“Our strength is often composed of the weakness that we're damned if we're going to show." - Mignon McLaughlin

This week, we were very happy to have a surprise visit from our goddaughter who is visiting from Australia after completing field research in Vietnam for her doctorate in primatology. She is so very dear to us and it was a high point of this month to get to spend an evening with her. She was always a very bright and curious child and has grown to be a highly intelligent, curious, and compassionate adult. Every memory I have of her includes our sharing wonderful conversations about a wide range of intellectually and ethically challenging topics. Happily, this most recent visit was no exception.

It was fascinating to hear about her work observing a highly endangered primate species and the challenges and rewards of that experience. Living for a year in a culture where she was treated very much as an unusual outsider, dealing with the heat and humidity of the jungle environment, and learning that there was a name for the pain she developed from long hours peering through binoculars into the treetops where her subjects live were a few of the many topics we discussed. In case you are curious, the researchers call that last condition “monkey neck”.

The topic that inspired my reflections today is impostor syndrome. In the course of her research, our goddaughter came to realize that she suffers from this condition and then learned that it is very common among the other graduate students, and many of the PhD researchers as well. I shared with her that I’ve dealt with this throughout my professional career and we had a really good conversation about what it’s like to experience these feelings and some of the things we do to cope with them.

I first learned of this syndrome many years ago when I was talking with a friend who is one of our faculty. I described my feeling as though I was always faking it and that if people ever realized how often I was figuring things out on the spot, they’d reject me as fraud. She said, “Oh! That’s call impostiture. You’re not alone!” We talked more and and I learned that this is most common among high-achieving people and that my diligence and working hard to prove myself was a common response. Most helpful of all was the realization that I was not the only person dealing with feelings like these. I am still good friends with this, now retired, professor and still grateful for having bumped into her walking across campus that day.

If you find yourself doubting your accomplishments, feeling like a fraud and like you don’t truly deserve the success you’ve achieved, you’re not alone, either. Maya Angelou once said, “I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’ ” Impostor Syndrome was first described in the 1970s by clinical psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes and is very common. Research in the ‘80s found that 70% of people feel like impostors at one time of another and that 40% of successful people have this feeling that they are frauds. It is not considered a disorder. Rather it is an area of research and used informally to describe people who have difficulty internalizing and accepting their accomplishments despite objective evidence of their success.

My own experience with these feelings is typical based on what I have read. I often feel that I am somehow fooling others into believing that I am more competent than I believe I am, and that my successes are the result of good fortune and fortunate timing rather than my own ability. I am also uncomfortable expressing confidence in my abilities or accepting compliments about my achievements. Instead, I will respond in ways that discount my contributions to avoid being “found out” and rejected.

I feel a great pressure not to fail, and be exposed as incompetent, and I fear success because being successful could call more attention to me and make it more likely that I will be exposed as a phony. These feelings are starkly at odds with my great need to be loved, and for reassurance. The tendency in our culture to equate success with worthiness adds to this conflict. My strong belief that love is the most important connection we share, and that true love is unconditional and not tied to success or any other external factor, has been important to my maintaining my self esteem in the face of these feelings.

If you deal with feelings like those associated with Impostor Syndrome, there are some things you can do to help deal with them. Talk with others you trust to help understand that you are not alone and to get a reality check. Work on becoming aware of when you are having thoughts and feelings that question your intelligence and competence, and on gently examining these. Looking at your abilities and accomplishments more objectively can help you develop a more balanced internal dialog. Look at the messages you give yourself and how you might change these. Instead of telling myself that I am making things up as I go, I work on remembering that I have the ability to draw on my years of experience to identify good solutions.

