“‘Seems to me,’ she'd said with a sigh to her father on the phone one day, ‘that the most important aspects of someone's life are the very things not listed in an index.’ There were never entries for ‘memory’, or ‘regrets’, or even ‘love,’ in the lowercase.” - Laura in Will Ferguson’s "The 419”

Today, we celebrate Memorial Day in the U.S. This isn’t one of my “Last 100 Mondays” at work so I won’t be publishing an essay in that series. Instead, I’ll write a few words about what this day means to me.

Memorial Day is set aside as a day when we honor those who died while serving in the United State's armed forces. I am thinking today of all those who have given their lives in service of our country and especially remembering the friends I lost who served in Vietnam. I was a boy watching them go to a part of the world I had never heard of before news of the war, and its casualties, became a daily part of our evening news. This is the first war I remember and the one that did the most to shape my understanding of war and of the sacrifices made by those who serve in the military and their families.

I am thinking of my friends and colleagues who fought in that war and returned home, and of my grandfather, father, father-in-law, and uncles, all of whom served without being killed or wounded. I am grateful for their service and very grateful they survived the wars they fought. I never served in the military, and I appreciate their service and the ultimate sacrifice made by all those who have lost their lives in our wars.

The Vietnam war ended less than one month before my 18th birthday and I never had to face the draft we’d come to fear. I believe we resort to violence, and war, far too often. It seems that we have chosen this course as a nation more frequently in recent years. Two of the five longest wars in our history, in Iraq and Afghanistan, have taken place in this new century. I think of my younger friends and colleagues who have served during these years and of those who have died in these wars.

I believe we should honor those who have given their lives in the service of our nation even when we do not always agree with the actions of our leaders who choose to go to war. I have found myself in this position often during my life. I believe we honor those who have given “the last full measure of devotion” best when we work to avoid war and the inevitable sacrifice of more young lives. I believe we honor those who make that sacrifice when we honor and care for the veterans who served beside them, and for the families left behind to mourn. I witnessed the shameful treatment of our Vietnam veterans, and we must learn from that national shame never to repeat this dishonorable chapter in our history.

The stone monuments we erect to honor our war dead are places of beauty, deep emotion, and reflection. Let our most meaningful and lasting memorial be the actions we take to honor them by truly benefiting from their sacrifices and from learning the lessons of war, and of peace.

In my family, we also observe Memorial Day by remembering our loved ones who are no longer with us. I am remembering my mother, my grandparents, my mother and father-in-law, aunts, uncles, and friends who have passed away. My memories of them are happy ones and I am grateful to have been surrounded by their love for so much of my life.

As I remember them today I am also thinking of the loved ones who I am so fortunate to share my life with today. They make my life sweet and beautiful, and they have been there for me when times are hard. Thanks to all these loved ones, mine has been a life filled with love and joy. May I be a source of love, joy, and strength for them. May we carry our love forward as we raise our families, and live our lives so as to be remembered someday with the same deep, warm, love we have for all these special people.