"If you do not love me, I shall not be loved. If I do not love you, I shall not be loved." - Samuel Beckett

Today I will share some thoughts about love on a day that has everything to do with love for me. Our university is closed for the holidays, so this is not one of my last 100 Mondays and what I write today is entirely personal. I’ll keep myself to my usual 10-11 paragraphs and this is just as well. I could write far too many words about love and a few, well chosen, ones will share better what is in my heart.

On this day, many years ago now, my life began again when there was a knock at my door and love walked in. My best friend stood smiling there and her shining eyes were filled with love for me. It was as if the sun, long missing from my skies, shone down, at last, on fields I had been tilling in hopes that I might someday grow flowers again.

I was like a seed that had been waiting for the warmth of her smile to let me know it was safe again to sprout and grow. The love I had held in my heart for her was free to blossom unafraid. We took the risk of vulnerability together and fell in love. It has made all the difference for me.

Surrounded by her sweet, warm, steady love, I have grown to be a better man. More myself and more the man I want to be. She brought me home to a family I had been estranged from and the distance between us was gone. We made a family of our own and I am so grateful for our two sons, and for the men they have grown to be thanks to her loving care.

I believe there are beloved ones in our lives who we love completely. The love we have for them is beyond any notion of loving any one more or less than the others. While the way we share our love changes to honor the shape of the love we share with each of these, still we love them each completely. In my life, I have her to thank for all of my most beloved ones.

She gave my mother and I back to one another in time to share precious years together. She gave me back my dear sisters. She gave me two beloved sons when I thought my chances for a family were past. Thanks to her, I found two other precious friends who are as close to my heart as all these most beloved ones.

This day, so special to my chosen beloved and I, is also the birthday of one of these two precious friends, and his wife is the other one. There is no man in all the world who I can call friend in quite the same way. I have no brothers, but this wonderful man is more than a brother to me. His lovely wife is just as dear to us. There is no woman except my beloved wife who has been such a special friend to me.

Our friendships bring my darling wife and I such joy, and the four of us have shared so much. The sweetness in life, especially our adventures traveling together, and the joy of watching our families thrive and grow, is all the sweeter for being shared with them, and the trying times easier to bear. I am thinking of them today and wishing him a very happy birthday!

I am so very lucky to have my life, and my heart, filled to overflowing with love shared

with my beloveds. My family and precious friends. I am thankful beyond words to be married to my best friend.

My chosen beloved, I am so grateful that you walked through my door on this day and chose me. My life began again that day and, with you, it is easy to live in joy, peace, and love.

© 2016 James Michael. The text of this work is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0

“When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred.” - Thomas Jefferson

“When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.” - Mark Twain
Today, I share some thoughts about those situations at work where I’ve found myself working under pressure and how I’ve attempted to deal with them. I’ve found that opportunities to feel pressure, and stress, are almost constantly available in my work as an IT manager. How I react to these opportunities, to reduce the pressure and stress I feel, and to act effectively in the face of pressure, can make all the difference.

There have been plenty of stressors, and lots of pressure, in the environment I’ve experienced in my roles as a senior IT manager. Pressures to deliver the expected levels of service, reliability, and value with limited resources. Competing priorities advocated for by various powerful individuals or constituencies. Times where there has been pressure to deliver on IT initiatives conceived, and committed to, by executives without consulting with those of us in IT or properly considering the existing resources and commitments we’ve had in place. Times when I have been in conflict with someone in authority over what was right for our employees or those we serve.

The process of developing one of our IT strategic plans provides a good example of the kinds of challenges I’ve faced that created pressure for me and my colleagues. We had pursued an in-depth process to collaborate with colleagues throughout the university to identify initiatives that would use information technology to make the greatest difference for our academic mission. Having identified these, and built the draft plan recognizing that one of the key things we’d need to do together was to advocate for additional resources, or agree to limit certain expectations, a senior leader insisted that the guiding principles for the plan include “Implementation of the IT Strategic Plan will not require funding beyond what is currently available for technology infrastructure and applications.”

The process of developing the strategic plan had created expectations for that plan to promote student success, improved service and communication, professional development for faculty and staff, and other benefits. Many involved in that process clearly understood that we would need to consider the resources required to achieve these results. The inclusion of this new guiding principle placed our aspirations in direct conflict with a budget process that often functioned as a zero sum game. We worked together to realize the greatest benefit from the plan as adopted. Still, the pressure to deliver all the benefits described with no added resources, was a major challenge and I don’t believe we achieved as much as we might have.

The environmental pressure to act in a particular manner results in stress in the form of emotional and physiological responses. What I bring to the equation makes a big difference, and it’s not all good. I have a tendency to worry, to think introspectively about challenges in ways that are not always helpful, a desire to do excellent work and difficulty in accepting less than this from myself, a desire to avoid conflict, and struggles with saying no. Given all this, it’s been important for me to develop skills that help me respond to pressure with less stress.

