"Nobody works for you and you don't work for nobody. You only work with people." - Ed McCann of Petty Harbour, Newfoundland as quoted by Alan Doyle in his autobiography, "Where I Belong".

During the last week, I have had two colleagues ask me how I feel about the role I play at work and this lead us to having frank conversations about the fact that I have never much cared for the work I do as a manager. With these discussions fresh in my mind, I am choosing today to write about why this is, and how I’ve worked to balance my distaste for working as a manager with my appreciation for my colleagues and the deep gratitude I have for the opportunity to earn a good living and provide for my family.

It has also been very important to me that I’m doing a good job, and making a positive difference, and that I don’t allow the fact that I don’t enjoy significant aspects of the work to interfere with my achieving this. I know that people are relying on me, and I don’t want to let them down. My colleagues need me to bring my best ideas to our work together, and to do the hard work of managing as well as I do the work I enjoy more. My family is counting on me to do the work that earns our living, and to take care of myself in the process. They’re doing their part at home, and at school, and we take care of each other along the way.

I don’t want to give you the idea that there is nothing I find satisfying in my work. I have been called on to be a manager, a leader, a contributor, and a follower. Of all these, it’s the role of manager I’ve found most difficult. Leadership has allowed me to help my colleagues by framing a vision, with their input, and communicating that vision to the team, those we serve, and the executives whose support we needed. It was often hard work to do this, but it was usually satisfying, and energizing, work. Before I entered management some 15 years ago, I enjoyed my role as a contributor to the work of a team, and following clear direction to deliver what was needed. Management has called on me to do things that are much more difficult, and less satisfying.

For me, the hardest work in my career has been my work as a manager. It has been as a manager that I have worked to achieve our goals despite limited budgets and capacity, balanced competing priorities, and dealt with those who were disappointed, or angry, about the choices I was making. It is in this role that I have confronted the greatest amount of conflict in my career, and struggled to find ways to motivate employees who were dissatisfied with their own roles, and compensation, or who simply weren’t performing as needed. It is as a manager that I’ve had to address customers who were dissatisfied when the limitations we faced prevented us from meeting their expectations.

The hardest work of all has come when, as a manager, I’ve had to discipline employees whose performance, or behavior, wasn’t acceptable, and in some cases terminate an employee who wasn’t able to address these concerns. Equally difficult were those times when I’ve had to lay off employees, and close departments, because we no longer needed the services they provided. In some ways, this was even harder because it felt like we were letting good people go. I’m glad that I was able to find new positions for many, and wish I could have done that for all of them.

Managing makes me tired. I realized many years ago that I come away from this work with less energy, and I’ve taken steps to help myself recharge my batteries by balancing these tasks with other activities. So often, managing seems to have involved saying “no” to things when I wished I could say “yes”. It seems to have had so much to do with how we were limited and what we couldn’t do, and with the hard choices of budget and priority. Too often, I’ve had to ask employees to wait for a raise I knew they deserved, or for an opportunity to grow in their careers. Ultimately, managing has meant working outside of my greatest strengths as a person. The various personality assessments, including Myers-Briggs, DiSC and others we’ve used, make it clear that managing involves “working against type” for me. I can do this work effectively, but it involves a greater effort. No wonder it makes me tired!

Succeeding as a manager has meant finding ways to take a break from this hard work and then returning with new energy to continue the work effectively. I’ve used mediation, exercise, and reading to recharge. I regularly take time at lunch to write to my best friends as this refreshes me and helps me keep clear in my mind, and heart, what really matters. I appreciate that my role also allows some time for what I enjoy doing in my work. The good work of mentoring, coaching, and working together with colleagues to find answers and solutions gives me more energy than it consumes. Opportunities to spend some time on analysis, and helping people understand each other better and grow, also recharge my batteries. When I pursue these activities, I am working within type and this is where I find the greatest satisfaction in my work.

