“When one has once fully entered the realm of love, the world - no matter how imperfect - becomes rich and beautiful, it consists solely of opportunities for love.” - Søren Kierkegaard in “Works of Love”

As I started to write today’s essay, I had this feeling I might have already written about the topic I was pursuing earlier in this series. I looked through my earlier writings and, sure enough, I’d already written about my favorite quote that isn’t a quote; the paraphrase from Søren Kierkegaard, “Presume love in the other.” While it seems I can always find something more to say about almost any topic, having written about this already, I began searching for another subject for today’s essay.

As I thought, it occurred to me that the reason that idea from Kierkegaard means so much to me is that it is about the most important thing of all. Love. This gave me the chance to share another favorite quote from Kierkegaard at the beginning of today’s essay and lead me to a topic for today. Remembering what really matters. This always seems simple to me in principle, but I know that in practice it can be a real challenge. There are so many things I need to do, so many people’s opinions, needs, thoughts, and feelings to consider, competing priorities, and my own human weakness and ability to get distracted. In the crush of the moment, it is so easy to be swept up in the urgent and immediate demands that press on me and too easy to skip taking time to put them into perspective.

These challenges exist in my personal life as well as my professional pursuits and I always find that I’m better off when I do take a moment to “come up for air” and take in the broader view. This almost always reduces the feelings of pressure and frustration that come with competing demands and limited time. It also results in my making better decisions about how to spend that time. Of course, the demands of my work impact the time and energy for personal priorities, too and I wonder how this will change in retirement. I am hopeful that I will have more time and energy to devote to what really matters.

All of the “things” that matter most to me aren’t things at all. Having time to spend growing closer to the beloved ones in my life, family and friends, and time to just relax and enjoy each other. The wonder I find in wilderness and looking up at the vast night sky. Opportunities to travel and see more of this beautiful planet we live on and meet its people. Striving for a richer understanding of the universe around us and the world of feelings and ideas. The beauty we create through craft and the visual arts, music, dance, theater, poetry and literature, and the chance to be creative myself. My values and spiritual beliefs.

Caring for how our babies and children grow surrounded by love and safety, yet with chances to explore their worlds and take some risks as they learn what matters most to them and set out into the world. The joy they help us rediscover and the way they make life sweeter. Growing as a person as I age and gain new perspectives. The precious dance of relationship with my dearest ones and especially with Sue who is the special one who has chosen to share her life with me. Love above all.

It’s also helpful for me to remember and reflect on those things that don’t matter so much to me and on the choices I’ve made to honor my priorities. I don’t care very much about money and even less about having power. My decision to choose a career at the university is consistent with what matters to me as it allowed me to trade less money for more time with my loved ones. I’ve made career choices that traded more power, and pressure, for some better chance that I may stay healthy to focus on what matters. Sue and I made a choice many years ago to trade more money for the opportunity for her to leave the classroom, volunteer in her passion for Yosemite and children, and stay home with our boys as they grew into men. We’ve never regretted choosing what mattered most to us.

I’ve written about the way I bring reminders of my personal life into my workspace, and reminding me of what matters most is one of the most wonderful things they do for me. Being able to look up, and around, to see this tangible evidence of what I care about really helps me regain my focus and get back on track. Morning text messages with Sue, lunchtime writing to friends, sharing “likes” and posts with friends and family on Facebook, and visiting on Skype, all help me stay in touch with the ones who help make what is most important truly matter for me. Even missing loved ones who live far away helps keep me in touch with this. I know I’m lucky to have these special people who matter so much to me that I miss them when we are apart.

Sometimes, the things that matter can even seem like distractions. As I write today, I have our less-than-three-month-old puppy in my lap. He was napping until a moment ago, and now he is “helping” me write. His name is River, and his picture is at the top of this essay. I’m not always successful, but I try to remember that some “distractions” are actually moments when what really matters is tapping me on the shoulder and reminding me to give my time any energy where it will do the most to make my life, and the lives of my loved ones, richer. I’ve taken some time out to play with River, he helped me see that was what really mattered, and now I’ll finish this essay!

As I’ve been writing today, I found myself remembering the people who helped me learn to value what really matters. My parents, sisters, mentors and friends. I especially remember the advice of my grandmother, Mimi. She helped spark my lifelong love of books and shared her wisdom me with. When I was struggling, frustrated, and sad about something that had happened in my life, she asked me to think about how much it would matter to me in a year. She was teaching me to think about what really mattered and to put things into perspective. Mimi also assured me that, no matter how hard things might seem at the moment, everything always turns out for the best. I’ve learned that, as long as I looked at what really mattered, and gave things enough time, she was right.

What matters to you will differ from what matters to me. I think the important thing is to know what matters, to expect some of this to evolve throughout your lifetime and some aspects to remain constant, and to find ways to keep what matters in mind as you make choices about your time and priorities. May you find ways to spend your energy where it matters most to you.