"Whoever, in middle age, attempts to realize the wishes and hopes of his early youth, invariably deceives himself. Each ten years of a man's life has its own fortunes, its own hopes, its own desires.” - Edward in Johann Wolfgang von Goethe’s “Elective Affinities” 1809

Today, I am thinking more about retirement and what I hope it means. This seems a bit like thinking about what it will be like to spend time in some new place I have never visited, or with people I have corresponded with but never met. I cannot know how retirement will feel, or what it will mean for me until I experience it myself. This is clearly part of the uneasiness that comes along with my eager anticipation to begin this new part of my life.

I don’t expect retirement to be an end to work. Instead, I imagine it will involve changes in the work I do and the emphasis I place on doing different things. I will still want the way I spend my time to be meaningful and satisfying. I hope it will be even more so than it is now. I also plan to continue working part time for a while, perhaps 12-24 months, to help shift gears from the stressful, full-time, work I have been doing, and to make some more money to support the things we’d like to do together.

In my career as a technician, it was easier to recognize where my ability and talent allowed me to make a difference. I spent more time doing things that fired my curiosity and aligned with my passion and desire to learn. In my career as a manager, and at my best a leader, It has been harder to have confidence that my talent and ability are making enough of a difference. It has been harder still to feel that I am acting on my passion and desire to do what is right with love. The realities of budgets, and other constraints, limit what we can accomplish. My ongoing efforts to raise executives’ awareness of the value of IT to the university, and even more the value of the people who do the work, have not been entirely successful. I know I have made a difference, and I believe I will be able to look back on this chapter in my life with pride and satisfaction. Still, I wish I could have served those who I work with even better than I have.

In retirement, I expect to find, and make, more time to do things that matter to me. To spend more time at other intersections “between passion and ability, desire and talent” than I have been able to during my working life. I will spend more time writing songs and playing music. I will take time to practice playing more instruments and exploring making music. I’ve always loved spending time this way. I want to have more time to sing with children and to volunteer to help advance social justice, and literacy.

I plan to spend time writing. There are essays I want to write on love, poetry that isn’t meant to be set to music, and I’d like to try fiction. I think that will be much harder! I don’t really expect to be published. I simply enjoy the process of exploring and sharing thoughts and feelings through writing. I will spend more time with woodworking. There are many projects that I’d love to do around our house, things I want to make for my loved ones, and creative ideas to explore. Wood is such a wonderful natural material. I’d love to try my hand at making musical instruments. In time, I may even be able to find some modest income from my enjoyment of music and woodworking.

I will have more time to be quiet and to listen to the “still small voice” within me. I’m learning that, while I am clearly good at being outgoing, and engaging with energy and positivity to collaborate with others, functioning as an effective extrovert, this sometimes seems to take a lot of energy. I like quiet time, including introspection, reading, writing, and composing, to recharge my batteries. I think having more time to spend this way will be a wonderful benefit of retirement.

I’ve also learned that my optimism and introspection compliment each other well. When they are aligned, I find energy and beauty in what I discover. When my introspection leads me to confront difficult inner challenges, my optimism sustains me as I come to grips with these. When my optimism threatens, or succeeds, in taking me to a place where I’m a bit too over the top, my introspection can help temper this and bring me down to earth.

I am so looking forward to more time in nature. The quiet there is some of the best, and the beauty of the natural world feeds my heart and soul. We know that travel will be a favorite part of retirement for us and we’ve begun making some plans for new adventures. Our favorite travel destinations take us into the natural world, and bring us together with loved ones. What joy there will be in more times like these!

Most of all, I will honor the most important intersection of all. The one that is most centered in my heart and soul. Time with my beloveds. My family and dearest friends. I grow in love to be my best self both for me, and for them. My career has given us the opportunity to provide a living for our family. In retirement, it will continue providing our living as I work to give my dear ones more of myself, and to be more completely myself in delighting in their company. That will be the best of all.

There is so much more to see. Beyond me in this world we will explore together. Within me as I come to understand, and share, my mind, my heart, my soul. Retirement will be a fascinating journey.