“Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.” - Mark Twain

Today, I am reflecting on one of my most fundamental values. I strive to do my best to do what is right with love. In the end, this has been the one approach that has stood the test of time for me. It’s gotten me through the hard times and helped me make the difference I’ve wanted to make. It’s also helped me find the greatest joy in life.

Doing what is right can be hard. It has also always been worth it. One of the most difficult things for me to accept has been the limitations I’ve faced. Too often, I’ve had to do my best to find what was right in situations where none of the choices felt good. I haven’t always been able to do what I would have chosen if I could have changed the circumstances. Still, making the best hard choice I could has served me well and I can look back at those times and know I did the best I could given what we were facing.

Doing what is right also means knowing what is right, and that isn’t always easy. Sometimes, the right decision is perfectly clear. Other times it can be hard work to come to grips with all the potential outcomes of a decision and determine what will be best for all concerned. I’ve found it important to listen, to seek perspectives from different people I respect, and to carefully consider the results of each potential choice. I’ve done my best to choose what serves the greater good, and to work through how we act on a decision to help ensure that we do the most good, and the least harm. Part of this has been doing all I can to help those who face challenges, or loss, as a result of a choice I’ve had to make. Change is hard and how we act to implement changes can make an important difference. Often, there are adjustments that can help make the best of a difficult choice.

Along the way, I’ve learned to understand the difference between what I wish could be, and what I truly want, given the realities of the situation. It has been important for me to be in touch with my thoughts and feelings, and to give myself time to ensure I am truly aware of, and honor, these. Sometimes the best way forward is for me to acknowledge what I feel, and wish could be, and then to act knowing that what I’d wish for is not really best.

I bring my best when I truly come to grips with what I most want. To do what is right. I consider the consequences of my choices and actions and then I choose and act. I know that acting on what I wish could be won’t always result in what is best, and most loving. When I look at things clearly, and in light of the reality of the situation, I am better prepared to do my best to do what is right. I know I have chosen wisely when I am am sure I am acting with love, respect, and honor to do what is right even while I acknowledge to myself that I could have chosen another path that is closer to what I wish could be.

Doing what is right also helps me avoid regrets. I’m grateful that I have very few serious regrets, and only one I still struggle to forgive myself for decades later. Many people have said that we regret the things we didn’t do more than those we did, and I think this is true. Of course I regret some of my decisions and actions. I wish I’d been more knowledgeable, experienced, and wise in making some choices in the past. Still, it is mainly the things I haven’t done that I regret. The times I could have been kinder, or refused to express my frustration or anger in a selfish way. The times I failed to say “I love you” for fear of rejection or misunderstanding. Most of all, the times I chose work over time with my love ones. Many of us struggle with the balance between work and family, and I know now there would always have been some other way to get the work done so that family could come first.

Although I do my best to do what is right, sometimes I get it wrong. At these times, I’ve needed to learn to tell the difference between the small mistakes and the big ones. What my lovely wife characterized to our boys as they were growing up as the difference between, “oops” and “oh, my god!” I’ve learned to make amends, apologize, and hope to be forgiven when I’ve made a significant mistake. I continue to learn to forgive myself, something I’m not as good at, to learn from my errors, and then recommit to doing my best to do what is right with love.

I’ve also needed to learn the difference between being overly self indulgent and taking proper care of myself, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Doing my best to do what is right isn’t the same as spending every waking moment in virtuous hard work! That isn’t reasonable, or healthy. Still, sometimes I choose self-indulgent actions that aren’t really the best, or right, thing to do at the time. When I catch myself doing this, I gently get back on the right track. I’ve learned that even though I’m far from perfect, I’m a good person. And taking time for the things that feed my body, mind, heart, and soul is good for me and helps me bring my best self to doing what is right.