Throughout my career as a manager, I’ve worked to improve my ability to delegate work that is more appropriately done by others, and sometimes this has meant learning to delegate “up” to my boss. I’ve worked to set effective priorities that help me defer the work that should wait so that I can focus where I can make the greatest difference. Where I can, I’ve learned to recognize work that I, and the teams I’ve lead, should not be doing, and to eliminate that work. I’ve improved my ability to communicate with colleagues and to advocate for more realistic priorities, budgets and expectations. After 15 years, I was very glad that my advocacy helped result in the hiring of the first CIO in the history of our university. The increased visibility and understanding of IT, and how the wise use of technology can deliver value for the university, that having an effective CIO on our president’s cabinet is making a real difference.

At a personal level, I’ve learned to make better use of meditation, exercise, prayer, and other techniques to help myself deal with the stress I experience, and to experience less stress when under pressure. I’ve made a point of taking time to relax and write to my loved ones at lunch, and to build professional partnerships that help me work with colleagues to respond to pressure with intelligent advocacy for the steps that will benefit our university most.

I have not been entirely successful in my efforts to deal with pressure, and the resulting stress and I’ve experienced consequences including health issues. As a result, my approach to stress and pressure has changed. I’ve increased my use of meditation, prayer, and mindful moments, and I’m more diligent in actually taking time for myself at lunch. I don’t bring very much work home any more, and I no longer work an average of 50-60 hours a week, or more. The fact that I am approaching retirement may make taking some of these steps easier for me than it would be for my younger colleagues, but I think anyone can make changes in the way they work to help them work more effectively, and stay well.

While the quotes I chose for this week’s essay speak to how we should deal with anger, I think they apply to pressure and stress, too. Just like dealing with anger, one of the key things I’ve learned about dealing with pressure and stress is that it is essential to take time when I first experience these feelings to regain my composure before acting. Acting without taking this time leads to much poorer decisions and other negative consequences. Taking just a moment to gather my thoughts, and really understand the situation, allows me to perform much more effectively. At the same time, I admit that I’m far from perfect and that my reaction to stress is sometimes better described by the quote from Twain than by the quote from Jefferson.

As I look back on my career, and the lessons I’ve learned, there are things I wish I had learned to do differently sooner. I’ve always struggled with delegating effectively and making more progress in doing that well would have benefitted me. I wish I had learned earlier to engage senior executives more effectively in a partnerships that allow us to realize greater value from IT together. Most of all, I wish I had learned sooner to care for myself, and my health, in the face of pressure and stress. I’m glad my medical issues got me to make changes in my lifestyle, and style of work, before I suffered worse consequences. I’m glad to be looking forward to my retirement in good health and wish my colleagues success in learning to deal effectively with pressure and stress earlier in their careers.

"When you truly sing, you sing yourself free. When you truly dance, you dance yourself free. When you walk in the mountains or swim in the sea, again, you set yourself free.” - Jay Woodman

Today, I am thinking about freedom and what it really means to me. I find myself thinking about my personal freedom, our collective freedom and the rights we declare to help define and protect it, and the responsibilities that come with freedom for me.

One common definition of freedom is “the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.” I would change this definition to read “without external hindrance or restraint.” I could consider myself completely free by doing whatever I want and acting on every thought and feeling just as I pleased. In fact, I don’t act on my freedom this way. For me, the greatest freedom is a matter of choosing to do what is right with love. For me this requires thoughtful reflection, emotional awareness, and self-restraint. I can choose to act in ways that aren't my first impulse out of consideration for those I love, a goal I am pursuing, the well being of others, or values I hold sacred. This applies in my personal life and in my actions in the broader community.

I look around me and I know that the vast majority of people exercise their freedom just as I do. Sill, I have met people in my life who feel strongly that the are not fully free because they cannot act just as they please, and who blame others for hindering and restraining them. It seems to me that these people are misplacing the responsibility for their freedom of choice and action. There are things I wish I could do, thoughts and feelings I wish I could express, and act on, more fully. I choose not to act on these because I believe my doing so would be wrong. I’ve concluded that expressing and acting on these thoughts and feelings would be harmful to those I love, unjust to someone, or inconsistent with my values and what I believe is right.

There are also actions I take, or views I express, knowing that they will be unpopular, controversial, or challenging in some way. I act having decided that the value, or importance, of acting justifies the consequences. I take responsibility for my freedom of choice and for the consequences of my actions, and of my inaction. As a result, I believe I am happier than those who unjustly assign this responsibility to others and blame them for limiting their freedom.

As I think of our collective freedom, secured and maintained through the efforts of others over hundreds of years in this country, and over thousands of years of human history, I remember again the words of Abraham Lincoln in a letter to Henry L. Pierce and others in 1859. He wrote, "Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves.” From Jefferson’s words in the Declaration of Independence that we are all endowed with unalienable Rights including, “Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”, to the first amendment’s protection of freedom of religion, speech, the press, peaceable assembly, and the right to petition the Government for a redress of grievances, our nation is founded on the notion of equal rights and freedom for all.

