"Once upon a time, wasn’t singing a part of everyday life; as much as talking, physical exercise and religion? Our distant ancestors, wherever they were in this world, sang while pounding grain, paddling canoes, or walking long journeys. Can we begin to make our lives once more all of a piece? Finding the right songs and singing them over and over is a way to start. And when one person taps out a beat while another leads into the melody, or when three people discover a harmony they never knew existed, or when a crowd joins in on a chorus as though to raise the ceiling a few feet higher, then they also know, there is hope for the world.” - Pete Seeger narrating near the end of "Pete Seeger: The Power of Song”

Today, I find myself thinking about something that has little to do with my professional career. Something that I’ve chosen for an avocation more than a vocation. I’m thinking about music and the feeling of being present in the moment, and in the music, that makes this one of the most satisfying and meaningful parts of my life. From my earliest memories of my mother singing in the car, to singing with family and friends as a boy, listening to Harry Belafonte, and Peter, Paul, and Mary, and my favorite recording of Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony at bedtime, music has been a vital part of my life. I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be a singer and I'm glad that playing and singing music is an important part of my life today.

I am a man who loves words and I strive to choose mine well to express the thoughts and feelings that I want to share. I enjoy taking the time to craft a sentence, paragraph, stanza, or lyric that will share what is in my mind, and my heart. Sometimes there are thoughts, and especially feelings, that defy being cast into words, or that I dare not try to speak. Then music may help me speak my heart beyond what words can say. In singing, and playing with no song, my aching joy, haunting loneliness, and love beyond any hope of being spoken can find voices of their own.

Singing for, and with, my loved ones and for broader audiences gives outlet, and richness, to our shared feelings. We can sing out love and joy, sadness and pain, hope and outrage. We can sing with shared passion and compassion. Compassion is one of my very favorite long words for the precious things we share. It stands beside the most important, small, words of all, respect, joy, comfort, peace, and love. It tells of how we share our passion with one another To make a better world for one another and for our children. It calls us to share empathy and our passion for freedom, justice and equality.

For me music is another of these most important words. Five letters that represent a whole world of shared feeling and artistic expression. Music is universal. It is not only a universal language, but transcends all language. It allows us to share our experience of life through a common joy in using special sounds to express what is in our minds and hearts. While there are those who profess their own lack of musicality, and clearly for some musical expression comes more naturally than for others, I’m with Pete Seeger when he says “There’s no such thing as a wrong note as long as you’re singing it.” And, with or without words, we can all enjoy listening to music, tapping out a rhythm, and humming along with the music in our minds.

One of the most difficult things for me to express about music is the sense of timelessness that it can bring. The feeling of being in the moment not needing, or able, to look ahead, or cast my mind back, beyond the now. A feeling that can be mine alone or, when the moment is right, shared with those I am playing with and for, or listening or singing with. When time seems to stop, stretch, or lose its meaning. When the world seems to become smaller, drawing in around us like the light of a campfire or a warm hug, or vastly larger welcoming us to embrace the universe together in wonder.

For me this is the place where the greatest musical moments are made. Where improvisation flows like a mountain stream or a rolling river. Where the music dances like sunlight on the waves. Where the soul of the player or singer is one with the sound they are sending out into the world. I know this is one of the reasons that I love live concerts so much. Moments of music that will come just once. Some of them captured in the live recordings which have always been my favorites. I remember opportunities to hear jazz greats like Dave Brubeck and Dizzy Gillespie in concert and to marvel at they way the occupy those timeless moments.

I smile as I remember the times I got to see The Grateful Dead live and to be with them and a crowd of others sharing the journey through their expanding improvisational landscapes together. I grew up inspired by the improvisational power and fluidity of legendary guitarists like Jimi Hendrix and Eric Clapton. Influenced in my own singer-songwriter style by Bob Dylan, Donovan, and the simple soulful warmth of James Taylor. Transfixed by and the incandescent soul of Janis Joplin.

