"Work is love made visible." - Kahlil Gibran in "The Prophet"

My reflections today were inspired by remarks Ben Horowitz made about following your passion in his commencement address at Columbia this past May. I’m grateful to Peter Sheppard for sharing an article about those remarks on Facebook. If he hadn’t, I wouldn’t have had the chance to read them. For years I've struggled with something Kahlil Gibran wrote in "The Prophet" and Horowitz’s comments provide a different perspective. Gibran wrote:

"Work is love made visible.

And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.

For if you bake bread with indifference, you bake a bitter bread that feeds but half man's hunger.

And if you grudge the crushing of the grapes, your grudge distills a poison in the wine.

And if you sing though as angels, and love not the singing, you muffle man's ears to the voices of the day and the voices of the night."

I enjoy Gibran's work a great deal. He and Emerson are the only people I have quoted more than once so far as I begin these reflections each week.  Still, I have felt that my work has seldom passed his test. While I do not work "only with distaste", there is much in my work that I find distasteful. I first read “The Prophet” many years ago when I was in high school, and it resonated with my idealistic dreams about what my life could be. I hoped I would be able to find a career what would allow me to work with joy. Instead, I have found good work that allows me to make a difference but that seldom brings me joy and has little to do with my passions.

I have found my work distasteful much of the time these past 35 years. Managing the people who deliver and support IT services, working to understand the needs and experiences of those who use the services we provide, seeking to meet their expectations, and striving to foster a common understanding between these two groups has often been frustrating and discouraging. My frustration is eased by the respect I feel for the people who I work with and for the work they do. I believe that many of them have a greater passion for their work than I do. Ironically, I often feel more discouraged because I can’t meet their passion with my own.

This work is not at all where my passion lies and it is very difficult for me to do it with joy.  If I were to list those things I could work with joy to achieve, the list would include simple civilized things like cooking, gardening and making useful and beautiful objects from wood and iron. On the list would be sweet wild things like hiking in the mountains, swimming in tropical seas and Canadian lakes, and standing still in the silent places to feel their beauty. I’d wish to share that beauty and peace with the world. My greatest passion and joy has more to do with being than achieving. Living a life in love and connection with the wonder that fills and surrounds us all.

The list would include creative pursuits like writing and performing music and songs, drawing and painting to fill images with truth and emotion, using words to tell stories and write poems that evoke thoughts and feelings. It would include opportunities to make a difference by giving my time to help people. To open a world of ideas by helping them learn to read, to help make our world a more just and equal place for them, to help them have safe places to live and opportunities to experience their own joy and passion; especially in music and wilderness.

In his address to the graduates at Columbia, Ben Horowitz urged them not to follow their passions and he provided four good reasons for them not to. Instead, he told them “my recommendation would be follow your contribution. Find the thing that you’re great at, put that into the world, contribute to others, help the world be better and that is the thing to follow.” With apologies to Kahlil Gibran, I think Horowitz is on to something here. I still think that finding and honoring your passions is important to living a full, rich, and joyful life. At the same time, it can be very satisfying to contribute by doing something you are good at, even it that doesn't involve working in your passion.

Horowitz points to another possible measure of making love visible and one that I find attractive. His advice admits the possibility that we can find great joy in being of service to the world even when the work we do does not always allow us to work in our passion. I do believe that my work can be love made visible. I have made my own peace with the work I do on the basis that it allows me to make tangible my love for my family by providing us a living and more. While the work itself is not associated with the things I love, the living it provides allows my loved ones, and me, some opportunity to pursue our passions. Often, those passions lead us to where we can each make a difference.

Perhaps we can bake good bread, make good wine, and sing our best truth as sweetly as we can, and it will be joy enough to see these nourish our fellow travelers on this earth even if we do not burn with passion for this work. Maybe it will even be enough, for now, to be an administrator working with issues that are often distasteful if my work helps students prepare for their own giving to the world. While I've seldom worked in my passion, working to provide a living, and more, for those I love comes pretty close. Looking at whether my work makes a positive difference for others might even lead me to be pretty happy and satisfied.

Retirement will be a new adventure and offer me the chance to face these choices all over again. I wonder what I will choose?

If you’d like to read the article that inspired these reflections, it is online at:

https://www.themuse.com/advice/4-reasons-following-your-passion-is-overrated-plus-what-you-should-really-follow-to-be-happy

To listen to Ben Horowitz’s speech at Columbia, and for a trascript, please see:

http://a16z.com/2015/05/28/some-career-advice-for-all-you-recent-graduates/

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” - Khalil Gibran

This weekend, I volunteered at the Pioneer Yosemite History Center in Wawona, California to train teachers and the parents who will be helping them as they bring 4th and 5th grade students to Yosemite next May for the Yosemite Environmental Living Program (YELP http://www.nps.gov/yose/learn/education/elp.htm).  I’ve been involved with this program since 1988 and I’ve been training people to run the blacksmith shop station for many years.