Franklin D. Roosevelt further identified essential human rights that should be universally protected in his Four Freedoms State of the Union address and these, Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Worship, Freedom from Want, and Freedom from Fear, were beautifully portrayed in paintings by Norman Rockwell. This theme of essential human rights was incorporated into the Atlantic Charter, and became part of the charter of the United Nations where the preamble includes “to reaffirm faith in fundamental human rights, in the dignity and worth of the human person, in the equal rights of men and women and of nations large and small” and “to promote social progress and better standards of life in larger freedom.”

On December 10, 1948, the UN adopted The Universal Declaration of Human Rights which includes in its preamble, “recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world”, and, in Article I, “All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.”

Seen against the background of the discrimination faced by women, blacks, hispanics, Japanese Americans, people with disabilities, LGBTQ people and others during Roosevelt’s time, the Four Freedoms defined 76 years ago next month, and other declarations of human rights, were clearly hopeful statements of our aspirations. In the more than 60 years since the UN Declaration of Human Rights, we have made real progress. We have much more work to do eliminate discrimination, and to ensure equality and equity for all people.

Women and children are far from enjoying equal rights and freedom. The work of UN-Women, the United Nations Entity for Gender Equality and the Empowerment of Women which continues to work to advance gender equality, and the adoption of the the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child are valuable efforts to advance the cause of equal rights for women and children. The work of organizations like the Carter Center and others help advance this cause every day.

Can I ever be completely free, and able to act to advance my own goals, dreams and values, while others have less opportunity for freedom than I do? As long as women, children, and others who are perceived as different in some way, and who are treated by some as “less than” or wrong because of their differences, are discriminated against and offered less opportunity I don’t see how any of us can fully enjoy our rights and freedom.

The Universal Declaration of Human Rights states in Article 29, “Everyone has duties to the community in which alone the free and full development of his personality is possible.” So I choose to act on my duty by working to help eliminate inequality, and to secure equal rights and opportunities for all people. My small efforts may make only a small difference and I doubt I will live to see truly equal, and equitable, freedom for all. Still, anything I can do to advance this goal while I live will be a good use of my time, energy, and freedom.

I know that I fail every day in my efforts to always do what is right with love. Sometimes my actions are unloving, or wrong. I sometimes choose not to act out of fear, uncertainty, or even when inaction is convenient for me. Yet, I continue to do my best each day and to look for ways to grow stronger in my commitment and in my actions. As Mahatma Gandhi wrote, “It's the action, not the fruit of the action, that's important. You have to do the right thing. It may not be in your power, may not be in your time, that there'll be any fruit. But that doesn't mean you stop doing the right thing. You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result.”

"The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.” - Joseph Campbell

Today, I find myself reflecting on what I’ve learned during my career about how our personality types and traits influence the way we do our work, and how work together. I’m thinking about how taking these into account helps us build stronger teams by ensuring we have diverse strengths and skills represented. I’m also thinking about how I have learned to play the roles I do in the workplace, and other settings, and especially those that have required me to learn to work “against type”, or against my basic temperament.

I’ve had experience using the results from a number of different personality and temperament assessment tools to help understand what different people bring to building a strong team, and strong relationships, by recognizing and respecting the different strengths we each have. I’ve worked with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®), Effectiveness Institute Behavior Style profile®, Herrmann Brain Dominance Instrument® (HBDI®), DiSC®,True Colors®, the Keirsey Temperament Sorter®-II (KTS®-II), and others. While each of these valuable tools brings a slightly different perspective to assessing and describing temperament and personality, they all have value in helping us see how very different temperaments and personalities can be exceptionally complementary and how diversity can equate to strength, agility, and innovation.

I’ve always had an interest in how people can work, and live, together in harmony by sharing their different perspectives and strengths. From an early interest in being a minister, to a desire to see different denominations and faiths emphasize what they have in common more than their differences, to my undergraduate studies in psychology with a goal to becoming a clinical psychologist, this desire to help people come together has been a thread running through my life. While I ran out of money to pursue an advanced degree, and thankfully found a good career in IT, I’ve continued to pursue this interest in my work as a manager and leader. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if it had occurred to me to take out a student loan!

Over the years, I’ve come to understand how very helpful it can be for members of a team to understand each other’s different strengths, styles, and preferences. When we recognize which of us bring stronger analytical skills, a preference for action versus deliberation, the ability to engage and persuade others, or a greater ability to understand how others feel about and experience change, we can benefit more from these strengths, styles and preferences. This understanding can also help us learn how to work together more effectively by learning how we can best work with those whose styles are different from our own. I’ve also found it very helpful to gain a better understanding of the differences between temperament, a person's underlying nature, and the behaviors they’ve learned to help them be effective in the workplace.