It can be very helpful to remind yourself that no one is perfect and that expecting perfection isn’t very fair. I find that thinking about how I would treat a dear friend or loved one, and what I would expect of them, and then comparing that to how I am treating myself, helps me avoid treating myself unfairly. I often comment to my friends, loved ones, and colleagues about their strengths and fine qualities. It can be very helpful to take a moment to consciously remember what I do well, too. I am also working on responding to compliments with a simple, “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

There are good resources that may help if you deal with Impostor Syndrome like I do. The counselling center at CalTech provides a good overview of Impostor Syndrome and support for students who deal with these feelings. https://counseling.caltech.edu/general/InfoandResources/Impostor I found an article in the November 2013 issue of gradPSYCH magazine from The American Psychological Association helpful. http://www.apa.org/gradpsych/2013/11/fraud.aspx I’ve also benefited from working with a therapist to deal with a number of issues including this one. It’s worthwhile considering that you have the option of talking to someone who can help.

It’s also worth noting that if you are concerned about your performance, most likely it is good or better. The research in this area finds that those who question their performance are very likely to underestimate their abilities while those who are highly confident in their abilities often overestimate their performance. Even Albert Einstein struggled with feelings like these at times. A month before his death, he confided in a friend that “the exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.”

In this, as in many other challenges in life, I’d encourage you to be gentle with yourself. I will be working to do the same.

“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” - Helen Keller

Today is Election Day in Canada and as our friends and loved ones there go to the polls, I hope they will succeed in electing a new government that can help restore the many special and admirable things that nation has done and represented in our world. Canada is a wonderful place that can be even more wonderful, and the Canadians I know are great people. I’d also like to say that I admire and appreciate my Canadian friends who have been volunteering their time for candidates who represent their values!

Thinking about elections and the important issues they ask us to consider, I find myself reflecting on a significant social, and political, challenge that especially matters to me. Equality, in general, is central to my own values, and equality for women is particularly important to me. As long as approximately half of the people on our planet do not have an equal opportunity for safety, well being, economic advancement, self-actualization, and respect, we will be preserving injustice,and we will not achieve what we are capable of together.

The data on the continuing under representation of women in positions of power is one evidence of this problem. Whether we are looking at the demographics of our governments, of key organizations like the United Nations, or of those holding positions of power in business, the evidence is clear. Less than 15% of the top five leadership positions at companies in the S&P 500 are held by women, and there are only 24 female CEOs at these firms. Among the Fortune 500, only 5.2% of CEOs are women and only 5.4% for the Fortune 1000.

Less than 22% of the permanent representatives and observers to the United Nations General Assembly are women. Even though last January marked a record number of women in the U.S. House of Representatives and Senate, the 84 female representatives make up only 19% of the House and the 20 female senators make up only 20% of the Senate. While there are approximately equal percentages of men and women in the U.S., and women account for about half of the U.S. labor force (47% in November 2014), they are badly underrepresented in positions with the greatest power and influence. It’s also interesting to note that research from 2011 showed that Fortune 500 companies with high representation of women board members significantly outperformed those with no female directors.

As of 2014, women working full time in the U.S. typically earned 79 percent of what men were paid. Women also make up only 36% of those working in computing and less than 25% of other STEM fields. The field I have spent my career working in has a long way to go before we can say women are offered similar opportunities to men. It seems as though equal pay for equal work would be a basic goal and one that we should achieve soon. While the gap here in California is somewhat less, with women earning 84% of what men are paid, there has been little progress toward narrowing this gap during the past ten years. It looks like real action, through salary audits and equity adjustments, and legislation like the Paycheck Fairness Act, will be necessary.

There are so many other ways that inequality, and inequity, based on gender is evident in our societies. Beyond representation in business and government, we must ensure not only equal access to opportunity in education and work, and equal pay, but also equal access to health care and to childcare for families, an equal level of respect, and an equal assurance of freedom from violence. There is so much yet to do.

I find myself thinking about having been raised in what was to a great extent a family of women. While Dad certainly had an important part in my childhood, he was gone working and traveling a great deal of the time and the biggest influences on me as a boy were my mother and my older sister, Nancy. Later, my younger sister, Lynne, would influence my thinking on these issues as I watched her preparing for and seeking opportunities in different places, including Australia and Finland.

