“Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.” - Mark Twain

Today, I am reflecting on one of my most fundamental values. I strive to do my best to do what is right with love. In the end, this has been the one approach that has stood the test of time for me. It’s gotten me through the hard times and helped me make the difference I’ve wanted to make. It’s also helped me find the greatest joy in life.

Doing what is right can be hard. It has also always been worth it. One of the most difficult things for me to accept has been the limitations I’ve faced. Too often, I’ve had to do my best to find what was right in situations where none of the choices felt good. I haven’t always been able to do what I would have chosen if I could have changed the circumstances. Still, making the best hard choice I could has served me well and I can look back at those times and know I did the best I could given what we were facing.

Doing what is right also means knowing what is right, and that isn’t always easy. Sometimes, the right decision is perfectly clear. Other times it can be hard work to come to grips with all the potential outcomes of a decision and determine what will be best for all concerned. I’ve found it important to listen, to seek perspectives from different people I respect, and to carefully consider the results of each potential choice. I’ve done my best to choose what serves the greater good, and to work through how we act on a decision to help ensure that we do the most good, and the least harm. Part of this has been doing all I can to help those who face challenges, or loss, as a result of a choice I’ve had to make. Change is hard and how we act to implement changes can make an important difference. Often, there are adjustments that can help make the best of a difficult choice.

Along the way, I’ve learned to understand the difference between what I wish could be, and what I truly want, given the realities of the situation. It has been important for me to be in touch with my thoughts and feelings, and to give myself time to ensure I am truly aware of, and honor, these. Sometimes the best way forward is for me to acknowledge what I feel, and wish could be, and then to act knowing that what I’d wish for is not really best.

I bring my best when I truly come to grips with what I most want. To do what is right. I consider the consequences of my choices and actions and then I choose and act. I know that acting on what I wish could be won’t always result in what is best, and most loving. When I look at things clearly, and in light of the reality of the situation, I am better prepared to do my best to do what is right. I know I have chosen wisely when I am am sure I am acting with love, respect, and honor to do what is right even while I acknowledge to myself that I could have chosen another path that is closer to what I wish could be.

Doing what is right also helps me avoid regrets. I’m grateful that I have very few serious regrets, and only one I still struggle to forgive myself for decades later. Many people have said that we regret the things we didn’t do more than those we did, and I think this is true. Of course I regret some of my decisions and actions. I wish I’d been more knowledgeable, experienced, and wise in making some choices in the past. Still, it is mainly the things I haven’t done that I regret. The times I could have been kinder, or refused to express my frustration or anger in a selfish way. The times I failed to say “I love you” for fear of rejection or misunderstanding. Most of all, the times I chose work over time with my love ones. Many of us struggle with the balance between work and family, and I know now there would always have been some other way to get the work done so that family could come first.

Although I do my best to do what is right, sometimes I get it wrong. At these times, I’ve needed to learn to tell the difference between the small mistakes and the big ones. What my lovely wife characterized to our boys as they were growing up as the difference between, “oops” and “oh, my god!” I’ve learned to make amends, apologize, and hope to be forgiven when I’ve made a significant mistake. I continue to learn to forgive myself, something I’m not as good at, to learn from my errors, and then recommit to doing my best to do what is right with love.

I’ve also needed to learn the difference between being overly self indulgent and taking proper care of myself, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Doing my best to do what is right isn’t the same as spending every waking moment in virtuous hard work! That isn’t reasonable, or healthy. Still, sometimes I choose self-indulgent actions that aren’t really the best, or right, thing to do at the time. When I catch myself doing this, I gently get back on the right track. I’ve learned that even though I’m far from perfect, I’m a good person. And taking time for the things that feed my body, mind, heart, and soul is good for me and helps me bring my best self to doing what is right.

Ultimately, I hope to look back on my career, and someday my life, satisfied that I lived in love and did my best to do what was right. With less than nine months before my planned retirement, I can look back over the past 38 years and, mainly, feel satisfaction and pride. I've made a difference and helped many people along the way. Most of all, I'm grateful for my loved ones, and so glad to share this life with them. I look forward to continuing my planning for retirement, and to doing what is right in this next phase of my life. I know that more time with family and friends will be a special part of this next chapter. I also plan to include some healthy self-indulgences and to make sure I do things I'd regret not having done!