We can learn to work “against type” and to develop strength in areas that don’t come as naturally to us. Understanding our own strengths, and those of others with different styles and temperaments, can help us recognize opportunities for this kind of growth. In my own experience, I learned from an early age how to be more outgoing. My mother helped me learn this while still valuing the quiet, gentle, little boy who tended to enjoy reading inside and playing by himself. Recently, I’ve been reading Susan Cain’s book “Quiet”, and I’ve learned that this push to help children be more outgoing and extroverted was widely encouraged in the US in the 1950s. My mother’s talking with me about this, and giving me books written for children about how to meet friends and make conversation, may have been influenced by that climate of seeking “A health personality for every child.”

I want to be clear that I feel everything my mother did was motivated by love and that I have benefited from what she taught me. Still, I've always known that this ability to talk with just about anyone was something I learned to do as opposed to something that just came naturally. I’ve become so accustomed to working at being outgoing that, sometimes, it’s only by noticing that I’m feeling awkward or tired that I realize it’s something I am working hard to do. Working “against type” usually requires a significant investment of energy for me, as it does for most people, but there have been situations where this has been absolutely necessary, and sometimes very beneficial, in my career. When I am called on, as a manager, to give direction and set priorities, and especially when I must discipline an employee, I am working hard against type and it tires me out. I am at my best, and most at ease as a leader, when I can work as an advocate for the needs of the people I am leading because that comes naturally for me.

Understanding the differences in our styles, temperaments, strengths, and preferences has been invaluable to me in my work with others. It was this understanding that helped me learn how to work more effectively with executives who had a natural ability to make decisions and exercise control over an organization. These leaders needed me to bring them concise, actionable, alternatives based on data so that they could exercise their ability to choose the best course of action. By learning that the more analytical members of our teams placed very great value on the accuracy of their results, I was able to see why they needed the time to do their work thoroughly and well, and that it could help for me to clearly constrain the results I needed to help them do this in less time. Recognizing which members of the team were naturally outgoing and enthusiastic, and which were strong by being quiet and thoughtful, helped me honor and support each of these styles as we did our work together.

As I’ve used the various tools to understand my own temperament and behavior, I’ve learned a lot about myself, and also about these tools. For instance, I’ve been told that some, like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® can tend to measure your personality within a given setting. For me this test, taken in the work environment where I felt most comfortable engaging with others and believed most strongly in the shared goals and values of our organization, my volunteer work with the SHARE Board of Directors, resulted in a type of ENFP. A type characterised by extroverted, intuitive, feeling, and perceiving behaviors.

I took a similar test, the Keirsey Temperament Sorter®-II, as they suggest, from the perspective of what feels real for me and not trying to give answers that I think would sound like how I should behave in any particular situation. The result was that I was classified as an INFJ. A type characterized by introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging behaviors. Ultimately, after some reflection, I’m not surprised by this result. When I took the quick diagnostic quiz in “Quiet” I also scored as an introvert. I realize that my choices when left to my own devices reflect my comfort with the inner world of thoughts and feelings.

So, these different tools can reveal different things about us, and some results can differ depending on how we take them. It can be helpful to understand how to make good use of this information. For instance, a man I have great respect for, who has worked to develop one of the assessments I’ve used, talked about the difference between who we are versus how we “show up” to others in the workplace. Throughout most of my career, I have identified as an extrovert, and in the workplace I play this role well. With my most trusted loved ones I still tend toward gregarious, outgoing, behavior. I am very open about my feelings of love for these special ones and, with them, I can also be my quiet self and I’ve been re-learning that this is ok.

Our differences present opportunities for us to be more together than we can be alone. My wonderful partner has a significantly different personality from my own and this is one of the things that makes our relationship, and the life we share, so rewarding. One of my best friends and I both took the Myers-Briggs test together and discovered that our types were just about opposite from each other. I’ve come to learn over the years of our friendship just how strong this can make us, and how delightful it can be, as we work, and play, together. Another precious friend has helped show me the special beauty of quiet time in a way that is helping my rediscover that quiet little boy, and who he has grown up to be within the man I have become. This is a wonderful, comforting, gift that I am just beginning to unwrap and explore. Far beyond the world of work, our differences make the lives we share together so much richer. I am grateful for each of my loved ones and for their uniquely beautiful selves.

My darling wife tells me she’s not very surprised that I may actually be more of an introvert than I’d realized. As I look forward, she tells me that it seems clear than many of the things I most want to do in retirement seem more individual and solitary. Carl Jung wrote that introverts are drawn to the inner world of thought and feeling, and extroverts to the external life of people and activities. I guess my sense that I might essentially be an introvert who has learned to play extrovert very well may prove true. Among the insights in the report I received from the Keirsey test I took are that “you may find great personal fulfillment interacting with others to nurture their personal development” and “you also seem to do quite well connecting with both individuals and groups so long as your interactions together aren't superficial”. Perhaps in retirement, I’ll find opportunities to work to these strengths. I do seem to talk an awful lot for an introvert!

