"If you sing for children, you can’t really say there’s no hope” - Pete Seeger

In the course of the week, I was walking across campus and found myself thinking about retirement, change, and the stages of life. Almost immediately, I remembered the work of Erik Erikson, done in collaboration with his wife Joan, that I studied when I was a student like those surrounding me. The Eriksons’ eight stages of life define a series of conflicts, or choices, between two forces and I’ve found their model very useful ever since I learned about it.

Next I became aware that my efforts to stay positive in the face of challenges are sometimes part of the current, seventh, stage of the model that I am experiencing in my life now. This stage is characterized by the choice between generativity vs. stagnation and I am very conscious of that choice, or conflict, as I work to do things that allow me to feel I have made a positive difference for my family, and society.

I think my choice to leave the private sector and work at the university, despite the reduced opportunities for financial rewards, has been part of my response to this challenge. I’ve often explained to others who asked that I’ve found more satisfaction in looking out the window, or walking across campus, and seeing the students working to become themselves than I did in working to make sure accounts balanced in the financial industry that I left for this job. As I see their faces, lined with concern and fatigue as they complete their papers and labs, and study for their tests, and then lit with joy as they successfully complete another semester or graduate with the degrees they’ve earned, I feel I’ve made the right choice. I’ve had the opportunity to make this choice over again a number of times in the 26+ years I’ve been at the university, as I had opportunities to return to the private sector for more money, and I’m satisfied with my decision to stay and retire from higher education.

I admit there are other very important factors influencing this decision. I have appreciated the security of working for a state university, even when budgets have been bad. It has also been exceptionally important to me to be able to remain in the same place as I fell in love with and married my wonderful partner. Asking her and our sons to move away in search of a job that paid more money was never a viable option. Of all the decisions I’ve made in my life, marrying her, becoming their father, and staying in this place is one I’ve never regretted.

Making a difference for my family is the greatest opportunity of this seventh stage of life for me. I’m glad to be doing work that makes a difference, but the reason I work is ultimately to allow me to make a difference for them. As Charles Slater has written, “Generativity, then is primarily the concern in establishing and guiding the next generation.” Working with my wife to provide for our family, and to support each other in our efforts to matter, is the most meaningful way that I chose generativity over stagnation.

At work, even more than at home, this choice is not without its challenges. Leading the team charged with providing effective, and innovative, IT services to a university in the midst of the crushing budget crises of the Great Recession was frustrating and stressful. There were times when I wondered whether we’d prevail, or fail, and more than one time when I feared being dismissed or felt like giving up and resigning. I may be an optimist, but there is a limit to everything! I’ve learned to have a thick skin when presented with yet another complaint about the inexpensive email system the campus selected through a collaborative process when we had to choose between keeping more people employed and a more expensive option for email. I remain grateful for those who struggled alongside me to advance IT services focussed on student success instead.

Have I made a difference? I’ve wondered when progress toward innovative solutions has been slow and we’ve asked our staff to do more with less. Ultimately, after layoffs, we had to recognize the limits of our capabilities and ask them to do less with less. Today, I can answer my question, “Yes. I have made a difference. We’ve made a difference together.” Sometimes keeping essential services available in the face of budget cuts IS making a difference. In addition, I’m confident the organization I lead was in better shape by the time the university hired a new leader than it was when I assumed my leading role. Finally, after fifteen years of advocacy, we hired our first CIO and have begun the changes that will allow us to make a bigger difference together. I was part of that advocacy and I am working to support this change. I believe I will be able to hold my head up as I retire and know my best was very good.

There have been times over these years when I’ve inadvertently combined stages 7 and 8 of the Eriksons’ model and thought of that as generativity vs. despair. I’m glad I’ve been able to stick with generativity in any case! As I prepare for retirement, and the transition to the eighth stage of ego integrity vs. despair in the years ahead, I remain optimistic. I believe that I will be able to continue making a difference for quite some time yet and to answer the existential question of this stage, “Is it okay to have been me?” with an honest, satisfied, yes. I see similarities between the Eriksons' model and the Hindu Ashram system I wrote about in these essays this past July. The Eriksons' eighth stage and the fourth, sannyasa, stage of the Ashram system, where the focus becomes introspective and on leaving this world in the best way, appeal to me in similar ways.

I’m also grateful that I’ve learned since my own days as a university student of the ninth stage that Joan Erikson added to the model in “The Life Cycle Completed: Extended Version” published in 1998. Both the Eriksons lived well into their 90s and Joan learned that a ninth stage was necessary for these later years. She wrote that all the other eight stages are relevant to these years and described the challenge as being that the conflicts are experienced in reverse order. The challenges of age can lead us to mistrust our capabilities, face feelings of isolation, struggle with feelings of stagnation as we face the effort of caring for ourselves, and feelings of despair as we fight to keep the integrity of our minds and bodies intact; and lose some of the battles in that fight.

Ultimately, Erikson believed that in the face of these challenges, “While there is light, there is hope, and who knows what bright light and revelation any morning may bring?”. In her 90’s, she wrote, “Should you be living and coping with all these hurdles and losses at ninety or more, you have one firm foothold to depend on. From the beginning we are blessed with basic trust. Without it, life is impossible, and with it we have endured. As an enduring strength is has accompanied and bolstered us with hope. Whatever the specific sources of our basic trust may be or have been, and no matter how severely hope has been challenged, it has never abandoned us completely. Life without it is simply unthinkable. If you are still filled with the intensity of being and hope for what may be further grace and enlightenment, then you have reason for living”. 1

I hope I have the opportunity in retirement to face the challenges of ninety and beyond, and I hope I can face them with a grace and enlightenment like the Eriksons. I know I will benefit from their insights and courage in any case.

1 Joan M. Erikson The Life Cycle Completed: Extended Version (W. W. Norton, 1998), 112-11