"No language can express the power, and beauty, and heroism, and majesty of a mother’s love. It shrinks not where man cowers, and grows stronger where man faints, and over wastes of worldly fortunes sends the radiance of its quenchless fidelity like a star." - Edwin Hubbell Chapin

Today, I write the 50th in this series of essays and I’m about halfway through my journey of the last 100 Mondays before my retirement. I appreciate those of you who have taken the time to ready these words and I appreciate the thoughts and encouragement you have shared with me. I look forward to the last year of my career working in IT and to the new adventures that await me when it is over.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day, and I find myself thinking of my lovely mother and how she helped me become who I am today. Each day of my professional life, and even more significantly in my personal life, her gentle strength touches me in everything I do. From the first moments of my life she modeled strength, gentleness, intelligence, courage, and compassion. She guided my first steps and my first words and she helped me find my values.

As I grew, her love and acceptance were always there. When I fell as I was learning to walk, she picked me up, dusted me off, and helped me try again. When I made mistakes, or poor choices, as I was learning to be good man, she helped me learn from my missteps, and find my own right path. She helped me reject things that weren’t right for me while never making me feel rejected. Her strong, gentle, voice is with me still today, and it is a voice of integrity that helps me remember that, in the end, I simply need to find a way to do what is right with love. 

Mom and I shared many late nights talking through all the challenging issues I faced, and imagined, as a boy and young man, and she was ready to support and to challenge me. She helped me find the answers I needed, and to wait, as patiently as I could,  when no answers seemed good enough. I was a curious and questioning child and we also talked about philosophy, justice, religion, science, life, love, and just about everything else. I can’t remember her ever failing to find all the time for me that I needed.

I know there were times as a young man when some of my choices were hard for her to accept but I never had a reason to question her unfailing acceptance of me as a person, or her unfailing love. I’m sure that one of the hardest things I asked my loving mother to endure was a choice of partners that ultimately left us increasingly distant from one another for many years. My love for her was a constant companion for me through these years, and her love for me never wavered. She accepted that I had chosen this path for myself, and was always there for me even in the darkest times.

My failed marriage was followed by a new chapter in my life that brought me home again. When I wondered whether I’d be welcome, a very special woman gently said, “Call you mother. She wants to hear from you.” We were both welcomed home with open arms and my mother, and all the family, were thrilled to be part of the special day when we were married. I never knew until then how sweet life could be. I am so grateful that my dear Sue lead me home in time to have years to grow close to my parents and sisters again before mom died.

Mom helped me learn how to connect with others. I’ve had people tell me it seems that I can talk with anyone, and this is true largely because she helped me learn to listen, and to care about what people say to me. She helped me become the outgoing optimist that I appear to be while also being the somewhat shy person who needs quiet time to reflect, wonder, and rest from the world.  Even today, each decision I make is shaped by the steady loving way she raised me.

One of my great joys today is watching our sons as they have similar, very close, relationships with their mom. I have watched Sue provide the same kind of loving acceptance and wise guidance that I was lucky to have as a boy and young man. She is such a wonderful mother, and her approach to parenting has helped me be a better dad, and a better man. She has a simple, effective, approach that has served us all so well. She’s told me that the key is to decide what you want, and then guide your children in that way as they grow. To watch her do this in a gentle, firm, matter of fact way has been quite amazing. I’m so proud of the men our boys are becoming. The greatest part of the credit for this belongs to them, and to her.

I’m also feeling grateful today to my grandmothers who, each in a different way, filled my life with joy and love, and helped me become who I am. As I think of each of them, my heart is filled with a warm happiness, and my mind with so many happy memories. I am grateful to the mothers of friends who treated me as if I were one of their own, and to those sweet, strong, kind, and loving women, including my dear sisters, who are part of my life today as wonderful mothers and grandmothers, and as my friends. I am a lucky man indeed to be surrounded by such embodiments of love in action.

I mean no disrespect to the special men who have helped shape my life. My father, uncles, and friends have been very important to me, and there are a few, very special, men whose friendship is incredibly precious to me. Much as my mother does, they call me to be the best person I can be and I am grateful.

I have had both women and men mentors who have provided some similar kinds of guidance for me in my career, and their influence has also helped me grow as a person. I appreciate that they have each helped me find my own way instead of asking that I follow theirs. In my own mentoring and leadership, I am trying to honor their guidance by living my values, and helping others find the path that calls to them. In doing so, my mentors and I continue the work my mother started with me, and I aspire to honor her in this process.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. Today, and every day, is a day in my life made possible by my own mother, and graced by the gentle touch of her love. May I live these days in such a way that they will bring her joy and pride.