I was raised by my mother and sisters to treat girls and women as entirely equal to boys and men. They also taught me to speak truth to power and to work for what I believe in. My mother, pictured above when she was in high school, worked in various aspects of education and was a successful artist later in life. Nancy shared what she was learning at school and raised my awareness about political issues including civil rights. Both Nancy and Lynne have shown me in many ways what it means to be strong and to live your values. My grandmothers influenced me, too. Both were widowed when I was young and remained strong, independent, women all their lives. One help support local elections and the other had a career as a nurse and continued as a volunteer nurse at well-baby clinics well into her retirement. I am proud to be their grandson, brother, and son.

The men in my life have also taught me. I learned about volunteering from my Dad and that had a lot to do with my coming to believe strongly that we can change the world if we are willing to work together. One grandfather died when I was four. I remember him as a tall, gentle, man. I was lucky to spend more time with my other grandfather until I was nearly eleven and he showed me how truly gentle a man could be. Although my grandfathers, father, and I have all benefited in some ways from a society that gave advantages to men, I believe my children and grandchildren will benefit more when we succeed in creating a society that provides equal opportunities to all.

I had some growing up to do as a boy, and young man, and there are a few things I did that I regret and have learned from. While I grew up learning to treat girls and women with respect, the few disrespectful things I did when I was young still trouble me today and this sharpens my commitment to working for equal rights for women. While none of these actions were particularly hurtful they reflected a culture of inequality, and don’t live up to my values. I want to work with my children, and our peers, to help create a world where equality is expected, and for them, and my grandchildren, to never have regrets like mine; having grown up in a world where it is much less likely they would ever consider doing things like those I regret.

My thoughts today have ranged from my values, to some current facts with regard to inequality for women, and my personal experience and how that has influenced my values, views, and actions. We become ourselves in relationship to others and I’m grateful to have been raised by and with the strong women in my family. I am so grateful for my partner, Sue, who is a genuinely wonderful person, and for the women I am honored to call friends today. In their strength, gentleness, intelligence, wisdom, courage, compassion, and love, they challenge me every day to be the best man I can be. This includes continuing to work for greater equality.

There is still so much to do. I want to be proud to be who I am as a man. As long as women are treated as less than, there will be something I am not proud of. As a man of my times, I'm sure I cannot know what this inequality truly feels like, and means, to the women in my life. As an idealist, I'm sure my perspectives could be better informed by pragmatism. I will keep my mind open and hope to keep learning as I share the work of making a more equal world. Each woman's success makes every woman stronger... And every person. I hope that all of us will choose to work for the changes we need to achieve. May we rededicate ourselves to creating a society, and a world, where every person is treated equally, valued, and respected in their own right.

“I am thankful for nights that turned into days, friends that turned into family, and dreams that turned into reality.” - unknown

Today, my thoughts turn to all that I am thankful for in my life. Our loved ones in Canada celebrate Thanksgiving today, and this past weekend. Each year since we became friends, there have been two Thanksgiving celebrations for me. I am grateful for them and for this reminder to reflect on all my blessings.

Above all else, I am thankful for my loved ones. The family and friends with whom I share my life bring such wonderful richness and joy to each day. I know I am fortunate to have such a close and loving family, and such dear friends. I am so grateful that I've had the chance to be a step-father and for what wonderful men our sons are becoming. When my days are hard, family and friends help me to stay strong, make the tough times easier, and remind me that it’s also OK to take a break when I need to. When the days are good to me, sharing them with my dear ones makes each accomplishment more meaningful, and each joy sweeter.

The very best part of my luck is that I get to share this life with my wonderful partner, Sue. I am grateful beyond words that she chose me and agreed to be my wife, and for her love. Over the past sixteen-plus years I have found my way home to my family, seen the greatest opportunities in my career, had the chance to serve on the Board of Directors for SHARE, and we have found beloved friends there. Sue has stood by me and helped bring each new joy to our lives. In fact, I’m quite convinced that most of these best things in my life would not have been possible without her love and support. She is wonderful and I am grateful.