I am so glad to have experienced live concerts, steeped in the improvisation that is central to the blues, by B.B. King, Muddy Waters, Willie Dixon, Clifton Chenier and so many others I had the pleasure to see thanks primarily to Tom Mazzolini and the San Francisco Blues Festivals he promoted over the years.

I am grateful beyond words for the opportunities I’ve had to play with other musicians in rock and roll, barn dance, Irish, and folk bands, and at sessions over the years. I love the learning, teaching, and sharing of these times we’ve had together, the music we make, the new young musicians who have grown into adults as the music played, and the community we’ve made together. I’m humbled by the times I’ve been asked to play shows of my own, and to be part of shows featuring many wonderful bands, dancers, and players.

Most of all I am grateful for those moments when I have sung my heart to my loved ones with songs of my own making, and seen them smile or laugh. When I have seen their eyes shine with love and happy tears. These are priceless shining fragments of eternity for me where we are joined together beyond the illusions of time and space. Close together in ways that begin to approach that day when we will see as face to face forever. They remain within the reach of my mind and heart always and bring me comfort, peace, joy, and love beyond the power of my poor words to tell. I treasure the opportunities left to us to make more moments like these.

© 2017 James Michael. The text of this work is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0

“It is spoken at the right time. It is spoken in truth. It is spoken affectionately. It is spoken beneficially. It is spoken with a mind of good-will.” - Vaca Sutta as translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu

Today, I’m thinking about one of the most important things that we do. Communicating. Even as I write these words, I am communicating and face all the same challenges that we face whenever we communicate. Am I expressing myself clearly, and in a way that my intended audience can understand? Am I being understood and gauging the reaction of my audience correctly? Am I listening effectively and properly understanding the response to my communication?

For me, one of the most interesting things about communication is that we can only know that we have communicated effectively by receiving communications in return. When I write these essays, I am usually left to wonder what effect my words have had on those who read them. I also realize that my original intent in writing these essays was to reflect on my own thoughts and feelings, and to capture snapshots of these with regard to ideas and feelings that are important to me. In this sense, I am writing to myself, but the questions I ask above still apply. Even when we communicate with ourselves, there is the chance that we may still misunderstand. I know I sometimes tell myself things that I later realize are not true.

Whoever we communicate with, there is the risk that we will not have clearly formed our thoughts. The quality of what we communicate cannot be better than our own understanding and awareness of the thoughts and feelings we are seeking to express. Even when we are clear on these, there is the risk that we will not choose the right way of communicating, or that our audience will not understand for various reasons. They must take the same meaning from our words, and other forms of communication, that we intend. For fullest understanding, we will need some common frame of reference, the same sense of the ideas involved, and we may need a similar awareness of emotional aspects of what is being communicated.

The most significant communications, in my view, are conversations of some sort. Two-way communications that require not only that we make ourselves understood, but that we understand when those we are communicating with respond. Skills like active listening, emotional awareness and intelligence, and reflecting back to verify understanding can help us with this vital aspect of our communications. We often need to restate, or explain, our thoughts and feelings in response to this conversation within a conversation in order to achieve a better understanding.

Sometimes, we may even benefit from specific techniques to help ensure that each person has the opportunity to express their thoughts and be fully heard. I’ve participated in discussions where the use of a “talking stick” or other token, along with rules that help ensure each person has the opportunity to express their views, can be very helpful. I’ve also participated in facilitated discussions that have helped improve communication within teams, and have seen the use of personality assessment tools help people improve their ability to understand each other.

I am an auditory learner and many of my communications are verbal. I like words, whether spoken or written, and enjoy prose, poetry, and song. I tend to be very aware of tone in verbal communication, though my own tone is sometimes misunderstood and I continue to work on this. I am also very aware that visual information, body language and other nonverbal cues are important in many communications. I’ve learned a lot about communicating from interactions with my partner and other visual learners. In close personal relationships, the deep communication that can come from a reassuring touch, a hug, the holding of a hand, or other ways of communicating through touch are vital. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I know that a single touch from a loved one can be priceless.

