“Presume love in the other” - Søren Kierkegaard

This paraphrase from Kierkegaard has been a favorite of my for a very long time and It is on my mind today because I spent an enjoyable hour or so yesterday talking, over a slice of cold pizza, with a young friend about books, authors and ideas like whether people are basically good or basically evil. This young man has a keen mind and a stronger foundation in good books and scholarship than I do and it was delightful to spend time sharing our thoughts. Even when we didn’t agree, I gained a great deal from our conversation and it was also great fun for me.

I’ve wanted to find the original source of this paraphrase for some time, and our conversation inspired me to action. I found that Kierkegaard wrote "But what then is love? Love is to presuppose love, to have love is to presuppose love in others; to be loving is to presuppose that others are loving."  in his book “Works of Love” in 1847. I’ll keep using the paraphrase as it is shorter and carries the message well but it is nice to find the source.

The connection between these thoughts from Kierkegaard and my career is that I have used this idea often in my work as a manager. I’ve often shared this thought with managers and staff who work for me, and other with co-workers. I’ve also frequently used a variant of this idea where I ask that we “presume competence in the other”. While I wouldn’t expect all of the people I work with to embrace the idea that they should approach their colleagues with love, I do think it is useful for us to presume that we are all competent.

If we will approach our work on the basis that our colleagues are competent people of good will who are seeking to do the right thing to advance our shared mission, then I think we will make a greater positive impact together. This mindset can help us favor collaboration, a shared exploration of the best ideas, and trust that our colleagues are striving to make useful contributions. I think it can also help foster respect for differences in our ideas, approaches to work, strengths and weaknesses.

I hold myself accountable to this same standard and I am not perfect in meeting my own expectations. Any of us can be tempted, in situations where we are frustrated by challenging circumstances or feeling pressure to deliver results, to respond to a colleague in unproductive ways. Even if I don’t speak or act to demonstrate my momentary disrespect, those moments when I feel that a colleague is acting out of ignorance, incompetence, or self interest don’t often find me at my best. I try to remind myself to reset my perspective and adjust my attitude.

I try to remember those times when I’ve had to say “I don’t know” or “I don’t know how”, and the times when I have been tempted to do what was best for me over what is best for us. We can meet honest ignorance or a lack of full competence with opportunities to learn and develop. We can respond to situations where someone advances an idea that benefits them, or their group, at the expense of the organization and its mission, with an open discussion of the results we will achieve based on our chosen course of action. We can work together in mutual respect and with an understanding that each of us will have moments of strength and weakness.

I acknowledge that I have confronted genuine instances of incompetence or ill will. I’ve even had to address threats of workplace violence and instances of dishonest or criminal behavior. Working from a basic presumption of competence and good will doesn’t mean turning a blind eye to these situations. In fact, a key responsibility of management and leadership is to address these problems effectively so that we can avoid or mitigate the negative consequences they have for the people we work with and serve.

Dealing with these difficult situations can be trying and difficult. That experience carries the potential to undermine the presumption of competence and good will. When working through the most trying of these situations, I sometimes had to fight against the pull towards cynicism and work to maintain my belief in the basic goodness of my colleagues. One of the best techniques I have found is to seek out examples of the great work the best of my colleagues were doing. By remembering to see and appreciate the best, I can work to address the worst and preserve my positive attitude.

Another thing that Kierkegaard wrote in “Works of Love” is “Love is not a being-for-itself quality but a quality by which or in which you are for others." This resonates for me in my work as a manager and leader. Whether or not we choose to call it love, I am sure we are at our best in our work together when we are acting for others and with their best interests at heart. This applies to our colleagues, those we serve with our work together, and the loved ones for whom our work helps provide a living.

Acting together, we are much stronger and more creative than we can be acting in isolation and the presumption of competence, or even love, helps create a foundation for collaborative action toward our common goals. I believe this approach is also the most likely to help us in finding our work rewarding and to bring us home to meet our loved ones with energy and open hearts.