“I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach!” - Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

Today, I will write only a brief message as I am enjoying the holidays with my family and spending time with them is my priority. People of many faiths and beliefs celebrate at this time of year and whatever your own beliefs and celebrations, I hope you this season allows you to be with those you love and brings you joy, peace, and love. I hope that it also brings you closer to “that still small voice” within you that helps you find and honor your own deepest beliefs and values.

We have had a white Christmas here at our home, which we call Whisperwood, and it has been so lovely to have time with family here and to travel to spend time with family living not far away. I’m also glad that the Internet allowed us to have a video visit with my sister and her family in Helsinki, and that we are looking forward to a similar visit with dear friends in Canada soon! As we look forward to the beginning of a new year a few days from now, I hope that year will bring us all peace, love, joy, and the personal growth that helps us become our own best selves for our loved ones and the world. I wish you each a very Happy New Year, indeed!

“To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don’t grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.” - Alan Watts

When I began writing these essays, I thought about the sorts of things I would write and decided that, along with reflections on things I have learned at work during my career, I would also allow myself to write about things I have learned by living these years. Occasionally, as I am today, I’ll write one of these broader reflections. Today, as we are in the midst of a season when our fellow humans celebrate holidays inspired by many ways of believing, I’d like to reflect on faith.

If this sort of thing isn’t your cup of tea, I certainly understand! I’ll return to topics more closely related to what I’ve learned in the course of my career in IT next week.

I remember an excellent college course I attended on consciousness and the professor began his first lecture by reviewing the definition of consciousness with us and using that as the basis for the discussion that followed. With that in mind, I’ll start today by looking at Webster’s definition of faith:

1 a :  allegiance to duty or a person :  loyalty

  b (1) :  fidelity to one's promises (2) :  sincerity of intentions
2 a (1) :  belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) :  belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion
  b (1) :  firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) :  complete trust
3:  something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially :  a system of religious beliefs <the Protestant faith>

Each of these definitions has some meaning for me. I do try to be faithful in the sense of the first meaning. The sense of the word “faith” that I most want to focus on today is that in 2 b: a “firm belief in something for which there is no proof” or “complete trust”. I struggled with this idea for many years because I kept trying to find something to have faith in that I could know for certain from empirical evidence. It was only when I sat by my dying mother and held her hand that I finally realized I could not expect to find proof for that which required faith.

One of her concerns at the end was for my soul. I wanted to reassure her but I also wanted to be entirely honest with her. I found my answer when I realized that, although our religious beliefs were not entirely the same, there was something we both believed completely without the need for proof. My mother had a deep Christian faith that she would be saved and enter the kingdom of heaven. I have a deep faith that there is something fundamental, and beautiful, that can never die and that goes on, connecting us to one another in a way I cannot know or explain, forever. She believed that God is love and I realized as I waited with her on that last night that our two beliefs were the same in some essential way. This allowed me to gently squeeze my mother's hand and assure her that I did  believe, that I had faith, that we would be together again even after death. The relief on her face, and the peaceful look that followed, will be what I remember most from that night.

I explored the teachings of many faiths, in the third sense of the definition above, as I searched for answers as a young man. I read Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, Taoist and other texts and atheist, humanist, and existential philosophy. I also read works on comparative religion and theology by Krishnamurti, Bonhoeffer, and many others. 

In the process, I came to realize that to find the truth I am looking for, I'll probably have to look where I haven't looked before, or look in the same old places with new eyes and a new heart. While I don’t intend to discuss my own specific beliefs here, I did find that the most important ideas seemed to be present in all these faiths and beliefs. I also took comfort in my exploring as I realized that millions before me had sought after truth and found it it shining the same light through these, apparently, different windows.

I have long been attracted especially to the mystic traditions of various faiths. The writings of Christian mystics like Thomas Merton ring true for me as do Celtic notions of a mountain behind the mountain and a cloud behind the cloud. I’ve found that ring of truth in reading about the Sufism of Rumi, Omar Khayyám,  and the Nasrudin stories, about the Buddhist  beliefs of Thích Nhất Hạnh, D.T. Suzuki and, Alan Watts, the Tao of Lao-Tzu, and the Jewish Kabbalah of Rabbi Israel ben Eliezer Baal Shem Tov, and Martin Buber.

I feel a great affinity for the mystic goal of human transformation, variously defined in different traditions, and the notion that is is possible to find a union with the absolute, the infinite, or God. Mysticism has been defined as “the pursuit of communion with, identity with, or conscious awareness of an ultimate reality, divinity, spiritual truth, or God through direct experience, intuition, instinct or insight.” Very seldom have I had that direct experience, but when I have it has been transformative and even years later it feeds my faith.