Communicating is one of the most important and rewarding things in my life. Whether I am visiting with or writing to my loved ones, talking with colleagues about the work we share, singing to share my love, joy or other emotions, or writing to express my thoughts and feelings, to me communication is a way to gain a deeper understanding of myself and others. Through my words, and actions, I seek to share myself and to grow closer to my loved ones. Even sitting quietly together can be a way of communicating my respect for a loved one’s feelings, my trust, and comfort in their company.

In my career, some of the most satisfying things I have done include coaching and mentoring colleagues, and helping people to understand and grow to trust one another. These require me to listen, to verify understanding, to think and feel about what is being communicated, and to help facilitate greater understanding. To help people grow closer to one another, and to their own understanding of themselves, is deeply rewarding.

I also know I have not entirely succeeded in communicating effectively. Just when I think I’ve been perfectly clear, I often learn that I have been misunderstood. I must return to my efforts to clearly define and express my thoughts and feelings, to verify understanding, to listen in a sensitive and effective manner. I think this is inevitable and I welcome the opportunity to grow in my ability to communicate.

In retirement, I will find new ways to enjoy communicating with others and I will be happy to spend more time with some of my favorites, including writing and singing songs. Most of all, I will welcome more time to spend growing closer to my loved ones and listening to what they have to say, even when they are silent.

© 2017 James Michael. The text of this work is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0

“Tell me what shall I do with these hands of mine?” - Dave Gunning

Today, we are observing a holiday to honor the birthday, and the life, of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. This is not one of my last 100 Mondays, and I am spending this holiday with my family. I wrote these words, earlier this week, not about my own experiences but about the legacy of wisdom he left us. I find myself thinking of his inspiring words, and I also have the fine song, “These Hands”, by Dave Gunning, running through my mind. Gunning reminds us of the hands, like King’s, that have “held the world together”, and asks what he should do with his own time here. Dr. King tells us that “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy” and that “Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'”

I wonder what Dr. King would think of the last several months, of these first days of this new year, and of the events that are taking place around us? It is a good time to remember what he called us to do. In a letter from a jail cell in Birmingham, Alabama, he reminded us that “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” There is certainly injustice impacting people throughout our nation and across the political spectrum. While some of the rich and powerful seek to divide us, we must come together to address the real problems in our land and not fall victim to the fact that “Differences have been contrived by outsiders who seek to impose disunity by dividing brothers” as King warned in his commencement address at Oberlin College. There are real divisions contributing to the polarization in this country, but there are also those who have contrived to amplify these differences for their own profit and power.

Today, the basic values and freedoms that make our nation great are threatened by those who would deny justice and equality to some, in order to advance their own power by making false promises to others. They advance the corrupt notion that denying freedom and justice to some will allow them to solve the problems faced by those whose support they have gained with promises they cannot keep, and that would harm our nation if they could.

In his Nobel lecture in December 1964, King warned that “we have not learned the simple art of living together as brothers.” He spoke of the recent presidential election when “The American people revealed great maturity by overwhelmingly rejecting a presidential candidate who had become identified with extremism, racism, and retrogression”. What would he say to us today?

The day before he was assassinated in 1968, Dr. King spoke in Memphis and told his audience that “the “world is all messed up. The nation is sick. Trouble is in the land; confusion all around. That's a strange statement. But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough can you see the stars.” As he encouraged non-violent action to achieve the change that was so desperately needed in those days, he called on those who would listen, saying, “Let us rise up tonight with a greater readiness. Let us stand with a greater determination. And let us move on in these powerful days, these days of challenge to make America what it ought to be.”

I believe that Dr. King would call on us again today to rise up, stand with greater determination, and move on in these days of challenge to make our nation what it ought to be. Looking out at us he would see people of different races, religions, and sexual identities. He would see immigrants, refugees, and Native Americans. He would see the women that make up more than 50% of our population but still earn only 83% as much as men. He would see people who are facing poverty and hopelessness even though their ancestors came, as immigrants and slaves, to this country generations ago and have worked all those generations trying to realize the American Dream for their families. Dr. King might say to us again, "We may all have come from different ships, but we're in the same boat now."  I believe he would remind us that "Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness."