I am so grateful for the wonderful meaning and comfort of friendship in my life. Sue and I were friends for many years before we found our way to being partners, and beloved friends bring such love and joy into our lives each day. By sharing music, art, wilderness, work, and play with friends, these special parts of our lives become richer and even more meaningful. When we share each other's grief and happiness, joy grows and pain is easier to bear. With our friends, laughter fills our homes and travels with us, and the peace and comfort of our quiet times together is warm and sweet. The Irish say that the eye of a friend is a good mirror and I know that’s true. The eyes of my dearest friends, including my dear Sue, hold a beauty and meaning beyond any other I’ve ever known.

I am thankful for the peace and beauty of wilderness. I find a connection to our universe and to wonder when I look up into the night sky, walk among the forests and mountains, gaze into sunrise or sunset, or listen to the music of water in the surf, rain, waterfalls and streams, and in the silence of the lake. I am thankful for the beauty and meaning brought into our world by the artists, writers and musicians. They give us the chance to experience the natural world, and the world of thoughts and feelings through their eyes, ears, and minds throughout history. Sharing an art museum, music, or a book with a friend is one of my favorite things.

I’m grateful for my career. Having work that allows me to support my family and gives us the chance to live the life we do is a great blessing. They say you make your own luck, and I’ve worked hard to earn this living with the support of a wonderful partner. Still, I don’t take the opportunities I’ve had for granted. My parents gave me the chance to get a good education and I’ve had mentors, and training, that helped me make the most of those opportunities. We have plenty to eat, a safe and beautiful place to live, the ability to give our sons opportunities like those our parents provided for us, and the chance to travel to see our loved ones, and to share beautiful places and experiences with them. We are so very fortunate.

I’m thankful for the way that volunteering has enriched my life. The work I’ve done at SHARE and in Yosemite has given me so much satisfaction and allowed me to grow in ways I never expected I would. For me, the volunteer work in my life has been even more meaningful than the work I’ve done to earn my living. Arthur Ashe said, “From what we get, we can make a living; what we give, however, makes a life.” I know he was right.

In both my professional and volunteer careers, I have been fortunate to have wonderful colleagues.  I am glad to have shared the work with these intelligent, skilled, and dedicated people. I have enjoyed learning from them, mentoring and being mentored by them, and sometimes playing together when the work was done. I am so very grateful that I have had the opportunity to work with them and to make a difference in my life. Ultimately, the greatest satisfaction in any work we do comes from knowing the results of that work matter by helping to achieve meaningful goals.

Today, I am healthy and so very thankful for that. Over the past three years, I’ve survived a head-on collision and later recovered from an illness that limited my ability to work for over six months. These experiences have given me an even greater appreciation for all I have to be thankful for in my life. My loved ones were there for me each step of the way and are there for me always. I’ve returned to health ever more aware of the love I feel for them.

I am grateful that my days are filled with so much happiness. We each have our struggles, and I have mine. I find my way through the darkness and it helps me see the light in all its brightness. I’m glad to have such wonderful support from my loved one when darkness falls. Ultimately, I am a happy man, and mine is a happy life.

Most of all, I am thankful for love. Nothing is more important and love runs through everything that matters to me. Best of all, love brings me close to all those who matter most in my life. Together we share the inexpressible joy of seeing babies being born, watching children exploring this world of wonders and relationships, and seeing them grow into adults. We live our lives sharing love together as friends, and we share our journeys as lovers growing older together. When everything else is done, I believe that love goes on forever beyond the end of space and time and for that I will be eternally grateful.

“But meet them halfway with love, peace and persuasion and expect them to rise for the occasion” - Van Morrison from his song “Glad Tidings”

One of the issues I confront frequently as a manager is whether someone is being compensated fairly for their work. Unfortunately, this important issue can be confused with the issue of how we can help provide, help people find, and honor motivation. I agree with those who believe that money is not a motivator. Instead, I believe that money is a satisfier. By contrast, motivators can include things like interesting work, opportunities to grow, and making a tangible positive difference for others. Today, I reflect on how both of these issues are important, and separate, in supporting people’s productivity. Both must be addressed if employees are to be engaged in their work with energy, dedication, and creativity.