Ultimately, I hope to look back on my career, and someday my life, satisfied that I lived in love and did my best to do what was right. With less than nine months before my planned retirement, I can look back over the past 38 years and, mainly, feel satisfaction and pride. I've made a difference and helped many people along the way. Most of all, I'm grateful for my loved ones, and so glad to share this life with them. I look forward to continuing my planning for retirement, and to doing what is right in this next phase of my life. I know that more time with family and friends will be a special part of this next chapter. I also plan to include some healthy self-indulgences and to make sure I do things I'd regret not having done!

"When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people." - Abraham Joshua Heschel

As I write today, the students are returning to campus for the first day of our fall semester and I’m happy to see them back! I am beginning a new school year with them for the last time and looking forward to my own “graduation” to retirement this coming May. Each of these past 26 years, I’ve watched the ebb and flow of activity on campus from fall semester, to winter break, spring semester, spring break, commencement, summer, and back around the circle of the seasons.

There are things about the quieter campus we experience during the summer that I enjoy. The interlude after graduation is a good time to reflect as we regroup from the busy conclusion of another year of study, and look back on the recent celebration of our students’ success. I was happy to look back on a year that saw us growing after the budget woes of the past, and one that saw our IT organization lead, at last, by a CIO for the first time in our history. This summer was my last working full time here and I’ve spent much of it working to help re-imagine, and propose ways to reorganize, the IT support we provide to enhance the services we offer to students, faculty, and staff.

While the campus appears to be quieter, and there are fewer people here during our summer session classes, it is actually one of the busiest times for the IT staff I’ve lead and managed. They are very busy each summer updating the technology in our labs and classrooms, and revamping key aspects of our services and infrastructure. This summer was no exception and, in some ways, busier than ever for us. I’m proud of their dedication and hard work, and I am continuing to work with other leaders to improve the way we plan for these busy times.

There are many special times in the cycle of the academic year and this return of our students in the fall is one of my favorites. We’ve worked, and sometimes scrambled, to prepare for this return of the real reason for all we do, and the sudden presence of all their energy and purpose on campus brings me real happiness. They move across campus toward each new destination and I can see them moving toward their futures.

I’m proud to be part of a place where I can see the commitment of my colleagues to our students’ success. I love the little opportunities I have to help them on their way. Already this semester, I’ve had several chances to help some of our new students find their way in this unfamiliar campus environment. They’ve stopped me to ask directions, or I’ve seen them looking uncertain and asked how I could help. I’ve walked with them to make sure they got where they were going and I’ve appreciated my colleagues patience when the got that text from me saying I’d be a few minutes late to a meeting. When it’s for our students, they always understand!

The mood on campus will change with the changing demands of this new semester. From anticipation and uncertainty now as we begin, to determination, and some stress and anxiety, as midterms approach and papers are due. I’ll see again the panic I’ve seen when assignments and forms are due and a student, or parent, approaches me because they are having trouble printing their documents, finding the right office to turn them in, or understanding our processes. I’ll share their relief when we’ve sorted everything out and they know it’s going to be all right.

The stress and determination will rise again as finals approach and be replaced with, sometimes weary, relief as exams are completed by this December 14th. We will breathe a collective sigh of together as we leave campus for our winter holidays and I will know again the special peace I feel in the moment of stillness that follows the holidays before the new year begins in earnest.

I am grateful to have had the opportunity to work at the university for more than a quarter century after spending time working in the banking industry, and in county government. My work in the private and government sectors was challenging and brought me real satisfaction. Sill, there is a special sense of making a difference that has been part of my work in education. I love looking out the window, or walking across campus, and seeing our students. They are such an uplifting reminder of why this work matters.

I am also very grateful to have been recognized last week by our president as one of several examples of all of us who work to help create an environment where our students can succeed. The best work I do is to support our students, and my colleagues, in their great work. I was proud to represent the dedicated staff and managers in our department that day. When my name was called, I heard each of their names being called with mine. I appreciate the president recognizing my efforts to help transition our IT organization for a strong future of service to the campus, and to finish my career strong as I look forward to retirement. I have great confidence in the ability of our CIO, our leadership team, and especially in all the staff, to ensure that the future of the technology services we provide for our university is bright. They make me so proud!