He would call us to come together again, across the chasm that some have contrived to build between us, to oppose injustice and to work for freedom and equality for all. He would remind us that “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter” and encourage us with his wise counsel that "We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope." He would caution us, as he did his audience in Oslo when he gave his Nobel lecture, that “Violence is immoral because it thrives on hatred rather than love. It destroys community and makes brotherhood impossible. It leaves society in monologue rather than dialogue. Violence ends up defeating itself. It creates bitterness in the survivors and brutality in the destroyers.” I’m sure he would call on us to find a better way, as he did in his Nobel acceptance speech the day before, saying that “Man must evolve for all human conflict a method, which rejects revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.”

I wonder what new thoughts Dr. King would share with us if only he were still with us, as an 88-year old man, here today. I wonder what new voices will come forward as we struggle to find a way forward that rejects hatred, violence, and division. I will be remembering what Dr. King told us about the key qualities of such a way forward. “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” May we remember his wise and inspiring counsel and, together, do the hard work of continuing to increase justice, freedom, and equality for all.

I encourage you to listen to Dave Gunning’s, “These Hands” on YouTube at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5csvfGqJFqw He’s a wonderful writing and a fine musician. This song is on his album, “No More Pennies”

© 2017 James Michael. The text of this work is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0

"I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.” - Sarah Williams

Today, I am going to share some thoughts about an issue that has been with me through most of my years as a manager, and that became more challenging as my level of responsibility increased. A fear of losing myself, and who I am, to the job and its demands. I will also share some things that I’ve found helpful in working to cope with this fear.

Early in my career as a manager, and even when I was working as a senior systems programmer with frequent on-call and after hours work, this took the form of a vague uneasiness. An awareness that the demands of work, and my choices regarding how I would respond to those demands, could have important consequences in my personal life. I’m sure many of us have faced these choices and have seen the negative impacts that some choices could have on our relationships and family life.

Even at this early stage, my awareness helped me choose to put my loved ones first most of the time. Still, there were times when long hours at the office created stress and friction at home. In my second marriage, I am very fortunate to have a partner who has been not only understanding, but also wise in helping me understand that my effort not to bring work home wasn’t very helpful when it kept me late at the office. With her guidance, I started bringing some of my work home so that I could at least be present with our family even if I was working.

We continued working as partners to manage the impact of my increasing workload as a I entered the next phase of my career as a manager. I worked to make good choices about what I needed to bring home and what could wait. She gently reminded me when it was getting late and I’d be better served by wrapping things up and getting some time to unwind before trying to sleep. This worked relatively well for a while.

In the meantime, I began dealing with a different aspect of my fear of losing myself to my work. Working as a manager requires me to “work against type”. Many of the aspects of this work are not well aligned with my personality and temperament. I naturally value harmony and prefer to seek ways to avoid conflict. I am very concerned with people's feelings, and It takes a significant effort for me to deal with situations where there is disagreement about the direction I am providing, or when I must discipline employees. I prefer to create collaborative teams where members offer their expertise and ideas to help define solutions, and where we can reach agreement about the best approach.

Of course this isn’t always possible, and as I found myself being asked to play more and more responsible roles, with greater authority, the extent to which I worked outside my natural preferences increased. I had to lay off some employees when the work they did was no longer needed, and I worked to find them new roles with the university. I had to shut down some aspects of our operations and deal with some unpopular consequences of these decisions. I found myself in conflict with the executives I reported to, truly dysfunctional conflict in rare cases, but most often simply differences of opinion. Still, some our differences were about critical issues like budget, staffing and strategic direction.