The students will be studying Yosemite’s history all year and each of them will learn about a specific person who played a significant role in that history. When they are on site in the spring, they will be in character and in costume portraying the Yosemite pioneer that they have studied. For twenty-four hours, they will be John Muir, Totuya, Jessie Benton Frémont, Galen Clark, Bridget and John Degnan, and many other people significant in the history of this place. They will cook their dinner on the wood stove, ride the stagecoach, make a project at the forge in the blacksmith shop, and practice other skills that were important from 1850-1920.

Each of them will complete a project related to the contributions the person they are playing made to Yosemite’s history. Chief Tenaya may prepare to present on the significance of this place to his people, John Muir may write an essay, or a letter to congress, urging the preservation of wilderness, Totuya may design a basket she hopes to weave, Christian Jorgensen will likely paint a watercolor. Enid Michael may write about the flora and birds of this region and about her experiences as one of the first female rangers in Yosemite, and Bridget Degnan might write about her plans for the bakery she would start in the valley.

The goals of the program include helping students learn about why the national parks were created, and about the dynamic tension in the park service mission to preserve and protect these special places while providing for access and enjoyment, and giving them an awareness that these places belong to them. In a few short years, these young citizens will be voting and will participate in decisions that affect the future of these places. I’ve learned that the program provides an intensely memorable experience for the students and for the parents and teachers who participate.

I particularly remember two student of my wife’s from the late 1980s. Both had emigrated to the U.S. with their families from the refugee camps in Thailand. I remember meeting the first at a fabric store where she was working. This young woman, who had last seen my wife as she finished the fourth grade, immediately recognized her, said, “You were my teacher!” and wanted to talk about the YELP and her experiences there. It was lovely to hear her share these memories and we were thrilled to hear of her plans to enter the nursing program at my university.

I also remember one of her classmates who neither spoke nor wrote any English throughout their school year. He was an excellent student, had completed his report for YELP in his native language, and had it translated to English by a classmate. He portrayed Christian Jorgensen and had painted a lovely watercolor. When he walked out on the stage at the Town Hall Meeting where students share what they have done and discuss the future of the park, we expected that he would hold up his painting. He did, but then he surprised us all by looking at the audience and saying, “Hello. My name is Christian Jorgensen, and this is my painting.” The crowd burst into applause and cheers and the ranger turned to my wife and asked, “What just happened?”. When Sue explained that these were the first English words any of us had ever heard him speak, the ranger understood the response. I feel moved whenever I remember that moment.

My purpose in writing about the YELP today is both to make more people aware of this wonderful program and to emphasize what a profound difference we can make in the lives of others when we agree to give our time as volunteers. Inevitably, volunteering also has a profound impact on the lives of the volunteers. I am proud beyond the power of words to tell of the thirty years my wife has volunteered to Yosemite and the YELP. After many years participating in the program and volunteering at the fall training sessions, she chose to leave the classroom and give her complete attention to coordinating this program so that it could survive budget cuts and other pressures. For over ten years, she has played that role and she was recognized a few years ago as Yosemite’s Volunteer of the Year.

In these 30 years, Sue has touched the lives of well over 10,000 students, teachers and parents. Since the YELP program began in the late 1970’s, I’ve been amazed and inspired by the willingness of dedicated teachers like Sue and her colleagues, and their parent helpers, to take on the myriad details of preparing for and running these programs. Year after year, I’ve seen the difference it makes for the kids and the impact it has on the volunteers. Many choose to come back year after year to give their time and talents and there is a strong camaraderie among the members of this group.

The best moment of this past weekend for me was having the opportunity to thank the volunteers for what they do. After a day of training the parents and teachers how to facilitate the blacksmith shop station, I enjoyed sitting by the campfire eating a dinner of beef stew and cornbread they had cooked on the wood stove, and then played in the band for their Saturday-night barn dance in the gray barn in Wawona. Dean Shenk, the ranger and historian who supports the YELP, was kind enough to give me the mike for a moment between dances. I thanked the teachers and parents for volunteering and told them that it is only their commitment and dedication that make it possible for their students and children to have this remarkable experience. I admire what they are doing and I’m proud to be a part of that effort.

There are so many wonderful examples of how volunteers make the difference for others and each represents an opportunity for us to enrich our own lives as we serve others. I admire all of you who give your time to serve in hospitals, work for political campaigns and other social causes, volunteer for the Peace Corps, Habitat for Humanity, parks, arts and literacy programs, work with our elders, and make the difference in so many other ways. May we each continue to look for these opportunities in our lives and may we remember to share our appreciation for each other and our joy in this work.