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” - Marcel Proust

Today I and grateful for the opportunity to give thanks and to reflect on all the many blessings in my life. Yesterday, we returned home after spending the past several days celebrating Thanksgiving with our family near home here in the Sierra Nevada, and a bit farther away in the Bay Area. Oh, how grateful I am for this time with family! Last month our loved ones in Canada celebrated Thanksgiving there and I am glad to share a season of thanksgiving that lasts for weeks and helps me make gratitude part of my daily life.

I am thankful for our loved ones. For my darling wife who is such a wonderful partner in every aspect of the lives we share. For our two fine sons who have grown to be kind and caring men. For all our family and the love we share. I am thankful that ours is a close family both when we are all near at hand, and at those times when we must be far apart. In the past few days, we’ve shared food and laughter, talk and quiet joy with almost all of our immediate family. Soon my dear younger sister and her husband will be back in California after some years abroad, and I know we will all gather together again to celebrate their return.

I am thankful that our loved ones include family members who are among our closest friends, and precious friends who have become family for us. I find the greatest joy, comfort, and fulfillment in my life when I am with these special ones. Even when we are far apart, the thought of them, and memories of all we’ve shared, fill my heart to overflowing with sweet warm love. Sharing our joy together as our families grow, sharing our strength when times are hard, sharing adventures, and quiet times at home helps make my life rich and meaningful. I am grateful for the way we grow closer to our loved ones as the years go by.

I am thankful for all the friends whose generous presence helps bring so much wonderful variety to the act of living. The way that our lives overlap in common interests and values. The places where their delightful differences expand my world with new thoughts, feelings, experiences, and expressions. The chance to care and be cared for. The simple comfort in the voice, smile, presence of a friend.

I am thankful for creativity. For the chance to make music and art, and to experience the artistry of the singers, dancers, makers, and writers. For the process of creation shared and also experienced as a private journey. For the weaving not only of fabric, fiber, and sticks, but of voices, ideas, and feelings. For the artistry of all the ages carefully preserved, and the bright surprise in the flash of new creation.

I am thankful for the opportunity to work and to make a difference. For the people of good character who share our work and those who benefit from it and go on to change the world. I cannot find words good enough to express my thanks for all that work has provided for our family.  I am so grateful that we have go leor, in Irish these words mean “enough”, and humbled that so often we have been blessed with so much more until go leor becomes the abundance of galore.

With my own love of words, I am grateful for language. For books, and the way the carry the thoughts and feelings of those who’ve come before as well as new ones waiting to be explored. For the voices of those with whom I share this time. They comfort me when I am lonely or afraid, and make my gladness greater in the sharing. I am grateful, too, for the quiet times when we can rest and be together. For thoughts and feelings shared in a look, or the gentle touch of a loved one’s hand. I am so thankful that we will share all the time we still have stretching out before us.

I am thankful for compassion and patience. For the chance to show and share it with others, and always to learn more how about how I can best be compassionate and patient. For the precious gift of others compassion for and patience with me. When times are hard, I know there are many loved ones, friends and colleagues who have my back

Most of all, I am thankful for love. Of all the blessings in my life this one, greatest and most fundamental, embraces them all and gives them their sweetness, strength, and meaning. I am one tiny flower on a tree whose roots stretch back through time unmeasured, and whose branches reach out toward eternity. One tiny star gleaming in an endless fabric of wonder. I know, and more than knowing I have faith, that love goes on forever, transcending space and time. That, in love, we are one always and everywhere.

"It is a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you are ready. I have the feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any." - Hugh Laurie

One of the topics my colleagues approach me most often for help with is time management. This isn’t surprising to me as I see how busy they all are, and how many competing demands for their time they face. While I always do my best to help them with ideas for improving their time management skills, I also always acknowledge that this has always been a challenge for me, too!

I’ve written some about this topic in the past and today I will focus entirely on time management and  priority setting. I appreciate the opportunities those who work for, and with, me have given me to think about this topic as we work to improve our skills. I especially appreciate the time I have spent with my protegees in our university’s mentoring program over the past four years talking about time management. It seems likely we will always benefit from finding more effective ways to manage our precious time.

For me, time management and priority setting are inextricably linked. In managing my time, I am always working to make more time available for the most important activities by finding ways to spend less time on things that are less important. There are many well-received approaches to meeting this challenge, including David Allen’s GTD (Getting Things Done) system, Stephanie Winston’s TRAF (Toss, Refer, Act, File) method, and the 4-Ds (Delete, Do, Delegate, Defer) approach that is related to a popular decision matrix that classifies tasks based on their urgency and importance.

Many of these systems, and other approaches, share some common ideas. They all encourage us to delegate work that is better done by others, to act immediately on tasks that will not require significant time, and to recognize that some tasks do not deserve our time and attention. They also recognize that some work should be deferred to later, and provide guidance to help us get organized in how we manage that work. Some also provide ideas for how file the information we receive that is not actionable. They all recognize the importance of understanding the difference between urgency and importance represented by diagrams like this one.