As my work changed, and demanded that I take effective action in ways that were at odds with my temperament, I grew aware that the vague uneasiness I had felt in the past was crystallizing into a fear that working in this way would change who I am in some fundamental way. That acting as a person who could effectively confront conflict, direct others to take actions they resisted, and lead changes that had challenging, and sometimes negative, consequences, would reduce the empathy, kindness, and even optimism, that I had always valued as innate in me.  Whether this fear was reasonable or not, it was something I have felt keenly at times.

Unfortunately, I also suffered a significant medical issue related to the stress of my work. My efforts to balance the demands of my job, and the stresses it created, with my own health and personal life failed. It was six months before I could return to work full time. What had worked for a while wasn't enough to keep me well. It felt as though my fear that the job would change me had been realized in a very tangible way. For a while, it seemed it might leave me permanently disabled. It certainly got my attention and demanded that I change.

My fear, and my health crisis, motivated me to take action to seek ways to do the work I was asked to do in a way that was more and more consistent with who I am. Whether I would have actually seen important changes in my fundamental personality, I don’t know. I intentionally chose to emphasize collaboration and make sure we valued the subject matter expertise and experience of our staff. I advocated with senior executives for priorities that honored our capacity and commitment to delivering excellent service. In the darkest days of a budget crisis, I emphasized the need for senior managers and executives to look for ways that we could offer our employees hope in the darkness. After my health scare, I reduced the number of hours I worked from an average of 60 per week to something much closer to 40, and I very rarely bring work home anymore.

I am grateful that our new CIO has a very strong commitment to building a culture within our IT organization that maintains and expands on our desire to recognize, appreciate, and honor the great abilities and character of our employees. I am seeing an even greater emphasis on helping people develop and guiding them to realize their potential, and I am glad to be able to participate in mentoring and coaching activities that are very much aligned with my natural abilities. I am glad to participate in, and advocate for, these positive directions.

I have written in the past about the steps I have taken to keep my values fresh and present in my daily life at work, and to remind myself of what is most important to me. To do what right with love and, most of all, my loved ones. These became even more important as I acted to change my behavior. Even writing these essays is a conscious choice to emphasize to myself that who I am is worth working to maintain and to strengthen. By sharing these thoughts, I am holding myself to my own values and standards by declaring what I believe openly where it will be read by my loved ones, and by others I honor and respect.

Retirement is less than five months away for me now and I am confident that I will not lose myself to my work. I am grateful for the journey of self discovery that this fear has helped motivate me to pursue. I appreciate the openness that I’ve met with from so many of my colleagues, including key executives, as I worked to maintain my integrity as a person in the face of the stresses of my job. More than anything, I am grateful for the deep and gentle love of my wife, family, and dearest friends. These loved ones give me so much reason to be my best self, and they keep my honest. I love them so.

© 2017 James Michael. The text of this work is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0

“I firmly believe that love [of a subject or hobby] is a better teacher than a sense of duty - at least for me.” - Albert Einstein in the draft of a letter to Philip Frank, 1940

Today, I’m grateful to my wife, Sue, and sister, Nancy, for a conversation we had over the holidays about education and learning. Sue and Nancy have both worked as teachers and continue to educate children, and adults, today. Our conversation was wide-ranging and they offered me new perspectives on a number of aspects of how children and adults learn best. The one that made the biggest impression on me was about how we keep learning over the course of our lives.

As we talked together, Sue shared a story that her father, John, told her, and it has inspired me to write to you today. John was a botanist and spent his working life teaching at our university. He reached many students over the years with his passion for this subject, and I frequently meet new people who remember him and share stories about their experiences with him. He was also an iris breeder who introduced many new reblooming irises, and a wonderful father-in-law. I’ll always treasure the warm welcome he and his lovely wife, Fran, gave me as I joined their family and the loving way they included me in their lives.