There are many aspects to understanding what is fair. We ask if the person’s salary is equitable when compared to the salaries of others with similar duties, skill, and experience in the organization. We also ask this question about equity with others within the university system and those doing similar work for other organizations. We also consider the specific value of a person’s contributions and performance. It is also important to remember that a person’s perception that they are paid fairly is only one potential source of satisfaction or dissatisfaction.

Demands for IT service are very often greater than the budget available. This means that there are are trade-offs between what services can be provided and what we can invest in salaries, software licenses, hardware, training, support, and other costs. We can face difficult choices between hiring additional staff to help deliver results, and manage workloads, and spending more to provide satisfactory salaries for existing staff. These trade-offs can mean that we must plan to address some expectations when budgets improve and leave these unsatisfied until then.

I believe that having an adequate and appropriate salary can satisfy some of a person’s needs and I have found Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs a useful tool for looking at these. An adequate salary and benefits package helps a person meet their needs, and their family’s need, for food, shelter, health and security. It can also contribute to meeting their need for esteem, and provide resources that support their efforts to meet higher-level needs like love and belonging, and self-actualization. It is clear to me that having these needs met is very important and that an employer’s failure to provide adequate and appropriate compensation will contribute to employees feeling dissatisfied.

While I don’t believe money is a motivator, I am convinced that dissatisfaction with salary, and the insecurity associated with a person being less able to meet their needs, can be a demotivator. A dissatisfied employee will have a harder time being productive, engaged, energetic and creative. I think this is especially true where employees believe they are being treated unfairly. Perceiving that you are paid unfairly is even more discouraging than feeling that all colleagues salaries are too low. While the common burden of dealing with budget or economic challenges can be difficult, the individual burden of being paid unfairly for their work alienates a person from colleagues and the organization.

It is also important to remember that what is adequate and appropriate is subjective. In many cases the end result of an increase will be that the employee feels they have received an increase that is “good enough” while still not providing all the compensation they believe they deserve.

I think that temporary increases in productivity resulting from salary increases that eliminate or reduce dissatisfaction may contribute to the incorrect notion that money is a motivator. Another source of confusion is the fact that recognition is a powerful motivator. I think there is genuine motivation in action as an employee seeks recognition in the form of promotions and more meaningful assignments that are associated with salary increases. Even in these cases, I believe that employees with soon consider their increased salary in terms of whether it is fair compensation for their new duties. It is the opportunity for recognition and advancement to more meaningful roles and contributions that provides the motivation.

So, I believe that money will not motivate people to make greater and more meaningful contributions to the work of an organization. Instead, I think that what motivates people is opportunity. This can be the opportunity to do interesting work, to take on new challenges that allow them to grow and experience the pride of mastering new skills and knowledge, to make a difference, and to take on a more significant roles that free them to make a greater difference over time.

We need to work with the people we lead and support to understand what opportunities they will each find most motivating. Often this will require us to help them see and understand opportunities they have not considered. We need to use this knowledge as we plan changes in assignments and organizations that will help us contribute to the missions of the companies and institutions we serve. We will face challenges as the opportunities that will motivate our employees will not always fit with their current capabilities and with the immediate needs of our organizations.

With training and appropriate assignments, we can help people gain the capabilities they need. Sometimes, their aspirations and abilities will not be well matched. Mentoring and coaching can be valuable in helping people recognize when this is the case and what steps they need to take to address these challenges. Sometimes, that will include the difficult process of adjusting their goals. We also need to consider how we can identify career paths, and opportunities for advancement and how we can communicate clearly about these opportunities and the requirements for pursuing them.

We also need to consider these issues as we complete our strategic and tactical planning. This can help us plan with the people in our organizations to make good use of their capabilities and potential. With good planning and communication, we will be better able to provide opportunities that motivate people and help us achieve our goals together.

I think it is crucial that IT leaders and managers keep these issues of satisfaction and motivation separate so that they can effectively address both challenges. When we successfully satisfy and provide motivation for people in ways that help us work together in service of our mission, we create an engaging and exciting environment that helps us attract and retain the talented people we need.