"A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP" - Leonard Nimoy

Today, I am inspired by a conversation I had with a colleague to write about some things I do to help myself remember what really matters. I’ve written a bit about this in the past and I’ll share more ideas for doing this, and thoughts about the impact it has for me, today.

I was spending some time talking with my colleague and providing some suggestions about a document she’d asked me to review when she picked up one of the rocks from my desktop rock garden and turned it over to read the note taped to the back. You see, I keep this collection of rocks that I’ve picked up at special places that I’ve visited as a way of remembering a particular moment in my life and the loved ones I am fortunate to have share those moments with me.

She knows about my collection and also knows that I don’t mind people picking up the rocks or asking about what they represent. We talked a bit about that particular rock, and the lovely memory it brings back for me of standing on a rocky beach in Newfoundland with my wife and two precious friends. She handed the rock to me and the weight of it felt comfortable in my hand as I remembered that feel of the cool, wet, wind in our faces on that foggy day, of the sound of the surf crashing on the shore and rolling the rocks around, and the sight of my loved ones smiling, windblown, faces in that wild beautiful place.


My colleague shared with me that she has begun a rock collection of her own this past year and told me how her collection of memories can take her back to special moments of her own. She, too, finds the experience of holding a tangible reminder of these moments in her hand moving and peaceful. I was happy to know that my little rock garden idea had spread to another person and was helping them remember what matters.

We talked a bit more about things I do to remember and I shared another of my favorite ways to remember. I enjoy writing old-school letters to our dear friends who live far away and I’ve started including short essays that I call “Do You Remember?” in my letters. I’ve written just over 90 of these in the past five-and-a-half years and I enjoy remembering in this way very much! Our friends tell me they enjoy these, too, and that makes me happy.

The form of a “Do You Remember?” is very simple. They are each generally just two paragraphs long and begin with a phrase similar to “I’m sure you remember”that starts a paragraph about some happy time we’ve spent together in our travels, vacations, and visits at one another's’ homes. I write a few sentences describing the fun we had and then start a second paragraph with “But do you remember”...?

In that second paragraph, I write about some little detail of something we saw, or did, together with the hope that I’ll surprise them with something they haven’t thought of in a while. Maybe even not since we were together in that moment. Often these little details will bring a smile, or a laugh, and at other times they bring back a moment of special peace or beauty. A few times I’ve even managed to remember incorrectly and we’ve all enjoyed the process of them helping me remember how it really happened!

As I told my colleague about this, a tear came to her eye as she remembered a lovely moment at a family member’s home that she hadn’t thought of in a long time. She told me a bit about that happy memory and thanked me for reminding her to remember little special moments like these. She encouraged me to share this idea and I decided I’d make it the subject of this essay.

I think the original spark for these ideas was a visit I made years ago to a museum in Washington state with exhibits about the native people of that region. One of the artifacts that I saw on my visit was a time ball, or "ititamat", made by a woman of the Yakama people. The women passed down the history of the people from generation to generation in an oral tradition that used the ititamat to help them remember. 

A new bride would make a record of her life starting with courtship by tying different knots into a piece of hemp twine, for days and weeks, and adding special beads, sometimes including bits of shell or rock, for significant events. An old woman could use her ititamat to remember what happened in the life she shared with her family and tribe, and even when each event occurred. I thank the Yakama women for giving me the idea that I could use special rocks to remind me of significant memories from my own life.

If you’d like to start a desktop rock garden of your own, here are some tips. First, watch for special moments that you’d like to remember. This practice will make it more likely that you recognize them when they happen whether you collect a rock or not! If you do choose a rock to remind you, in this era of smartphones I find it very helpful to take a picture of the rock where I found it, and to make a quick note on my phone about what I want to remember. 

Then, when I get back to my desk, I make a label for my rock with the place and date and tape it on the back so that I can simply turn it over for a reminder of when and where I found it. I also keep a spreadsheet on my computer with the date. time, location, and notes about each rock along with a picture. This comes in handy in case a label ever gets damaged and lets me keep more information that will fit on my label. This also works for shells and I have some of those in my “rock garden”, too.

I’ve found that making a special effort to remember the times that fill my life with love, wonder, peace, and laughter is a wonderful way to increase my joy in living. Seeing these reminders of many special moments in my life is also a great way to help get my balance in times of stress, and that has helped me remain my best self during my professional career. If you decide to try a rock garden, or writing your own “Do You Remember?” essays, to help remember personal or family memories, I’d love to hear about that!