I struggled for years with the conflict between dualism, the idea that the body and mind are separate and the promise this seemed to hold that something could go on when the body died, and the non-dualist views associated with my scientific training and understanding that held that the mind and body were one and inseparable. I finally found a different non-dualist understanding that everything is one, beyond notions of space and time, and goes on despite the appearance of life and death. After years, the old Zen koan, “What is the sound of one hand clapping” stopped puzzling me and made me laugh with joy instead.

For me, the closest I can experience to the reality of this oneness is the numinous feeling of wonder that comes when I am close to nature, gazing at the starry skies, floating on my back in the cool lake, breathing the spray and listening to the roar of the salty ocean, walking through the living forest, or standing on the peaks and meadows of our beloved mountains. Most real of all is the experience of oneness I feel in the quiet moments of closeness with my beloved ones.

My faith is in the something fundamental that connects us all completely to each other, and to the universe around us. Something that has no beginning or end but simply is beyond all space and time. The something we experience as love. Of love, I need no proof. In love, I have complete trust.

I wish you all great joy and love during this holiday season whatever your own traditions may be. I stand in blesséd wonder at the way we are all one everywhere, and everywhen. Today, on this shortest midwinter's day, I look back in gratitude on the past year and forward grateful to be starting another circle ‘round the sun with my loved ones. Soon, there will come the sweet quiet after the holidays that has always been such a special, peaceful, time for me. I wish you all Peace in this new year.

"If the other person injures you, you may forget the injury; but if you injure him you will always remember.” - Khalil Gibran

Today, I’d like to share some thoughts about a topic I’ve struggled with over the years. Regrets. I have mine. Things I’ve done and things I’ve failed to do. Things forgiven but not forgotten and things not forgiven including some I am still working to forgive myself for.  These have helped to shape the person I’ve become over the years and influence my choices and actions today.

Frank Sinatra, who would have turned 100 this past Saturday, famously sang Paul Anka’s words, “Regrets, I've had a few; But then again, too few to mention”. There are even some people I know, respect, and love, who say they have no regrets. While I hope this is true, and that they live more at peace with themselves as a result, I admit I can’t quite understand how that would feel.

For me, regrets are an inevitable part of living with my own human frailty. I am far from perfect and make mistakes that I regret. There are things I’ve done that I wish I hadn’t, things I’ve failed to do that I should have done, promises I’ve broken, things I wish I hadn’t said, and moments when I could have spoken but remained silent.

I look back on things I’ve done that I am ashamed of and I know I would act differently if I had the chance to do them over. There were times when I acted in anger, impatience, or disrespect and now I wish I’d shown better self control. I have acted in ignorance and wish I knew then what I know now. I have made promises I should not have made and regret the hurt I caused when I could not keep them.

For all the regret I feel for things I shouldn’t have done, I regret more keenly those things I have failed to do that I wish I’d done. There were times when I could have done more to stand up for what I know is right. I missed opportunities when I could have acted to prevent trouble, to bring joy, or show love. I could have made time to relax with people when I chose to work just a little longer on a task that could have waited.

I have specific regrets related to my work. I’ve had to layoff employees when I wish we had done more to avoid this necessity. I regret the times I have not been able to find the right way to inspire an employee who was struggling, and the times when I haven’t stood up to oppose actions by executives that I thought were wrong. When I have stood up, I wish I’d managed to succeed where I failed to make the case for a different course of action that would have been better for my colleagues and those we serve. I regret times when I said yes and should have said no, and the impact on my family, and my health, as I put in longer hours under greater stress because of these poor choices.

Most of all, I regret the times when my action, or failure to act, has hurt my loved ones or prevented me from being more loving toward them. I wish I could say I had never acted in anger, ignorance, or disrespect toward these most precious ones in my life. I wish I had taken advantage of every chance to act on my love for them; nurturing, comforting, supporting, and loving them with all my heart. During a period as a young adult when I was estranged from my family, I wish I’d found my way home sooner. When faced with a choice to give my time to them, instead of to work or myself, I wish I had chosen them more often. I often say “I love you”, and yet there are still times when I wish I’d found the best words, and even more the best actions, to show my loved ones just how strong and true my love for them really is.

For me, to have regrets seems to be unavoidable. What is more important is what I can do in response to my regrets. I can learn better self control to help me avoid mistakes I’ll regret, and learn to be more courageous in speaking up for what is right, and what matters most. I can work to make amends for the harm I’ve caused either by my action or inaction. I can redouble my efforts to do what is right and I can work to treat myself fairly as I seek to grow.

I can be be honest with myself about my role in the things I regret. I need to accept responsibility for my role, recognize when some aspects of regrettable situations were beyond my control, and work to forgive myself with the same grace and open heart that I bring to forgiving others. I can look for the precious second chances I receive and make the most of these.

