"A morning-glory at my window satisfies me more than the metaphysics of books." - Walt Whitman

I tend to be a man who likes words, and I usually choose my words with care.  Today, I find myself thinking of the power of prefixes, and the differences between un, mis, and dis. What a difference there is between misinformation and disinformation. Much more important to our happiness in life is the difference between being unsatisfied and dissatisfied.

The first example is clearly a matter of intention. While there are many cases where we are unintentionally provided with misinformation, the intentional, and sinister, effort to use the power of disinformation to try to shape and control us is a much more serious matter.

I believe that there is a more subtle, and vitally important, difference in our intentions that distinguishes unsatisfied from dissatisfied. As we describe our unmet needs, and struggles with feelings like frustration, and loneliness, I think this difference can have an important impact of our happiness and satisfaction in life. I believe it is especially important how we describe these unmet needs to ourselves.

There are many kinds of need or hunger. Emotional, physical, spiritual, intellectual, social, and others. When I understand that my hunger is unsatisfied, I can choose to feed myself, or seek some relationship or experience that will feed my unmet need. Sometimes, there will not be a way to meet my needs, and understanding this I could choose to accept this reality, and consider how best to live with the situation.

If I instead respond to my unmet needs by choosing to be dissatisfied, I am failing to accept my responsibility for me own needs, and happiness. I am choosing to be “not content or happy with something” instead of simply “not satisfied”. Sometimes in my life, I have chosen to be dissatisfied, and it has never resulted in greater happiness or satisfaction for me. Not until I have intentionally turned away from dissatisfaction, and taken responsibility for my needs and feelings, have I found a way forward. Through action, acceptance or some combination of the two.

My choice to be unsatisfied as opposed to dissatisfied is also powerful in locating the power to address my unmet needs. When I choose to be dissatisfied, I am unhappy with the way I have been treated, and place the source of my dissatisfaction, and the power to resolve it, elsewhere. When I see my needs as unsatisfied, I locate the power to resolve the problem within myself, and accept responsibility for how I will address it. Perhaps when I choose to be dissatisfied I am trying to avoid responsibility, but I also give away my power to change my life for the better.

We all have responsibility for our actions in relationship to others. Certainly as adults we are responsible to meet the needs of our children, and of others dependent upon us. Any of us may fail in our responsibilities. When someone fails me, and the cause of my unmet needs lies with them, I can respond by recognizing, and even condemning, their failure, but still choosing to see myself as having unsatisfied needs. Instead of choosing the powerlessness of dissatisfaction, I can intentionally choose to accept responsibility for my actions, and claim the power to respond to the problems I face.

Accepting responsibility for my needs, and empowering myself to address them, offers me the best opportunity for satisfaction and happiness. Choosing to experience my unmet needs by being unsatisfied instead of dissatisfied is more loving to myself and those with whom I share my life.

(This essay is a departure from my writing about retirement here at Last 100 Mondays. I plan to continue that writing with a new essay in late February)