With all this in mind, it won’t come as much of a surprise that I didn’t set out to work in management. In fact, I didn’t set out to work in IT at all. Initially, I studied to become a winemaker as I felt that working to create something tangible was most likely to be satisfying. Ultimately, I graduated with a degree in psychology and was planning to practice and do research because I was motivated by helping people and understanding their emotions, and my own. Fortunately, when I couldn’t afford to continue my education and needed a better job, I found my way to IT. Starting as a computer operator on IBM 360 mainframes, I taught myself to program in assembler language and I was on my way. I enjoyed programming a lot!

After working in government and banking, I found my way to managing because I was asked to take on that role by my director at the university. I have always felt a responsibility to do what was needed of me so I agreed to take on this new challenge. I find it interesting to look back at my career here and see that I always advanced in my career by saying “yes” when asked to take on more responsibility. I never succeeded when I applied for a more senior role, but was always offered one some time later. Along they way, I realized that I didn’t want to be a CIO after all. Perhaps this was one of those situations when it was good for me that the answer to my requests was sometimes “no”.

In the course of my career, I’ve realized that both leadership and management are necessary to get the job done and that most leaders are also called on to manage. It just happens that one of these is easier for me than the other. When my colleagues learned that I don’t much care for my role as a manager, one of them asked me why I didn’t change careers to do something I found more enjoyable and rewarding. He wondered how I managed to make peace with the choice of staying with this work. Ultimately, my answer was to look at what I do from a different frame of reference. While I may not be very satisfied by many aspects of the work I do, I am very grateful for the opportunity it has given me to provide a good life for my family. Our circumstances made changing careers less attractive, and I had work I could do well that would allow us to enjoy the other aspects of our lives, help our sons pursue their goals, and earn a good retirement. I may not always like the work, but I am definitely glad to have had the career. I also remind myself frequently that this work is what I do, and not who I am.

In addition to this career helping me do what matters most of all in caring for, and spending time with, my loved ones, it has also given me opportunities to act on my caring about the people I work with, their well being and success. While I may not always like the work, I have been very fortunate to work with talented, caring, and wonderful people. The opportunities I have had to say "yes" to their requests for training, new responsibilities, and pay raises, and to their good ideas for improving our service to the university, shine out as bright spots in our work together. The positive difference we've made together makes me feel happy and proud. I hope I have served them well whenever I have had the opportunity. I know they have made the hard times easier, and the good times sweeter.

Most of all, I'm grateful that the hard work, the good work, and my contributions to making it possible for our students to achieve their educational goals have allowed me to care for my loved ones. There is something special about knowing that my honest efforts to do what is right have allowed us to live a good life together. The work has allowed me the time and resources to follow my passion and joy in this good life, and to grow as a person. I am grateful. As I wrote this, I was reminded of a poem I wrote some years ago about work, choices, and accepting accountability. The work is never over and I plan to keep forging my future in retirement. Clearly, this poem was also inspired by my work as a volunteer blacksmith in Wawona!

May the Work Honor the Worker

Jim Michael June 11, 2010

Like iron in the smith’s forge

We are heated by the fire of our passions

Love, Hate, Anger, Friendship, Grief, Desire

We are shaped by the hammer-blows of our actions

Each effort shaping

That next incarnation of our selves

Like water quenching iron

Our choices crystallize intention

Setting the shape and temper of our being

To find the fire that forms you

Look to your passions, barely controlled

Tend that incandescent glow with care

For friend, foe, and fortune all can feed the flame

If you seek the hand that shapes you

Know it is your own

Whatever forces sway you

Claim each blow you strike

And at each cusp of choice

Whether honoring Joy, despair, or stern resolution

Boldly own the union

Of still water and glowing iron

Watching the rising steam

Recognize that you have forged

Renewal, not finality

Soon your fire will claim you

Passion preparing

For transformation

The cycle continuing as you evolve

Growing to meet your purpose

Until the final transcendence