May I make the most of the lessons my regrets can teach me. May I make amends for the harm I’ve done whenever I can. May I find the strength to be gentle with myself as I live with my regrets and the grace to forgive others and myself. May we all.

Nothing so conclusively proves a man's ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself.” - Thomas J. Watson

Although my essay today talks about two kinds of sheepdogs, the picture above is not of a sheepdog. This is is our sweet little dog Zoe. I don’t think she’d be interested in being anyone’s boss, but I do think there is something to be learned in considering the two kinds of sheepdogs and how we might compare their approach to their jobs to the different approaches people take to being bosses.

Years ago, I enjoyed reading some research about two broad types of sheepdogs and their different approaches to herding and protecting the flocks they serve. The article I remember reading was probably published in Scientific American in the 1980s or 90s as I used to read every article in that magazine each month in those days. The general point of the research was that sheepdogs could be separated into two broad groups based on the way they were perceived by, and responded to, the sheep.

One group of sheepdogs includes breeds like the Border Collie, Australian Shepherd, Belgian Sheepdog, and Shetland Sheepdog. These are herding dogs and sheep tend to respond to these breeds as they would to wolves or other predators. They represent a potential threat and the sheep form flocks and move away from the “wolf” allowing the sheepdog to herd them. The other group of sheepdogs includes breeds like the Polish Lowland Sheepdog, Komondor,Great Pyrenees, and Maremma Sheepdog. These are guardian dogs and sheep tend to respond to them as if there were part of the flock. They are introduced to the sheep as puppies and bond with the animals they will spend their lives guarding.  

Before writing any more, I’d like to be very clear on one point. While I’m interested in the comparison between sheepdogs’ herding and protecting strategies and the approaches bosses take to directing, developing, and serving the people they work with, I’d never suggest comparing employees to sheep! The people we work with are each wonderful, complex, human beings in their own right and each deserves our respect and our best as bosses. I also think sheep get a bad rap when we use them as a stereotype for human’s blindly following a leader or trend without thinking critically. My wife is a knitter and fiber artist and I rather like sheep! They can be quite intelligent in their own way. Each spring as I see the new lambs with their mothers on the green hills near our home, my heart is warmed and delighted by these tiny reminders of the coming of spring and of how life and love continue.

This also seems to be a good time for a quick story about how I seem to collect odd bits of information like this. I’ve always been interested in pretty much everything and used to read the encyclopedia as a young boy. Our own boys used to kid me by calling me The Keeper of All Useless Bits of Knowledge until the day one of them mis-spoke by calling me The Useless Keeper of All Bits of Knowledge! That name has stuck and we all get a good laugh out of it. Now... back to those sheepdogs and to bosses.

Just as sheep relate to some sheepdogs as they would to wolves or other predators by acting to reduce or avoid the threat they represent, employees respond to some bosses as authoritarian figures who must be obeyed in order to avoid negative consequences. These bosses usually have a very top-down style of leadership, seem to engage line employees less in strategic planning, and set the direction for the organizations they lead based on their own ideas and instincts. I've also experienced some of these bosses as seeming to be somewhat separate from the teams they lead.

In contrast to these, there are bosses who have a more bottom-up style and see themselves as serving the teams they lead, and are part of, by engaging them in planning how their team can best contribute to the goals of the organizations. These bosses find ways to understand the abilities, interests, and needs of their employees, and to utilize, and develop, these to achieve objectives. I think that employees are more likely to follow these bosses based on loyalty and shared interest.

My style of leadership is more closely aligned to the second type of sheepdog and it has mostly served me well as I’ve managed IT professionals. Most often, the subject matter experts in each area have a deeper understanding than I do of options to achieve our objectives that are practical and effective. By seeking their engagement, respecting their contributions, communicating functional requirements, and leading discussions of potential innovations, I’m confident we achieve better results together than if I were more of a top-down leader.

I imagine there are times when all bosses must rely on authority, command, and control and I’ve had to use this approach at times, too. In situations where I must discipline an employee, where I am directing resources to achieve objectives under deadline, or coaching as opposed to mentoring, I can be very specific in the direction I provide and the expectations I establish. This isn’t my preferred style, but I use it where appropriate. I expect that my more top-down colleagues use a bottom-up approach at times, too. Having both approaches available and seeking the right balance is probably wise.

What kind of boss are you, or what sort of boss do you imagine you would be? To what extent do your employees identify with you and choose to follow you because of your shared values and interests? How much do you think you’d need to rely on command, control and authority?

Metaphors like this one, where we separate things into one of two categories, can be useful in helping us look at significant distinctions in style or approach. They are also inherently limited as the systems an behaviors we confront are almost always much too complex to be simplified in this way. I'd be interested in hearing from you to learn where you think this metaphor proves useful and where it breaks down. I'm also glad I have some warm, hand-knit, sweaters as winter approaches!