"It seems that perfection is attained not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing more to remove." - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Two weeks from today, I will be celebrating Memorial Day as a retired man. As I look forward to that new adventure, I am also looking back over my years working in IT and thinking about what has made that experience most satisfying and meaningful to me. It’s clear that working with others to make a difference in people’s lives, and having the opportunity to work with my beloved Sue to make a good life for ourselves and our children are essential to why my work has mattered.

Exploring my thoughts and feelings about my career as I’ve written this series of essays has helped my gain a clearer understanding of my life’s mission to do what is right, with love. My awareness of my desire to fulfill this mission touches every aspect of my life, and informs my every action. In my personal life, it calls me to seek ways to engage in my relationships with my loved ones that reflect a growing understanding of them, of myself, and of our needs, hopes, dreams, and sources of joy and wonder. I seek to grow ever closer to these special people. To respect and honor the precious gift of love that we share.

I’ve looked for ways to make a difference in the lives of the people in our community, and I’ve been so fortunate to share a meaningful mission with my colleagues at work as our university gives us the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of our students and their families. Along the way, we’ve made a difference in each others' lives as well, and I feel so fortunate to have shared this work with such wonderful people.

This past Thursday, I had the lovely experience of seeing my first graduating student of this season prepared for her celebration of this special accomplishment. As I left another meeting, she was standing in front of our library in her cap and gown with bright red and blue helium balloons waiting for her family. Her face was filled with joy and pride, and it warmed my heart to see her. I stopped to tell her how much I enjoy this part of our academic year, when our students faces change from showing the effort and anxiety of final exams, to reflecting the relief and excitement of the end of the academic year. I congratulated her, and thanked her for being the reason we do what we do here. She seemed surprised and pleased. I know that seeing her was the best part of my day on campus!

I’ve talked with many colleagues here who share my feeling that the greatest attraction of our work is our shared opportunity to make a difference. While we are grateful for the living we make, and the life it allows us to provide for ourselves and our families, no one works at a public university because they are motivated primarily by money. We come here, and stay here, because we know the work we do matters. We provide the support our students and faculty need to use technology together to enhance their experience of teaching and learning. We are part of a process that allows people to work to change their lives, and our world, for the better. It is deeply satisfying to be part of something so meaningful.

It is in relationship with others, and especially with by loved ones, that I continue to become myself. It is through working to act in the most loving way on my feelings toward others that I have found my mission to do what is right, with love. As I grow closer to my loved ones, while honoring each person’s individual character, and respecting their need for personal time, space and privacy, I have learned to consider how my actions either support, or undermine, my intentions. I work to apply these lessons more broadly in my life.

I believe that there are no wrong thoughts or feelings, so it is not what I think and feel, but my choices as I act on these make all the difference. I am constantly working to grow and learn from my inevitable mistakes. I lose patience, lose my temper, lose my way. I say too much about my feelings, or fail to say what matters most. I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and stress, knowing that my choices can impact how much I suffer in the process. I've found relief through acting in ways that are healthy for me, and in seeking help from others. In the process, I realize that I am often striving to become when I would serve my mission, and myself, better by simply being. I am a work in progress, and always will be, yet I could benefit from honoring more often who I am now.

For nearly 28 years, I’ve come to our university each day to share in meaningful work, and come home each evening grateful to help provide our family with shelter, wholesome food, and the chance to live in beauty and wonder. My wonderful partner and I have made a loving home for our sons, seen them grow into fine men, and will watch one of them graduate from the university this time next year. At home, my mission to do what is right with love is even more important, and more meaningful. I am such a lucky man, and so very happy to share the love of our family.

Yesterday, we celebrated Mother’s Day, and my heart is still overflowing with love, gratitude, and pride for the amazing woman who has chosen to join me in sharing our lives on this journey. Sue is one of the best, most loving, mothers I’ve ever known. She is a person of outstanding character, intelligence, creativity, courage, and compassion. She is wise and funny, caring and strong. Our sons love her so. With her love, she has made all the difference for me.

She has been a true partner and has stood with me in loving support through the life-changing choices I’ve made, and that we all make again and again. Choices that feel so right, that they almost make themselves. Hard choices that leave us aching, second guessing, and grieving for losses we cannot avoid. Choices that allow us to return to the path when we have lost our way. Choices that affirm that we are on the right path, in the right place, taking the actions that genuinely express our love.

There will be new versions of these choices in retirement. I have already begun the work of finding the choices that will allow me to give my best self by doing what is right, with love. I am very grateful to my Sue, and to my loved ones, friends, and colleagues who have helped me as I prepare for this new adventure. What will the freedoms, and responsibilities, of retirement bring to me? Soon, I will begin to learn the answers. 

I will look for the quiet moments that allow me to enjoy being, and rest from becoming. It is in my closest relationships that I have found, and will find, the deepest meaning and satisfaction in life. I hope I will have many years ahead to share myself with my loved ones in laughter, shared strength and comfort in the face of sorrow, quiet joy, simply living, wonder, and love.

© 2017 James Michael. The text of this work is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0