Soon after we celebrate New Year’s Day, I’ll begin my last semester working full time here. I’ll experience the ebb and flow once more as our students confront, and master, new ideas and skills. I’ll see the determination. stress and worry on their faces turn once more to joy and satisfaction as they prepare for graduation. I’m looking forward to my own “graduation” eight days after commencement in May. This time, I’ll celebrate with them in a new and special way. I’ll be reflecting back during that summer interlude on a career of 39 years in banking and IT with more than 27 ½ of those years at our university. I think I’ll be able to look back with pride and satisfaction. Most of all, I know I will look back with fondness and gratitude.

"At every single moment of one's life, one is what one is going to be no less than what one has been." - Oscar Wilde

Today, I find myself thinking about change and one of the ways we are evolving as managers and leaders. I’m thinking about things we don’t talk about with regard to the challenges of managing and leading people. I’ve seen many managers over the years who took a very pragmatic approach to directing and leading their teams. They focussed on facts, data, and results and achieved varying levels of success in achieving their objectives. During most of my career, there seemed to be much less focus on, or acknowledgement of, the emotional aspects of how we do our work together. I can see us making progress in talking about these things.

I’ve wondered whether this reluctance to talk about emotions was, in any way, a reflection of the value western culture has given the “strong silent” leader. I have seen the attitudes and behaviors of managers change during the course of my career, and today I hear more discussion of emotional intelligence, what motivates employees, and the value of finding the “intersection” of passion, capability, and opportunity to help place people where they can make the greatest difference and experience the greatest satisfaction in their work. I still see a primary emphasis on data and results along with some skepticism about the real value of addressing the emotional aspects of work. Even where these are valued, many managers appear to struggle with how to identify and pursue changes that will make a positive difference.

In my own career, I’ve experienced many situations where colleagues resisted my advocating for more consideration of how our employees would feel about changes we pursued. Most often, this resistance seemed rooted in attitudes that our employees’ emotional response was either irrelevant or beyond our ability to influence. In the first case, the focus on results was of overriding importance and employees’ reactions were something we’d need to manage as collateral to the main focus of our efforts. In the second case, the approach was similar but with an added acknowledgement that these issues were important, but that there was nothing we could do about them.

Especially when we’ve reorganized and taken other actions that lead to significant change, especially cultural change, I’m confident that our success or failure has been strongly tied to how well we’ve addressed employees’ emotional response to these changes. It’s clear that changes like these can produce intense emotional reactions. Where we’ve acknowledged these and treated them with respect, people have been more able to engage with the and accept change. Where we’ve taken the position that we can’t do anything about how employees feel about change, or treated their feelings as irrelevant, I’ve seen much slower acceptance and a much longer memory of the change as a negative experience.  When we’ve treated employees’ emotions as fallout from the change, we’ve seen many other kinds of negative fallout.

It is also clear that we achieve much more together when people can identify with the values and mission of the organization and feel they are being treated fairly. Our common commitment to shared values and a meaningful mission can help bind us together in a culture characterized by mutual trust, respect, and open communication. Where we treat people with justice, we have a better chance to create an positive organizational culture that allows them to devote their energy to the mission. A culture strong enough to change as needed while continuing to honor the fundamental values and mission of the organization.

While they are oversimplifications, I’ve found two simple statements of priority that help clarify how managers emphasize people or results. Some managers align more closely with the statement “If we take care of the people, the results will take care of themselves”. Others with the statement, “If we focus on achieving results, the people will take care of themselves”, Clearly, I’m a “take care of the people” guy. Ideally, we’ll build teams that include both of these perspectives and strike a balance that honors the people and achieves results.

I’m encouraged to find that the managers I work with are talking about issues like these more often, and more openly. I can remember times when it was common for managers to hide their emotions in order to appear “professional” and to feign agreement with decisions they questioned to avoid being perceived as not being a team player. Today, I am seeing more respectful disagreement, and more discussion of how our proposals affect our people. I think the result is that the culture of our organization is growing stronger and the morale of our people is improving.