Another interesting approach to time management is one called personal kanban. This method is based on the Japanese manufacturing system pioneered by Toyota in the late 1940s. Personal kanban focuses on one aspect of this approach and uses the idea of a “kanban board” with three zones. Work “to do”, work “in progress”, and work that is “done”. This approach also borrows the idea of using a “queue limiter”, that some also refer to as a “kanban number” to define the number of tasks can be in progress at any given time. The essential ideas here are that each person has their own number of simultaneous tasks they can work on, and that any time a task can no longer be worked on effectively it should be moved back to the “to do” queue and replaced with another task that is ready to do.

The key with all these systems is to recognize the best way to deal with each task or demand we are presented with throughout the day. I’ve also found it very helpful to check in with myself to verify that I am spending my time in the most appropriate way. It’s not uncommon for me to find that I’ve drifted into doing things that seem urgent, but aren’t that important. It’s also vital to honor the time I schedule for the important, but not urgent, work of building relationships, maintaining my health, thinking through strategic or meaningful issues, and similar work.

As I’ve worked with others on time management, I usually start by talking with them about the challenges they are facing with time management and options for meeting those challenges. I often hear about the competing demands of multiple projects and priorities, and balancing the needs of different people including the boss, key stakeholders, and our students. We almost always discuss the challenge of finding a good balance between the demands of work and the time we want to devote to our loved ones and life goals. I’ve found that knowing what you consider important is vital to good time management.

I share some of the ideas I’ve written about above and assign homework to my colleague asking them to look at some of these systems, and other resources, to see which seem to fit best with their own approach to work. I’ve also found it useful in some cases to arrange, or even facilitate, some discussions with others about time management techniques that work for them.

Once they have chosen some tools to use, we work to help them adopt these tools, monitor their effectiveness, and talk through the inevitable challenges that crop up. I’ve also found that coming to grips with the idea of what is important, versus simply urgent, usually helps people have more effective conversations with those they serve, or share their lives with, about setting priorities and managing their time to achieve common goals.

In my experience, the process of working to improve how we manage our time to make the greatest difference is never ending. There is always more we could do than we have time to do, and our understanding of what is truly important evolves over time. Ultimately, I’ve found that the goal of effective time management is entirely consistent with my desire to make a difference and to do what is right with love. I’ll always be seeking the best choices, and I know that retirement will bring me brand new opportunities to make the most of my time. I’m going to make sure to include lots of time for my loved ones, time in nature, and quiet moments with my own thoughts and feelings.

"Love is not a being-for-itself quality but a quality by which or in which you are for others." - Søren Kierkegaard, "Works of Love", 1847

Today, I have some thoughts to share about a theme that keeps recurring in these reflections. Doing what is right, with love. Two women I love and respect have shared thoughts recently that helped keep clear to me important things I must remember today. Each of them emphasizes aspects of this simple, and powerful, approach to life, and the choices I must make. Parts that come together to make a greater whole.

One of the women I love wrote, “I have studied history for the better part of my life. I have become a scholar in some areas and have developed casual interests in others. What I have learned from my studies is that there are always two sides to every story. There have been stories of evil, malice, and contempt as well as love, compassion, and morality on both sides of each historical event. History was made the other day. Historians, teachers, and students will look back on that day as a profound shift in American history. All I ask while we are living through these times, no matter what side of history you are on make sure you are an example of love, compassion, and morality.” I take her words to mean that, whatever actions I choose, I must act with love, compassion, and morality.

Another woman I love has said to me, “Being an example of love, compassion, and morality is not enough. Clearly, we are going to have to stand up and fight for it.” I take her words to mean that all the love, compassion, and morality in the world can come to nothing without action.

I know beyond question that both of these women are right, and I hope I have a good understanding of what they are saying. I believe that they would agree with each other about the underlying truth they are both expressing in different ways. I believe they are both calling me to live my commitment to doing what is right with love. I see no conflict between fighting for what is right and acting with love, compassion and morality, and I don’t believe they do either. In fact, I think it could be that there is no way to do the one without doing the other.

When a mother stands up for her children, fighting for them and protecting them with her whole being, or when a father does, I am certain they are acting in love. When we stand up for those who are marginalized because they are in the minority, and are being treated as the “other”, when we fight for equality and equity for them, I am certain we are acting with compassion. When we seek right action in our fighting for a better world for our children and grandchildren, our families, our neighbors, and people we barely know, or may never meet, I am certain our search to do what is right is an exercise in morality.

I absolutely believe that we will only make the world better by standing up for what is right. By working for it. By fighting for it when we must. I believe we must confront injustice and inequality wherever they exist, and that the responsibility to confront them is an obligation we must accept and commit to if we expect to be loving, compassionate and moral human beings. This is an obligation that transcends all other categorizations, classifications, and allegiances.

