“It’s the ordinary things that seem important to me” - Alex Colville

Again this week, I am on vacation with loved ones and just back from a relaxing stay at a beautiful lake in the Muskoka region of Canada. Today, I will publish another essay I wrote in late August so that I can devote all my time and energy to being present here with my dear ones. I’ll look forward to any comments you may share and respond to those when I get back. Being out of cell phone range is not always a bad thing!

I’m not certain where the “Jar of Life” story below originated, but one possible source is Dr. Stephen R. Covey. I know he used a similar story in teaching about time management. However this story started, I’m glad it did. It’s a favorite of mine.

One Christmas Eve, many years ago, I received an email from my sister, Nancy, with a story about a lecture given by a college professor. In the story, the professor faces a large lecture hall filled with students, reaches down under the lectern, brings up a large glass jar and places it on a table. Then the professor reaches down for an old metal bucket and proceeds to fill the jar with large, smooth pebbles. Finished, the professor turns to the class and asks, “Is the jar full?” There are many nodding heads and a few brave students volunteer that, Yes, the jar is full.

Smiling, the professor reaches under the table for a bucket of pea gravel and takes time pouring this in and jiggling the jar until it has sifted in between the pebbles. Looking up at the class, the professor says, “It looks like there was space in the jar for about half a bucket of gravel. Do you think it is full this time?” The students realize the joke was on them and, admitting they were wrong before, agree that now the jar is full.

The professor then brings out another bucket and proceeds to sift clean, white sand into the jar until all the spaces between the gravel are filled and the sand reaches the rim of the jar. Turning to the class the professor says, “Clearly, the jar still wasn’t full. Is it full now?” The students are a bit more cautious this time. After all, this professor seems like a pretty tricky customer! Ultimately, after some whispering and shuffling of feet, the heads nod and they agree that the jar is now full.

At this point, the professor reaches into a shelf in the lectern and, bringing out two glasses of red wine, smiles up at the class and slowly pours the contents of the glasses into the jar. The students look on expectantly wondering what will happen next, and also wondering what this all means.

Still smiling, the professor says to them, “Today, I hope you will learn one of the most important things I have to teach you. This jar is a metaphor for your life. The smooth pebbles represent the things that really matter to you and that will fill your life with meaning and joy. The sand represents all the other things that can occupy your time and energy but that are not really very important in the end. It is crucial that you learn to first make space in the jar of your life for what really matters. If I had filled the jar with sand first, there would never have been room for the pebbles. Do you understand?”

The students look down with various expressions of understanding and puzzlement until one brave young woman raises her hand and asks, “I think I understand, and this does seem very important, but what about the wine?” The professor smiles more broadly and says, “That is a very good question and I’m glad you asked. You see, this exercise demonstrates that even after you first make room for the important things in life, and then the busy demands on your time and energy seem to have occupied all the rest of your capacity, there is always room for a glass of wine with a friend.”

This story, which I hope I’ve done a good job of remembering and retelling, moved me deeply at a time when my life was continuing to become busier and more stressful. After reading Nancy’s email that Christmas Eve, I found an old Mason jar and some golf balls. I sat quietly by the fire with the sounds of our family around me and wrote on the golf balls words that represented the truly important things in my life. “Sue”, “CJ”, “John”, “Family”, “Friends”, “Home”, “Learning and Reading”, “Music”, “Health”, “Creativity” and “Passion”.

On some of the balls I added more words including the names of very special friends on the one labeled “Friends”. I made space in the jar for all the balls and screwed on the lid; smiling as I realized it bulged out on top a bit to make room for all these important things. That jar sat on the hearth by the fire until I returned to work after New Years. It has sat next to the phone on my desk ever since to remind me of what really matters. I feel happier and more peaceful each time I see it and especially glad to see the names of my loved ones there when I do.

I find that having reminders of what really matters in my office where I can see them throughout the day helps me keep my priorities straight. I’ll write more about this topic in a future essay and I’d be interested in ways you’ve found to do this in your offices.