In the past, when we chose not to talk about these things, I think the result had a chilling effect on employee input, and reduced feelings of belonging to and being valued by the organization. Where people have not felt safe to share their thoughts, and confident that these would be welcomed, they have chosen to remain silent. When they haven’t felt they were treated fairly with regard to key issues like compensation, workload, and opportunities for development and career advancement, it has been hard for them to feel they belong. When they don’t feel our commitment to them, it is hard for them to commit to us.

The idea of emotional labor, and the fatigue it can produce, was first described in the literature of organizational psychology in 1983. In the nearly 35 years since then, the research has explored the emotional labor required to lead and to adapt to change, the tendency of people to hide their emotions about change to avoid being seen as resistant, and other aspects of the emotional work of change. Ideas about change, and human resource, management have evolved in response to this research, and to experience. I find this hopeful.

To create and sustain organizational cultures that support genuine engagement in shared values and a common mission, we need to talk about the results we want to achieve, and the data we have that helps us understand what we need to do and what impact we are having. We must recognize that it is equally important to talk about how we all feel about our work, the contributions we are each able to make, and the way we are working together. We’ve had much more experience, and are more comfortable, talking about results and data. We are still finding our way to an approach to discussing emotions with the same level of comfort and effectiveness.

I know there are still executives and managers who are skeptical about the value of this discussion. I am certain that we will achieve much greater employee engagement and satisfaction, and greater results, when we fully integrate emotion into our understanding of effective management and leadership. I hope that this will help us all enjoy making a difference together.

"A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP" - Leonard Nimoy

Today, I am inspired by a conversation I had with a colleague to write about some things I do to help myself remember what really matters. I’ve written a bit about this in the past and I’ll share more ideas for doing this, and thoughts about the impact it has for me, today.

I was spending some time talking with my colleague and providing some suggestions about a document she’d asked me to review when she picked up one of the rocks from my desktop rock garden and turned it over to read the note taped to the back. You see, I keep this collection of rocks that I’ve picked up at special places that I’ve visited as a way of remembering a particular moment in my life and the loved ones I am fortunate to have share those moments with me.

She knows about my collection and also knows that I don’t mind people picking up the rocks or asking about what they represent. We talked a bit about that particular rock, and the lovely memory it brings back for me of standing on a rocky beach in Newfoundland with my wife and two precious friends. She handed the rock to me and the weight of it felt comfortable in my hand as I remembered that feel of the cool, wet, wind in our faces on that foggy day, of the sound of the surf crashing on the shore and rolling the rocks around, and the sight of my loved ones smiling, windblown, faces in that wild beautiful place.


My colleague shared with me that she has begun a rock collection of her own this past year and told me how her collection of memories can take her back to special moments of her own. She, too, finds the experience of holding a tangible reminder of these moments in her hand moving and peaceful. I was happy to know that my little rock garden idea had spread to another person and was helping them remember what matters.

We talked a bit more about things I do to remember and I shared another of my favorite ways to remember. I enjoy writing old-school letters to our dear friends who live far away and I’ve started including short essays that I call “Do You Remember?” in my letters. I’ve written just over 90 of these in the past five-and-a-half years and I enjoy remembering in this way very much! Our friends tell me they enjoy these, too, and that makes me happy.

The form of a “Do You Remember?” is very simple. They are each generally just two paragraphs long and begin with a phrase similar to “I’m sure you remember”that starts a paragraph about some happy time we’ve spent together in our travels, vacations, and visits at one another's’ homes. I write a few sentences describing the fun we had and then start a second paragraph with “But do you remember”...?

In that second paragraph, I write about some little detail of something we saw, or did, together with the hope that I’ll surprise them with something they haven’t thought of in a while. Maybe even not since we were together in that moment. Often these little details will bring a smile, or a laugh, and at other times they bring back a moment of special peace or beauty. A few times I’ve even managed to remember incorrectly and we’ve all enjoyed the process of them helping me remember how it really happened!