“It’s the ordinary things that seem important to me” - Alex Colville

Again this week, I am on vacation with loved ones and just back from a relaxing stay at a beautiful lake in the Muskoka region of Canada. Today, I will publish another essay I wrote in late August so that I can devote all my time and energy to being present here with my dear ones. I’ll look forward to any comments you may share and respond to those when I get back. Being out of cell phone range is not always a bad thing!

I’m not certain where the “Jar of Life” story below originated, but one possible source is Dr. Stephen R. Covey. I know he used a similar story in teaching about time management. However this story started, I’m glad it did. It’s a favorite of mine.

One Christmas Eve, many years ago, I received an email from my sister, Nancy, with a story about a lecture given by a college professor. In the story, the professor faces a large lecture hall filled with students, reaches down under the lectern, brings up a large glass jar and places it on a table. Then the professor reaches down for an old metal bucket and proceeds to fill the jar with large, smooth pebbles. Finished, the professor turns to the class and asks, “Is the jar full?” There are many nodding heads and a few brave students volunteer that, Yes, the jar is full.

Smiling, the professor reaches under the table for a bucket of pea gravel and takes time pouring this in and jiggling the jar until it has sifted in between the pebbles. Looking up at the class, the professor says, “It looks like there was space in the jar for about half a bucket of gravel. Do you think it is full this time?” The students realize the joke was on them and, admitting they were wrong before, agree that now the jar is full.

The professor then brings out another bucket and proceeds to sift clean, white sand into the jar until all the spaces between the gravel are filled and the sand reaches the rim of the jar. Turning to the class the professor says, “Clearly, the jar still wasn’t full. Is it full now?” The students are a bit more cautious this time. After all, this professor seems like a pretty tricky customer! Ultimately, after some whispering and shuffling of feet, the heads nod and they agree that the jar is now full.

At this point, the professor reaches into a shelf in the lectern and, bringing out two glasses of red wine, smiles up at the class and slowly pours the contents of the glasses into the jar. The students look on expectantly wondering what will happen next, and also wondering what this all means.

Still smiling, the professor says to them, “Today, I hope you will learn one of the most important things I have to teach you. This jar is a metaphor for your life. The smooth pebbles represent the things that really matter to you and that will fill your life with meaning and joy. The sand represents all the other things that can occupy your time and energy but that are not really very important in the end. It is crucial that you learn to first make space in the jar of your life for what really matters. If I had filled the jar with sand first, there would never have been room for the pebbles. Do you understand?”

The students look down with various expressions of understanding and puzzlement until one brave young woman raises her hand and asks, “I think I understand, and this does seem very important, but what about the wine?” The professor smiles more broadly and says, “That is a very good question and I’m glad you asked. You see, this exercise demonstrates that even after you first make room for the important things in life, and then the busy demands on your time and energy seem to have occupied all the rest of your capacity, there is always room for a glass of wine with a friend.”

This story, which I hope I’ve done a good job of remembering and retelling, moved me deeply at a time when my life was continuing to become busier and more stressful. After reading Nancy’s email that Christmas Eve, I found an old Mason jar and some golf balls. I sat quietly by the fire with the sounds of our family around me and wrote on the golf balls words that represented the truly important things in my life. “Sue”, “CJ”, “John”, “Family”, “Friends”, “Home”, “Learning and Reading”, “Music”, “Health”, “Creativity” and “Passion”.

On some of the balls I added more words including the names of very special friends on the one labeled “Friends”. I made space in the jar for all the balls and screwed on the lid; smiling as I realized it bulged out on top a bit to make room for all these important things. That jar sat on the hearth by the fire until I returned to work after New Years. It has sat next to the phone on my desk ever since to remind me of what really matters. I feel happier and more peaceful each time I see it and especially glad to see the names of my loved ones there when I do.

I find that having reminders of what really matters in my office where I can see them throughout the day helps me keep my priorities straight. I’ll write more about this topic in a future essay and I’d be interested in ways you’ve found to do this in your offices.

"We shall not look back in anger or look forward in fear but look around in awareness." - James Thurber

Today, I am on vacation with loved ones and on my way to a beautiful lake in the Muskoka region of Canada. This week and next, I will publish essays I wrote in late August so that I can devote all my time and energy to being present here with these dear people. I’ll look forward to any comments you may share and respond to those when I am back in contact with the Internet. Sometimes, it is very nice to disconnect!

I am thinking about a way of dealing with difficult situations, and feelings, that I learned about as I got help with the depression that followed a serious illness. This approach, that has three key stages, awareness, acceptance, and action, made an important difference for me and I have frequently found it useful in the months that have followed my work with a wonderful therapist who helped me at that time.