John shared many wonderful ideas with his children and students, and I’ll always remember his strong feelings about life-long learning. He reminded us that, “A degree is not a license to stop learning!” In the story Sue shared, he explained to her that throughout our lives, we will meet with the same information again and again. Much like a scratch on a old-style record album, each time the record turns, we come to that same spot and here the “pop”. In the same way, we recognize that we’ve met an idea again and, he explained, ideas can become brighter, or dimmer as we meet them each time. Whether the idea grows brighter, and we gain a richer and more complete understanding, or dimmer depends on how we feel about it.

We may find an idea interesting, or challenging, and eagerly welcome each new opportunity to learn more. At each meeting, we bring our life experience to bear on the idea and may recognize new subtleties, see it from a different perspective, and make new connections between this idea and others. By the same token, we may find an idea, or even an entire subject, boring, confusing, or even unpleasant in some other way, and avoid engaging when these new opportunities come along. Just as a preconceived dislike for snakes or spiders might lead us to avoid learning more about these fascinating creatures, a preconceived dislike of mathematics, history, or ideas about people and society that are different from those we were raised with, might lead us to overlook the opportunity to learn something new.

The messages that children, and adults, receive about their ability to learn, whether it is appropriate for them to learn about a given idea, and which ideas are worth learning about can have a powerful impact on how they respond to these opportunities to learn, and to learn more. In some cases, they can even prevent us from noticing that we’ve been given a chance to learn something new. John, Nancy, Sue, and other wonderful teachers help prepare their students to continue learning by giving them messages encouraging them to welcome each chance to learn, to have confidence in their ability to learn, and to recognize that, even with ideas that are very familiar, we are never done learning.

Throughout our lives, we will change so that even the same information presented in the same way can affect us much differently. Have you ever read a book again to find that it offers you something much different than it did before? I often read books again, and sometimes find that those I struggled with most the first time have the greatest gifts to offer when I meet them again. When I first read Moby Dick, I found Melville’s long descriptive passages incredibly dull and hard to slog through. Reading the book again decades later, these same words provided so much rich texture and music to the story! I had changed and was finally ready to hear the music.

I love John’s story about meeting ideas again and again, and I realize, that when you begin by being familiar with something, that can be a head start. As Nancy and Sue discussed teaching, they shared how important, and useful, it can be to present the same information, for example scientific principles, to children again and again. To let them meet these familiar ideas again at different ages so that they can not only learn more about them as they and their experience grow, but also so that they can become comfortable with this idea that we always have the opportunity to learn more. To find new wonder in what may seem to be familiar places.

I’ve especially appreciated these opportunities to learn more in my life when I’ve formed misunderstandings. Encountering the information again, I’ve recognized these, corrected my thinking, and gained a new perspective on an idea I thought I already understood. I’ve also had some wonderful, exciting, moments in learning when our shared understanding of things has changed as we make new discoveries. I’ll never forget the Monday that the graduate student teaching us neurophysiology walked into class, told us to get out our notes from Friday, and had us replace some of what he’d told us with new findings he’d learned about from a colleague over the weekend. We had information that wouldn’t be published in Science until the next month! His passion for the information he was sharing was contagious.

Just as John shared with Sue that we will meet ideas again and again during our lives, I’ve found this is also as true for our experience of feelings, and relationships, including our understanding of, and relationship to, ourselves. By remaining open to learning new things about our feelings, and what they can teach us about ourselves and others, we can learn throughout our lives to enjoy richer and more fulfilling relationships, and to face grief and tragedy with greater strength of spirit. By engaging with our feelings honestly as we encounter them again, we can continue growing in our humanity, and in our connection to ourselves and others.

John, Sue, Nancy, and other loving parents like them, realize that learning about ideas and feelings can always enrich a person’s life, and they prepare their children to enjoy, and engage fully in, this journey. They recognize, as Plutarch did, that “The mind is not a vessel that needs filling, but wood that needs igniting.” I believe that the same is true of the heart and soul and that, once the spark blossoms into flame, all of life can be brightened, and warmed, by this fire. I am so grateful to have these, and so many other loving parents, teachers, loved ones, and friends enriching my life by sharing their light, and warmth, with me.

© 2017 James Michael. The text of this work is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0