As I told my colleague about this, a tear came to her eye as she remembered a lovely moment at a family member’s home that she hadn’t thought of in a long time. She told me a bit about that happy memory and thanked me for reminding her to remember little special moments like these. She encouraged me to share this idea and I decided I’d make it the subject of this essay.

I think the original spark for these ideas was a visit I made years ago to a museum in Washington state with exhibits about the native people of that region. One of the artifacts that I saw on my visit was a time ball, or "ititamat", made by a woman of the Yakama people. The women passed down the history of the people from generation to generation in an oral tradition that used the ititamat to help them remember. 

A new bride would make a record of her life starting with courtship by tying different knots into a piece of hemp twine, for days and weeks, and adding special beads, sometimes including bits of shell or rock, for significant events. An old woman could use her ititamat to remember what happened in the life she shared with her family and tribe, and even when each event occurred. I thank the Yakama women for giving me the idea that I could use special rocks to remind me of significant memories from my own life.

If you’d like to start a desktop rock garden of your own, here are some tips. First, watch for special moments that you’d like to remember. This practice will make it more likely that you recognize them when they happen whether you collect a rock or not! If you do choose a rock to remind you, in this era of smartphones I find it very helpful to take a picture of the rock where I found it, and to make a quick note on my phone about what I want to remember. 

Then, when I get back to my desk, I make a label for my rock with the place and date and tape it on the back so that I can simply turn it over for a reminder of when and where I found it. I also keep a spreadsheet on my computer with the date. time, location, and notes about each rock along with a picture. This comes in handy in case a label ever gets damaged and lets me keep more information that will fit on my label. This also works for shells and I have some of those in my “rock garden”, too.

I’ve found that making a special effort to remember the times that fill my life with love, wonder, peace, and laughter is a wonderful way to increase my joy in living. Seeing these reminders of many special moments in my life is also a great way to help get my balance in times of stress, and that has helped me remain my best self during my professional career. If you decide to try a rock garden, or writing your own “Do You Remember?” essays, to help remember personal or family memories, I’d love to hear about that!

"And in the end...The love you take, is equal to the love you make." - Paul McCartney

Today, in Atlanta, our friends at SHARE (http://www.share/org/) are meeting again and I find myself thinking of them and all they have done for me and for my family. I’ve said many times that SHARE has been the greatest and most satisfying experience in my professional career. It’s quite clear to me as I look forward to the end of that career that this will remain true. I am grateful for that and for our SHARE friends.

The picture with this essay is of the backpack I carry with me to work each day. It’s one I got at a SHARE conference and the latest in a long line of SHARE bags that have been my constant companions at work over the years. It is getting a little worn, as am I, but I think we will make it to the finish line together next May. It is a constant reminder of lessons I’ve learned at SHARE that make me more effective in my work, lead me to be a better colleague, and help me to get the most from, and give my best to, the work we do together. Pretty much every time I put that pack on my back, I also think of my dear friend, Martin, who once told me I’d better use both straps or I’d hurt my back! That’s the kind of caring I found in our SHARE family and I’ve used both straps every day since.

I’m thinking today of all that SHARE has helped me pack in my backpack over the years of my career. I first went there for technical training on the MVS mainframe environment I was supporting as a systems programmer in the financial industry. I’d been to many classes at IBM,  Amdahl, and Candle, and had reached the point where what I really needed was a program that would allow me to get both broad and deep technical content customized to my needs. SHARE was just the ticket! I went there and had the opportunity to attend sessions on a wide range of topics that gave me the very latest information on the programs, tools, and techniques I could use to be my very best back at the shop.

SHARE also gave me some of the best opportunities I’ve ever had for professional networking. I met colleagues who were facing similar challenges to those I was dealing with, and we shared our experiences and contact information. I met IBM developers and technical experts from science, programming, and engineering including IBM Fellows. I’ll never forget the time a group of us were so fascinated with the latest updates on storage technology from IBM Distinguished Engineer Don Chesarek that we almost got locked in the Anaheim Convention Center over night! It’s a good thing the security guard came by and shooed us out to continue our discussion at the SCIDS evening reception. I’ve reached out to my SHARE colleagues countless times over the years and found them a generous and resourceful crowd.

