over six months before I could return to work on campus full time. Only after the crisis was past did I learn that this condition could have killed me. To say this was a wake-up call for me would be a major understatement. Every crisis in my life has come with a gift, once I could recognize it, and the gifts from this one were some of the greatest of all. I realized more clearly than ever what really matters and I’ve changed my behavior.

I don’t work much more than 40 hours a week now and yet I manage to get done what really matters. I do a better job of asking for help, admitting when I don’t know and acknowledging when I am wrong. I got help from a therapist and have learned more effective coping strategies. I made the decision not to pursue any more responsibility and decided to begin planning for a specific retirement date. I also watch for the symptoms of stress-related medical conditions as I know these are the “canary in the coal mine” that can be my early warning system.

Some of the coping strategies I have found most helpful include writing, spiritual practice, meditation, and  exercise. I write almost everyday in old-school letters to loved ones and in a more private journal. I take time for my own spiritual practice several times each day, exercise regularly and meditate. My nightly walks under starry skies with our dog Zoe are a great! I practice what I learned from my therapist about awareness, acceptance and action and I will write more about that in the future. I have learned to set better boundaries between my work and home life and I take time to honor these as I commute home. I have added more reminders of what really matters to my office and these help keep me on the right track.

I hope you learn to deal better with stress sooner in your career than I have. This is an ongoing journey for me, I expect it will be for you, and it is one that we can take a more active role in shaping. It is OK for you to choose what is healthy for you and to say no to things that are now. May you find balance that allows your work life to be productive and rewarding while ensuring that those things that really matter in life, including your health, remain the most important, and rewarding, of all.