“But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you” - Kahlil Gibran from "The Prophet"

Today I am thinking about some of the advice and wisdom that my loved ones, friends and colleagues have been sharing with me about retirement. I am seeking their counsel, I appreciate their sharing their insights with me, and hope I will be open to benefitting from all they are sharing. I will chart my own course, make my own mistakes, reach my own goals, and be accountable for the results. Their generosity in sharing what they have learned with me will help to light my way.

The quote I chose to head today’s essay is one that I’ve particularly liked for many years and it contains the essence of advice I have received from several people.  “Let there be spaces in your togetherness”. This is part of Gibran’s advice on marriage from “The Prophet” and it seems very sound to me. My dear wife has been accustomed to spending only a small part of each day with me and, while these have been the very best part of my days, I can see how spending all day with each other on a regular basis wouldn’t leave us the space we each need to thrive and grow. While I am very happy about the prospect of having more time with her, I’m also making plans to make sure I can make good use of space and time for myself.

I am preparing a place for myself to work here are home by planning a small office in one corner of our guest room downstairs, This will provide me a quiet place to think, read, and write, room for my computer and some files, and for the rocks, shells, and other mementos that remind me of many happy memories. This will also be a comfortable place for me to practice most of the instruments I play and for singing and songwriting. As I’ve often used this space for recording music, it will be natural to continue doing that here, too. With the old rolltop desk I’ll be using, it will also be easy for me to tidy things away when friends and family come to visit. I’ll be happy to take a break from my office at these times in any case!

Another good piece of advice I have received is to make sure to have some plan for my time in retirement. I’m told this will help me have some of the structure I am used to while still allowing me all the spontaneity I’ll enjoy. I’m thinking about how to plan my time including time in that plan for work and play, and quiet times, together as well as for work and play, and quiet times, alone. I know that Gibran’s advice is also applicable to the close loving relationships I am fortunate to have with my family and special friends and I will be paying attention to how we can best enjoy more time together in retirement while allowing spaces in our togetherness.

I have also been advised not to shift gears too suddenly and to taper off from the relatively high stress of my current career as I begin retirement. Apparently, the body’s systems become accustomed to the chemicals associated with stress. I'm looking at good ways to reduce stress over time instead of all at once. The optimist in my character hopes this can begin at work over the next year but the realist isn't counting on that.

Those I trust tell me to expect this transition into retirement to take some time. They suggest I make an effort to be open to letting the process unfold as it will and to be ready to learn new things as it does. My ideas about retirement, and what I'd like to do, and the reality of this experience are likely to differ in some ways. I we be wise to watch for these and to expect them.

I am also advised to be prepared for surprises! My ideas about retirement are based on almost no experience with this new way of living and there will almost certainly be some puzzling, and delightful, surprises ahead. Except for vacations and holidays, which my dear ones assure me are a different thing entirely, my only significant time not working full time, or more, in the past 37 years is being unable to work due to illness in the first few months of 2014 and then slowly returning to work full time in the second half of that year. While one of the ways I coped with that time was to consider it practice for retirement, I certainly hope the real thing will find me much more able to act on my plans and ideas.

I will be ready to make adjustments in the plans I’ve made as I learn what ways of spending my time bring me the greatest joy, satisfaction, peace, and productivity. I expect to try some things that turn out great and others that teach me what I don't particularly want to do. I know that others will have ideas for how I could, or should, spend my time and I hope to be open to these but also open to saying no when they don't fit for me.

An insight I have experienced only recently is that there is power in the trust and respect I have for my loved ones and how I feel accountable to them. When I tell those I love, and my most trusted friends, what I plan to do, and what I value and believe, I am more likely to follow through with those plans and live those values. I will be keeping this in mind as I share my plans for retirement. I will also remember that my loved ones are routinely more gentle and supportive with me when I must change direction than I am with myself.

I am happy and excited about this next chapter in my life. It is only a bit more than one year away now. I look forward to talking more with my loved ones, friends, and colleagues who have started this chapter themselves and to learning from them as I make my plans and retire. Sometimes it is hard to be patient. With their help, I know I will be ready to turn this page.