“They're certainly entitled to think that, and they're entitled to full respect for their opinions... but before I can live with other folks I've got to live with myself. The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience.” - Harper Lee in “To Kill a Mockingbird”

I wrote this essay yesterday and then learned this morning of David Bowie's death. His creativity, and courage in being who he chose to be, and doing what he chose to do, were an inspiration to me and many others. He certainly was courageous in choosing to do what he thought was right. "Check ignition and may God's love be with you." Go on in peace, David Bowie. "The stars look very different today" with you among them.

As I look back at my career in IT, I am thinking of those times when I had to balance doing what I thought was right today with remaining part of the organization where I was working so that I could be part of pursuing what was right in the long run. There have been situations where it almost felt I was having to balance longevity, in my career and with the organization, with integrity. I say “almost” because I hope I can honestly say I have never surrendered my integrity in order to keep my job. To my colleagues at the university who read these essays, let me reassure you I do not find myself in such a crisis today.

In the course of our careers, and lives, there are many times when we are faced with situations where we are certain a particular course of action would be best, but the decision is to take a different approach. Most often, these are routine differences of opinion, but sometimes they are matters of great importance to us. In these cases it can be very difficult to find a balance we can accept. In my own career, there have been times I seriously considered finding another job, or seeking a new position with the organization, and some significant periods when I continued working to do my best for the organization, and my team members, despite being very much at odds with the direction we were pursuing.

I have been asked to do things that were very difficult for me to face, and that lead to do some serious soul searching, but I don’t recall ever being asked to do something unethical, immoral or illegal. I’ve had to pursue layoffs that resulted from a change in our IT strategy that I opposed, the dismissal of employees for cause, and shutting down the business operations of a service that was no longer viable. Most of these situations were simply difficult but laying off staff when I thought we’d have been better off keeping them and not changing our direction lead me to consider a career change. While I felt at times like the captain of a sinking ship, I ultimately decided it was best to stay and see the difficult task through.

I came closest to resigning a job over a matter of principle when my vice president broke a promise that had been made to me and two colleagues about our future with the company. All the arrangements had been made for each of us to move on to new positions with the firm that represented opportunities for professional growth and greater contributions. The new VP, who had been on the job less than a month, unilaterally cancelled those reassignments. My colleagues and I were shocked by this move and two of us were considering resigning while another was ready to accept his disappointment and continue in his current position.

Ultimately, after briefing my manager, I chose to meet with the president of the company. Rather than threaten resignation, which felt too much like an ultimatum to me, I simply explained the situation to him, provided documentation of the agreed reassignments, and told him how disappointed I was with the vice president’s actions, which I felt didn’t reflect the values of the company. I asked the president whether he would be willing to honor the promise that had been made to us. My thought was that the best outcome would be the president agreeing to do this, and that in the worst case I could resign and find another job. The president didn’t hesitate. He assured me the reassignments would go forward and I appreciate his honor to this day. The next day I learned that the new VP had been terminated.  While I never learned all that lead to that decision, it has remained a lesson for me about the importance of leaders honoring the values and commitments of the organizations they serve.

A number of times I have advocated for positions that I thought were critically important, and that I felt were best for the organization, and failed. In addition to the change in IT strategy mentioned above, I argued for in-sourcing a major service where I believed we could provide greater value for less cost and was told to discontinue my efforts and have no further contact with the team working on outsourcing that service. I've also tried to present data that would show that the IT unit I lead for an organization I served was underfunded and understaffed and was told the leadership was certain this was not the case and did not need to see that data. I’ve faced several similar situations over time.

What I’ve learned from these experiences is that there are both personal and professional factors to consider in deciding how to respond. In addition to my career aspirations, work satisfaction, stress and other work-related considerations, I’ve always considered what was best for my family and my own personal well being. I’ve learned I have options in responding to situations like these. I can accept the decision, try again to see if I can influence a change in direction, seek some compromise, or agree to disagree. There are times I’ve done each of these. I’ve also learned how important it is to go forward with integrity in every case. Even when I don’t agree, if I choose to remain involved I must do my best to promote the success of the direction the organization has chosen.

I’ve found it important to recognize the difference between these sorts of challenges and other disappointments that might make us question whether it is time for a job or career change. While seeing colleagues laid off in response to the Great Recession, losing management support for my SHARE career one year before I was due to serve as President, and other disappointments have been difficult and made me consider seeking different work, they haven’t presented this same sort of dilemma. These situations where I have no power to act within my current role are different from those where I have the ability to advocate for what I believe is right.

We face similar challenges in our personal lives where we are faced with balancing what we think is right at the moment with other demands and long-term consequences. I’ve written about regrets and some of mine are associated with circumstances where this balance required difficult choices. At least once in my life, I have broken an important promise and, while I regret having done so, ultimately I know I did what was right. Having made a promise I should not have made, I reached a point where the only way forward was to break that promise. I do my best to make peace with the consequences of my decisions. On some days I feel more at peace than on others.

The balance of integrity and longevity can extend from our work lives to our personal lives as we work to balance the demands of our careers with the needs of our loved ones and our desire to make family our priority. As we work to honor our professional commitments, we can be faced with choices that impact our commitments to our loved ones, and that can affect the most fundamental question of longevity; our health and how long we will live. I’ve faced this dilemma in my own life and learned some lessons the hard way when work stress has affected my health. I’m grateful I didn’t pay the ultimate price and hope I’ve learned this lesson well.

I hope you will learn to manage work stress effectively before it affects your health or family. I’m sure you will be faced with situations where you can’t do what you believe is right today and must accept that the organization you work for has chosen a different course.  I’d suggest you consider carefully whether it is time to keep advocating for your position or to cut your losses and accept the alternative. This doesn’t mean you have to give up. You can always be ready to try again when conditions change. I had another chance to present that data about funding and staffing for the IT unit I was leading.

Advocate for what you believe is right and do your best to help colleagues support your position by providing a sound rationale and good data. When the decision doesn’t go your way, be graceful in accepting this and give your best efforts to ensuring the success of what the organization has chosen to do. Should you ever find that you cannot reconcile what you are being asked to do with what is ethical, I wish you the strength and courage to refuse, and to accept the consequences even it that forces a change in your job or career. Make sure to weigh what is best for your loved ones, including yourself, and in the long run I believe you’ll find you can look back with confidence that you kept your integrity and did your best. I’m glad I can.