This process of gaining awareness, moving towards acceptance, and finally choosing action has been helpful to me in my personal and professional life and I wish I had gained a better understanding of it earlier in my career. I had encountered these “three As” many years ago when I participated in the 12-step program, Al-Anon, to help myself learn how to deal with the behaviors associated with a dear friend’s alcoholism. They were certainly very helpful in that context and I see now that they could have benefited me more in other parts of my life over the years. At a high level, this process is one of taking time to become aware of my feelings about a difficult situation, allowing myself to accept those feelings as fact, and only then choosing action that will allow me to move forward in a way that will help me address the situation.

Awareness. First, I must take time to fully perceive how the situation is affecting me, how I feel about it, and how I am responding. One useful way of doing this is to consider what I fear will happen. Is there something important that I fear I will lose? Do I feel threatened in some way or pressured to act in a way that isn’t consistent with my values? By taking time to become aware of how the situation could affect me, and how I feel about that, I give myself valuable insight into what may be motivating my response and about concerns I might want to address when I am ready to act.

Acceptance. At this stage, I can feel tempted again to leap into action. After all, I know how I feel and what I am concerned about. Surely, that is enough and I can now act to put this discomfort behind me. In fact, it is important at this point to pause and take time to truly accept the situation for what it is. This requires me to be still, with an open mind and an open heart, and to come to a point where I can relate to what I have become aware of as fact. While I don’t have to agree with, or like, what is, I do have to truly accept the situation I am facing before I can choose action that is right for me. The Irish say “a tá sé” which means simply, “It is”. As I struggle to truly accept something difficult, I find this simple phrase a helpful test. Have I truly reached the point where I accept what is this simply and completely? Have I embraced it as fact and am I ready to use those facts to help inform my choices and actions?

I had a boss once, who I struggled with, who frequently said “It is what it is” in a way that felt less like acceptance than like frustrated surrender or an excuse for inaction. For a long time after we no longer worked together, I shied away from that phrase! I did find myself thinking when he’d say this, “Yes, it is what it is, but what are we going to do about it?” I look back now and see the impatience in that reaction. One of the most important things that I needed to learn to apply this approach to challenges in my life was that I must allow time for myself to work through the process. I have often felt that I wanted a solution to some problem as quickly as possible. While this is easy to understand, after all we’d all like to have feelings like sadness and discomfort end as soon as possible, it is simply true that it takes time to arrive at effective long-term responses to difficult situations. Only after I have gained an honest awareness of a difficult situation, and accepted what I have perceived as fact, will I be truly ready for action.

Action. Carl Rogers, a man who made great contributions to psychology, said “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” This wisdom can be applied to the difficult situations we face in our lives and careers. When I accept the situation just as it is, then I can choose to act. This is the time to thoughtfully consider the alternatives before acting with clear intention. Building on a foundation of understanding my feelings, fears, and motivations, able to work with the facts about a situation that I have come to accept, I can choose the action that is best aligned with my goals and values.

The most difficult situations for me are those where I feel powerless. Where I feel that something I do not like has happened, or is happening, that I cannot change. This can be particularly difficult when what I cannot change are the consequences of my own actions. For example, when I have acted in some way that has caused hurt, anger, and distance between myself and a loved one. In these situations, applying the same approach of awareness, acceptance, and action is even more important for my eventual peace of mind and recognition that I can choose, and have chosen, the right course.

In fact, there is always something that I can change. Sometimes, that something is within myself and my choice of action does not involve any overt steps to change external circumstances. You see, this is the stage when I can also choose the attitude I will bring to my response to a situation. Having gained awareness and acceptance, I am much more able to embrace an attitude that reflects a genuine understanding of my circumstances, allows me to take responsibility for my choices, and act positively to make the best of the situation. The greatest power for good comes in making a choice, and owning responsibility for the results, even when that choice is to accept, and adjust my attitude toward, what is without overt action.

In my professional life, I have faced many difficult situations where applying this approach would have been helpful. These have included budget cuts that have resulted in the need for layoffs, situations where actions by a member of our team have required that I take disciplinary action, when I have been at odds with my immediate manager or with the direction taken by leadership, and many others. During the past year, I have faced situations like these ready to apply what I learned from my work with my patient and helpful therapist. I found that, while the situations were no less difficult to face, I have been able to respond to them more effectively and with less personal stress and anguish than in the past.

I’ll close today with one more thing I came to learn during my recent work to work through the episode of depression that followed my illness. With help, I came to realize that there are gifts I receive when I face, and deal with, the most difficult situations in my life. From my illness, I am grateful to have received the gifts of learning once again how my loved ones, and colleagues, lift me up and help me through the hardest times, and of appreciating more deeply how sharing love with my dear ones is the most important part of life for me, and the gift of understanding how awareness, acceptance, and action can help me face the challenges ahead. I hope my sharing my thoughts about this will help you benefit from that gift, too. Awareness, Acceptance, and Action can help us find Peace and Gratitude.