I got my first experience managing others as I worked my way up through various positions as a volunteer with the SHARE MVS Storage, and Windows Projects. Those lessons in coordinating the efforts of other volunteers have remained invaluable to me. I couldn’t offer them more money, I had to appeal to their common interests, and their desire to learn, and to make a difference. I still find those motivations more powerful than money and position among the people I manage.

When I joined the SHARE Board, my first role was as Director of Human Resources and I had the chance to address issues and opportunities that come with recruiting, building, and retaining effective teams. My mentor, Gary, was the first to make me aware of SHARE, and he sent me to my first SHARE meeting in Anaheim more than 30 years ago. It was there that I found more great mentors and my first chance to be a mentor for others. It’s been one of the most satisfying things I’ve done.

At SHARE I also had my first chance to deal with significant budgets and financial management. Serving as Treasurer there helped me learn how to manage expenses and revenue and, more significantly, to understand how to look at the value proposition for an investment. All throughout my SHARE career, presenting at technical sessions, working in the projects, and serving on the Board of Directors, I had the opportunity to practice and improve my verbal and written communication skills. It was at SHARE that I became an effective speaker, honed my skill at creating presentations for executives, and grew in every aspect of communication. My work as SHARE Secretary gave me a wonderful opportunity to work with policy, too.

Participating in the strategic planning process at SHARE prepared me for the roles I’ve played as a participant and leader as we’ve created strategic plans for IT at our university. I had the opportunity to work with strategic planning and partnerships at the Director and Vice President level at SHARE, and the value of those experiences has been immeasurable. Every step along the way in my growth as a manager and director at the university, I drew on experiences and lessons I’d already learned at SHARE. I’m confident I would never have experienced the level of professional growth and success I have enjoyed without the opportunities I had first there.

I haven’t had the chance to be as active at SHARE over the past seven years, and I admit I’ve missed that experience and these wonderful people. I’m glad I’ve had the the chance to come back and visit a couple times over these years and to participate in the EXECUforum program. I hope I’ll have more opportunities to visit at SHARE in retirement.

Most of all, Sue and I are grateful for the friends we found at SHARE, and especially for our beloved friends, Martin and Cathy. If it hadn’t been for Sue, I wouldn’t have had the support I needed at home to accept the chance to run for the SHARE Board, and I would never have met Martin. Sue wouldn’t have joined me that September in Santa Fe and met Cathy. We wouldn’t have found best friends in the process. But we did and it will be 14 years next month that we’ve enjoyed these special friendships and our adventures together. Who would ever imagined we’d find such special friends who live over 2,000 miles away?

I’m thinking of the two of them as I write this morning, and of all their lovely family as they enjoy some time together at a cottage on the lake this week. We love this Canadian tradition of spending time together relaxing with family, and the times we’ve been able to join them. The love and joy they’ve added to my life is a sweet and powerful reminder that the greatest rewards from my career are the people I’ve met and the relationships we’ve formed. It’s lovely to know that the wonderful gift of their friendship, and love, will still be mine all throughout the retirement years to come.

SHARE. It’s not an acronym. It’s what we do!

"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.’” - Margery Williams from "The Velveteen Rabbit”

Today, I find myself reflecting on endings and beginnings. Mostly, I’m thinking about the process of wrapping up my decades-long career in IT. As I do, I think about how I am planning for what I hope will be a long and fulfilling retirement. Soon, I will begin talking more directly with retired friends and loved ones about their experiences, and my plans, and I look forward to benefiting from their perspectives.

I find myself thinking of this final year as the last lap of a race I’ve been running. It is interesting for me to notice how I feel as I pass each annual milestone one last time, wrap things up and prepare for what’s next. If I think of the “race” as one that I will win or lose, and for which there is a prize to be won at the end, the analogy isn’t very apt. Instead, I think of my friends who are runners and who enjoy the training for, and running of, their races. For them the goal is more to thrive in the process and to strive to do their best. That’s the kind of race I’ve been running and the finish line is coming into sight for me just up ahead. I don’t expect to win, and I don’t see any prize. This race has allowed me to earn the reward of a good living for my family all along the way and I will be deeply satisfied to finish it honorably.