How we confront these challenges will change over time, depending on our ability to act, the opportunity we have to influence change, our own level of commitment and courage, and the risks we are willing to take. Our awareness, and understanding, of the issues we face will impact our willingness to act, and our ability to identify, and take, right action, and so we have a responsibility to raise our awareness and educated ourselves. We are, each of us, far from perfect and we can always learn from our experience and the experiences of others.

Our society is far from perfect. There are many among us who have reason to fear. They fear that they will be discriminated against, face violence, see their children’s futures diminished, and suffer other wrongs because they are seen, and treated as the “other”. They fear for their economic security, their access to health care, their future. They fear when faced with inequality and inequity. And they stand up and face their fear as the act to seek an equal, and equitable, share of the freedom and opportunity we are so proud our nation, at its best, can represent. As women in a society where men are privileged. As people of color in a society where white people are privileged. As poor people in a society where rich people are privileged. As immigrants, Muslims, refugees, disabled people, LGBTQ people, and others who have reason to feel marginalized and treated as “other” and “less than”.

I like the way U2 calls us to action in their song “Invisible” where they sing, “There is no them, there's only us.” If only it could feel this way to so many who know for sure there that “they” are powerful, privileged, and threatening. If only it could feel this way to those who treat others who appear different as though they are not part of “us”. How I long for a world where this aspiration becomes reality.

I know that, as an old white man, I must look like “them” to some of the young women and others on campus who see mine as the face of privilege. In some way I suppose it is. While I choose to do my best daily to do what is right with love by acting to support increasing equality and equity for all, still I am a person who has had advantages because I am white, and because I am male. I am not one of the “angry old white men” who would fight to keep these privileges and deny equality to others. Because I am not, I feel I must work, and act in love, even more to use my privileged position for good.

There are people I love and respect who sometimes find my belief in a loving approach too soft,  and who doubt my chances of making effective change this way. I understand this but respectfully disagree. I believe that beginning from a position of love as I choose my actions is essential. That standing up, and even fighting, for what is right with love will always be more powerful than acting without love.

We will not always agree on what is right, moral, compassionate, or even loving. Each of us must make our own choices about where we stand and how we will act on our beliefs. Still, any position, action, or choice that would lead us to treat others as “less than” instead of “equal to” does not seem right to me. We are different from one another. Diverse in our fundamental humanity and equality. This is one of our greatest strengths. Loving is not enough, yet love is essential. Acting is not enough, yet action is essential. For me, the answer is to do my best, always, to do what is right, with love.

"Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.” - Henry Van Dyke

Today, I’m thinking about some things that have made me feel happy and grateful about the work I’ve done in my career. These thoughts seem to focus most on the way my work has allowed our family to have the life we have, on my gratitude to have worked with good people, and on the opportunity work has given me to make a difference. I’m also very grateful for the things I’ve learned about how we can work together to make a difference in the world around us.

My deepest gratitude is for the chance to do useful work that has allow our family to have such a good life. We have all we need, and more besides. We can take time to travel and relax. We’ve been able to help our sons get a good start in life, and we enjoy close relationships with family and friends. We live in a beautiful place and we are healthy and happy.

I’m so happy to have a wonderful partner to share the work of caring for our family. She is the best part of my luck and I know her loving guidance, and their own fine characters, are the most important reason our sons have grown to be fine, caring, men. I so admire the work she has done to make a difference for children, as a teacher, and a volunteer for the National Park Service, and appreciate the opportunity I’ve had to support her in that work. Most of all, I am grateful to be so very happy with my darling Sue. Together, we’ve made a wonderful life.

I’m grateful for the people I’ve worked with in county government, in banking, higher education, and as a volunteer at SHARE. I’ve been fortunate to work with so many hard-working, intelligent people of good character who really care about how our work helps others. In each of these spheres, the way the work matters is different, but in the end doing our work well and for the right reasons allowed us to make a difference for those we served, and for each other. In the process, I’ve found some great friends, and my wife and I have made some special friendships that will last a lifetime.

I’m also very grateful for the the people I’ve worked for in my career. With very few exceptions, they’ve taught me, challenged me, and helped me grow. They’ve supported and advocated for the work we needed to do together and helped me learn to do the same for those who’ve worked for me. They have taught me so much and I've strived to honor their example.

I’m especially grateful, and happy, to have had the opportunity to serve the people we’ve really worked for, and for how we’ve worked to make a difference. At the county, we served the citizens in myriad different ways by helping deliver the services they needed. In banking, we worked to help people save and invest for their futures, and to keep their money safe and ready to work for them. Most satisfying of all, was the work we’ve done for the students at our university. Watching them grow and move on to pursue their lives is one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve had in my career.