I am in the midst now of the last summer I will spend as an IT manager for the university. I’m working for the last time to support the staff who work for me as they re-image our computer labs, make sure faculty have the technology they need, and prepare for new faculty to join us in the fall. The staff supporting the administrative divisions are managing updates to technology, and refreshing systems for some of our colleagues. Everyone seems to be part of supporting temporary moves to allow for remodeling and maintenance work in campus buildings, and adapting as we replace infrastructure and upgrade services. It’s one of the busiest of all our busy times.

In the midst of all this, we are working through our annual budget update, I am supporting what I hope will be my last audit here, managing one of the large projects, and participating in several others. We have already begun taking steps to prepare for the busiest time of all as we ready our systems, and ourselves, for the start of the fall semester. I won’t miss the stress and deadlines of these times and I think I will feel relieved to see them completed just once more. I will not miss rising early to report for work at 7 am during our summer hours. I am beginning to decline meetings being proposed for next year after my planned retirement date, and I am enjoying that!

What I will miss most is the people. I have had the great pleasure of working with a team of dedicated, hard-working, intelligent, and creative colleagues. Early on, I was a member of that team working to deliver the best IT capabilities for the university. Since I became a manager, I’ve seen my role more and more as being “a person who takes care of the people who take care of the computers.” I’m proud to part of a leadership team here where I have deep respect and admiration for every other member of that team. I know I’ve done my best for our people and I also know how much I appreciate their grace and patience when my best wasn’t all they hoped it could be. I will be ready to pass the responsibility of caring for them on to my successor when the time comes. It’s been very satisfying to be useful and make a difference here and I’m also ready to move on.

All my life, I have struggled with some amount of loneliness and some self-doubts. Much of the stress I’ve felt in my career has been the result of the gap between my own high expectations of myself and my ability to meet these. They say “it’s lonely at the top” and I imagine they’re right. I’ve never been at the top, but the closer I’ve gotten, the more conscious I’ve been of this loneliness. I am hopeful that I’ll feel more comfortable in retirement with fewer external demands from a smaller set of people! I’ve been reading Ian Brown’s “Sixty” lately and I don't think I agree with Brown that getting older is necessarily a process of getting lonelier. I think this can, and does, happen but I don't think it has to. To me it seems that the elders who work to stay engaged with family and community have less of this accumulating loneliness. I will strive to be one of these.

I do expect that one transition I will experience as I move on to the next phase of my life is that I will focus more on the spiritual in a search for inner peace. Even when I was a boy, I was interested in how various spiritual traditions and philosophies suggest we should live, and in how similar this guidance is from most of those. The common idea that we need to find a place of inner peace and proceed from there feels right to me. I’ve written about the Hindu Ashram system of life stages before and I very much like that they call this next stage in my life Vanaprastha (वनप्रस्थ) which can be translated from the Sanskrit literally as "retiring into a forest". I’ve found that meditation, mindful moments, and time in nature help a lot for me in seeking peace, as does remembering happy times, and I plan to devote more time to these activities.

Moving from a stage of life where the vast majority of my time has been focused on the needs of the university, and of the people and teams I’ve lead there, to a new stage where I can focus more time and energy on being my best self, and with the most important people in my life, my loved ones, will be wonderful.

Looking back, I’m proud of the race I’ve run, and glad that I ran it in a way that reflects who I genuinely am. I can see times of growth and joy, and times of struggle and pain. Races are like that. Looking forward I see about ten more months of running the best race I can and then embracing what is on the other side of the finish line. I may come back to do some work at the university if there is a place for me to work part time, and they see a way for me to contribute. I think doing this for the next couple of years might help me shift gears in a healthy way.

There are more milestones yet to pass on this last trip around the sun as a full-time employee at the university. I look forward to turning over my current role to my successor once they are hired, to the start of two more semesters, the holidays, and one more graduation. I am advised that the holidays will feel like a busier time of year, instead of a break, once I am retired! I hope I will make it to the end of my career making the right kind of difference for our team and the people I serve, and that I will walk away essentially satisfied with the contributions I’ve made.

“Fun I love, but too much fun is of all things the most loathsome. Mirth is better than fun, and happiness is better than mirth.” - William BlakeToday, I find myself thinking about work. With all the emphasis on labor-saving devices and the drive for more leisure time in the US and other industrialized countries, it would be easy to reach the conclusion that work is something to avoid when possible. In fact, I think that work can be one of the most satisfying activities in our lives.

For more than a century, especially in more prosperous areas, we’ve embraced the notion of modern conveniences that could save us time and effort. From washing machines and microwave ovens, to personal computers and the Internet. Some modern conveniences have lived up to the promise of saving us time and effort more successfully than others. Information technology is something of a paradox. It has allowed us to find, transform, and use information much more quickly. At the same time, the opportunities it creates for us to interact with data, and each other, more richly often result in us spending more of our time with our computers!

The effort over these years to allow working people more reasonable hours has resulted in innovations like the 40-hour work week, paid vacations, and sick leave for many. This kind of “leisure” has made a difference in our health, the time we have with family, our ability to travel more, and engage in our communities. For some, these important efforts to secure better working conditions may have also created the false impression that our goal should be to spend as little time at work as possible.

I spent much of my childhood with this kind of attitude. It seemed like work was necessary, but unsatisfying. It was something to be avoided or minimized. Chores? You had to do them, but who would want to? While we’d talk about what we wanted to be when we grew up, I thought of how this would allow me to get the things I wanted and to have a family. I didn’t have a clear understanding of how work could provide the satisfaction of earning your living, and of making a difference.

Even as I prepared for college, one of the things I looked at was a booklet that provided estimates of what I could earn from different career choices. There were definitely times as a boy and young man that I was getting the message that finding a way to minimize work, get rich quick, and have the most fun possible was the answer. I was sitting in a freshman history class and found it revolutionary when the TA argued that work itself could provide the greatest satisfaction.

He was talking about the value and meaning that work brings to life and providing a historical context that showed work in light of a time before the notions of salary and wages. Seeing work this way, as a means to create real value, and make a difference, changed my perspective. I had already chosen to major in enology, or wine making, by this point because I realized that making something tangible would be satisfying for me. Hearing this graduate student speak about the meaning of work, really brought things into focus for me.

With this different attitude towards work, I completed my university degree and began my professional career focused on seeking opportunities to work in the most meaningful way. I’d changed my major to psychology, and I ended up working in IT, so I didn’t achieve my desire to create something tangible in my professional life. Even with the fact that I’ve never much liked what I do as a manager, I’ve learned that in a broader context, I find my work rewarding and satisfying. By allowing me to care for and make a life with my wife and family, I feel that my work truly can be “love made visible”.

I’ve found so many ways to do satisfying work in my personal life. With the attitude that I want my work to express my love and make a difference, even things like housework contribute to my satisfaction. I’ve mentioned my volunteer work at SHARE and in Yosemite and these are deeply rewarding to me. I get to gratify my desire to make things tangible as we work on our home, cook, brew beer, and as I work in my woodshop. My creative work as a singer and songwriter bring me deep satisfaction and the work I do to enrich my relationships with my loved ones brings me the greatest joy of all.

I’ve realized over time that, if I were given unlimited leisure hours, I’d choose to spend a significant amount of my time on work. As I look forward to retirement, a very wise woman (my darling Sue) has told me that I’d better have a plan for my time. I know that plan will include many kinds of work. I look forward to our working together, to working alone as my creative process often requires, and to working with others in our community. Each form of work will bring it’s own satisfaction. I do look forward to more time for travel and leisure with my loved ones too, and I imagine it will be sweeter with good work for a counterbalance.