Making a difference matters even when we won’t really know exactly how our work has helped others. As I walked through the halls of one of our science buildings earlier this fall, and across campus back to my office, I was struck again by an awareness of our students and the potential they represent. I walked past their smiling, worried, sometimes preoccupied faces and made eye contact when I could to share a smile. I found myself wondering what their futures will bring and what difference each will make in my lifetime and beyond.

I realized that I was looking at people who might help cure cancer, help save our planet, bring new creative expressions to life, and help us understand one another better. I also saw them as individuals with their own strengths and weaknesses, confidence and insecurity, hope, fear, and love. I wish them well and I’d have them know that they gave me hope on that sunny day and that I am proud of them and what they do at our university.

I’m happy to have learned some wonderful things in my career about working with others. Thanks to the opportunities I’ve had, I’ve learned so much about collaborating together to allow us each to apply our skills, experience and creativity. I’ve learned about leading and serving others. I’ve learned that the opportunity to make a difference is a great gift.

Perhaps one of the things I am most grateful for that my career has helped me earn is time. While I’ve worked, this has been time on weekends, holidays, and vacations. As I retire, my work will have earned me a new kind of time. Choosing how I spend this time will be one of my greatest opportunities in retirement. I will be grateful always for the gift of time for family, and for friends. Time to travel, and walk in nature. Time to think, and to visit, and to sit quietly with my loved ones. Time to laugh, and love, and live. I have so much to be grateful for.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead

 Today, I am thinking about the recent announcement by the city of Fresno that they have released a request for qualifications to “solicit interest in building a citywide ultrahigh speed fiber/wireless network”. Reading this announcement helped highlight for me how things can take a long time to come to fruition, that we may have to be patient to see the results of our efforts, or even have faith that they will make a difference in ways we will never see.

I’m excited about the potential for this new effort to help us by fostering the creation of better jobs and careers for people in our region, and to improve other aspects of life for those living in California’s Central Valley. I am also interested in how we can make these benefits available to those who are currently under-served within the city and extend better communications networks, and the benefits they can support, to people and communities throughout the region.

I hope the current effort will be a great success. We tried to accomplish something similar more than ten years ago, but the time was not yet right. I remember working with Fresno Mayor Ashley Swearingen, who was then leading the Fresno State Office of Community and Economic Development, on the Fresno Collaborative Regional Initiative (CRI) fifteen years ago when one of our goals was a similar enhancement in local network capabilities.

The president of Fresno State at that time, John Welty, helped bring us all together at Wuksachi in Sequoia National Park in September 2001 to envision a brighter future for the Central Valley and to begin the gap analysis that would allow us to define plans to achieve that vision. One of the five task forces we formed focused on technology infrastructure. The rationale for that group was:

"Without a first class telecommunications infrastructure, our community cannot succeed in the global economy. New and developing technology offers us an opportunity to level old barriers to prosperity—geography, language, time and educational attainment."

I was glad to have the opportunity to serve on, and chair, the Technology Infrastructure task force and a similar effort with the Fresno Regional Jobs Initiative (RJI) that grew out of the CRI. By 2005, the work of these task forces lead to our Central California Broadband (CCB) Project Team releasing of a Request for Proposal for the Fresno-Clovis Metropolitan Area Network (MAN) Project. At that time, we worked to secure support and collaboration from incumbent providers including SBC and Comcast but we were not entirely successful.

Ultimately, we were unable to move forward with the grand vision to deliver enhanced network services for our region, but I believe the collaboration between local governments, educational institutions, and private sector partners helped the region move our technology infrastructure forward in a number of other ways. Perhaps that work has helped pave the way for the effort announced earlier this month.

In our earlier work, we had hoped that improved network services would allow for innovations in education, medical care, community engagement, and communication. In announcing their RFQ, the City of Fresno sees these services  “lowering business costs, attracting and retaining highly skilled residents, and creating sustainable new jobs in an entrepreneurial economy based on innovation and creativity.” They also believe that the enhanced network will” “expand opportunities for local students in K–12 and beyond, and enable more open government and civic engagement.”

I hope we can achieve these benefits. I've often wondered what we could have done as a city and region had we succeeded in our earlier efforts to improve our technology infrastructure. I do hope this current effort succeeds and helps drive innovation and prosperity for our region. I’ll be very interested to see how the incumbent providers respond and how their responses differ from those we received in 2005.

I’ve learned that, while it can take a long time for our efforts to bear fruit, it’s worth the effort to try. Even when we do not succeed in our stated goals, the commitment to doing what is right, with love, changes the way we interact with others in our community and can allow for other kinds of progress. I remember being asked to chair the task force, wanting to accept, and pausing to consider whether I’d have support from the university to do this work. Dr. Welty was sitting next to me and said, “Are you hesitating? The answer is yes!” With his clear support, I gladly accepted the role. His words have come back to me often throughout my career and I’ve never regretted agreeing to work for positive change. The effort has always been worth it, and you never know when the time might be right to change the world. May the time be right for this new effort today!